Day 3
This is starting to get slightly more difficult now. My routine for the last few years has been to look at porn and jack off every 3 or so days. My libido is definitely a bit stronger at this point, which is presenting me with a bit of temptation. My instincts tell me to look up some porn, but so far I've been able to ward it off.
From reading other journals here I notice there are a lot of guys who are really hard on themselves. I get the feeling that they feel a sort of insurmountable guilt. I can identify with this, as I experienced this same guilt when I was in my teens and early 20s attempting to control my porn and masturbation addiction, often failing.
I grew up Catholic, and almost every year during the Lent season I would attempt to give up porn and masturbation, and I never made it through a single season without messing up at some point.
Interestingly, there are not very many good articles or advice on the net that isolate the issue of guilt in this context. Not only that, but providing any suggestions to overcome that guilt.
I address this in my day 3 video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGxUDtog8Pk
Here are a few strategies spelled out that have helped me when I fumbled:
1. Positive re-frame
Realize that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback/learning. In other words take the emotional charge and self-judgement out of the situation. Just notice what you did right, notice what you did wrong, and remind yourself of your goals and what you need to do right in order to achieve those goals. Stay the course.
2. Gratitude
Celebrate the small victories. If you go for 3 days and then relapse, congratulate yourself first for getting to the 3 day mark. Realize that you are experiencing what you should be experiencing in the present. Some have a longer journey than others, and just give thanks that you've identified what you want to change and you're on the road to success. On the flip side of this, don't use this as an excuse not to challenge yourself if you're not putting forth a genuine effort; don't pat yourself on the back for messing up.
3. Visualize success
Instead of thinking future tense about how you 'want to be' act like you are living that reality now and it's more likely to manifest. Close your eyes and imagine yourself 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, etc. if you don't do anything about this problem. Notice how it shows up in your life with friends, family, co-workers. When you look in the mirror at yourself in the future how do you look, how do you feel? Really root that feeling deeply and notice the compounding exponential effects of the little daily actions you choose. Realize you can choose different. NOW, do the opposite and imagine yourself porn and masturbation free for 3 months then 6 months then a year, etc. and at each time stage notice how you feel, how you act, and how you walk through the world and how all your relationships are effected by this new you. Notice the freedom of being free of addiction. That reality is possible to you, and it may not be easy, but you can make it happen.
The above technique is called the Scrooge Technique in NLP. It has proven very powerful and effective for me. There are probably better instructions for the technique somewhere else on the internet if you just search for it.
Hope it works for all you guys as well.
Below are some decent resources that scratch the surface of the subject of guilt. They are helpful.
http://www.whywesuffer.com/category/guilt-and-shame/
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reflections-60-days-relapsing-habit-guilt-obsessive-thoughts-and-getting-help
http://www.musedmagonline.com/2013/05/porn-guilt-after-the-cleanup/
