Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'

[SlaveToRighteousness]

Hi all. Just setting up my new home.

 

[fcjl8]

Hi SlaveToRighteousness,

Glad to see you have created a place to journal here!

I saw the song you posted today over at YBR, just another great selection. I share what you wrote about the lyrics and how they can apply to this recovery journey!

 

[LTE]

Nice to see you, STR. I always enjoy your input regarding porn addiction and recovery.

 

[Rex]

SlaveToRighteousness,

Welcome, great to see you here.  I too saw the song that you posted on YBR, it was quite inspirational.  Thanks for sharing.


Pete

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

Thanks for the message, everyone.  I look forward to spending more time here.

 

[LTE]

Were glad to have you here.

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

I've been thinking about the "rebooting" process lately and have a few thoughts to share.

Unlike some of the guys that have given up PMO, I never wake up with morning wood and I almost never get an erection at any time other than when I am fooling around with my wife. In essence, if we don't have sex for a week, there is a very good chance that I would spend that entire week without getting erect at any point during the week.

This has generally been a source of concern for me, because it has made me worried that things aren't working properly "down there" and that there is something wrong with me. But I've been thinking about a more positive interpretation, which is that my goal is not to be able to get erections at random times when I have no need for them: my goal is to be able to get an erection with my wife when we are going to engage in some kind of sexual activity. I have no need for an erection at any other time, and I could go even further to say that erections are counterproductive for me unless I am getting one with my wife. Random erections only encourage me to masturbate and/or fantasize, which are activities that I have given up.

So in a sense, the ideal scenario for me would actually involve never getting an erection unless I was with my wife, and since that's pretty much where I am now, maybe I should be encouraged by my lack of random erections rather than be worried by them...

 

[Gabe Deem]

@SlaveToRighteousness

I have no need for an erection at any other time, and I could go even further to say that erections are counterproductive for me unless I am getting one with my wife. Random erections only encourage me to masturbate and/or fantasize, which are activities that I have given up.

haha GREAT way of looking at things! With that said, farther down your reboot your mornind wood may come back. It took me 3 months to see life down south in the mornin : )

Keep being strong and thinking positive. You're doing great

 

[LTE]

I've been thinking about the "rebooting" process lately and have a few thoughts to share.

Unlike some of the guys that have given up PMO, I never wake up with morning wood and I almost never get an erection at any time other than when I am fooling around with my wife. In essence, if we don't have sex for a week, there is a very good chance that I would spend that entire week without getting erect at any point during the week.

This has generally been a source of concern for me, because it has made me worried that things aren't working properly "down there" and that there is something wrong with me. But I've been thinking about a more positive interpretation, which is that my goal is not to be able to get erections at random times when I have no need for them: my goal is to be able to get an erection with my wife when we are going to engage in some kind of sexual activity. I have no need for an erection at any other time, and I could go even further to say that erections are counterproductive for me unless I am getting one with my wife. Random erections only encourage me to masturbate and/or fantasize, which are activities that I have given up.

So in a sense, the ideal scenario for me would actually involve never getting an erection unless I was with my wife, and since that's pretty much where I am now, maybe I should be encouraged by my lack of random erections rather than be worried by them...

I don't have erections all that often; but when they do happen they are great. I have no doubt that I can rise to the occasion when the time comes and before that who cares?

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

haha GREAT way of looking at things! With that said, farther down your reboot your mornind wood may come back. It took me 3 months to see life down south in the mornin : )

Yeah, that's the thing: I've read a lot from other guys who have experienced a rebirth of life and energy down south after giving up PMO, but I haven't had that experience and so I've been feeling like something was wrong. But my ability to get aroused with my wife (without having to fantasize or touch myself) is better now than it was during my PMO days, and that's really what matters to me.

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

I don't have erections all that often; but when they do happen they are great. I have no doubt that I can rise to the occasion when the time comes and before that who cares?

Exactly. Erections are only useful when your partner wants you to have one.

 

[LTE]

I don't have erections all that often; but when they do happen they are great. I have no doubt that I can rise to the occasion when the time comes and before that who cares?

Exactly. Erections are only useful when your partner wants you to have one.

That's the deal. Anxiety about erections does no good whatsoever.

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

Here is another song that I have found useful in breaking my PMO addiction.

Hello My Name Is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbkFazG_xVY

Hello, my name is regret
I'm pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I'm the whisper inside
That won't let you forget

Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I'll drag you right back down again
These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed,
And I have been set free
?Amazing Grace? is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

The ?Breaking the Cycle? book talks about the voice of our Inner Addict who speaks lies to us in order to get us to engage in sexually compulsive behavior. One of the important steps we have to take to break our addiction is to identify the lies that our Inner Addict speaks to us and then to constantly remind ourselves of ?what is always true?.

The beginning of this song speaks directly to this issue. My Inner Addict has always spoken words of ?regret? and ?defeat? to me, particularly in the area of relationships with females. I spent a lot of time earlier in my life regretting my lack of experience with women and feeling like I had failed in the area of romance. I still felt this way for much of my marriage, and those feelings were usually enough to convince me to PMO.

I like how the singer of this song identifies these lies that he has believed for the very last time, and I like how the chorus of the song is a reminder to the singer and to us of what is always true. Our name is no longer sinner, or loser, or failure, or whatever else our Inner Addict tells us: our name is ?child of the one true King?, and we have been set free from the lies of our Inner Addict and from the chains of our PMO addiction.

But even though we are free, we have to make an effort to maintain our freedom. We have to constantly remind ourselves that we are free, and to constantly remind ourselves of what is always true.

 

[fcjl8]

SleveToRighteousness... Brother, another truly great selection.

I probably hear this song at least every two days. I listen to different genres but a fair bit of each day is listening to a small local Christian station and that song had lots of play time the past 8 months or so... it often pops into my head, which is a pretty good thing.

You are so right in what you write about this song. Quite a "turn around" message from defeat and lies to a new start and hope!

Hope you are well STR!

 

[LTE]

Great post,  STR.

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

My ability to get an erection with my wife seems hit or miss these days. Sometimes it works just fine, and other times it's a struggle. I'm hoping this is just a phase I have to go through in the transition from having conditioned myself to being aroused by porn/fantasy to conditioning myself to being aroused by a real woman.

Part of the challenge, of course, is that the "real woman" is always the same woman, with the same body, over and over again. I unfortunately conditioned my brain to seeing photos of many different naked women everyday, and I'm worried that my brain won't ever be happy with only seeing one woman for the rest of its life. Not that I'm tempted to revert to porn, because I'm not. I'm committed to only seeing my wife, but I just hope that I reach a point where her body actually excites me.

 

[LTE]

All you can do is take it a day at a time. Keep your expectations on the ground, no matter what Cosmopolitan might say on it's cover, sex is a gentle, loving experience, not an Olympic event.

 

[fcjl8]

Amazing how different we can be in this... I mean that is a good thing.

Sorry , that you are not over revving with your wife. Try more of the gentle non-sexual bonding???

I am the polar opposite, my wife turns me on, even more now that I am not daily looking at porn. Weird, I mostly sought out porn that had women similar to my wife?? Even my fantasy fueled M was generally about my wife, although the scene mightbe different than I would ever actually like.

Try more connection with your wife on all levels. if i am stating the obvious or you are already doing this, you can tell me off STR. I don't want to come of all sanctimonious, and i apologize if it seems that way.

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

Amazing how different we can be in this... I mean that is a good thing.

Sorry , that you are not over revving with your wife. Try more of the gentle non-sexual bonding???

I am the polar opposite, my wife turns me on, even more now that I am not daily looking at porn. Weird, I mostly sought out porn that had women similar to my wife?? Even my fantasy fueled M was generally about my wife, although the scene mightbe different than I would ever actually like.

Try more connection with your wife on all levels. if i am stating the obvious or you are already doing this, you can tell me off STR. I don't want to come of all sanctimonious, and i apologize if it seems that way.

In my case, I never fantasized about my wife at all. For me, the whole point of porn and fantasy was to think about having sex with someone other than my wife. By the time we got married and I saw her naked for the first time, I was always addicted to porn, and her body didn't really do much for me.

I would, of course, like to go back in time and change my life so that I had never looked at porn. But since I can't do that, the question is what to do now. I do like the idea of non-sexual touching and trying to connect on different levels.

The weird thing is that on some days my penis works just fine and I can stay hard for a long time during sex, and on other days I can only get 50-75% hard. I know that it's not helpful to put pressure on myself, but it's difficult not to when I know that I might have problems getting aroused.

 

[LTE]

All I can suggest is to continue to concentrate on not allowing any sexual thoughts whatsoever that are not centered on your wife. It may take a while, but you can do it.