Hello anyone who is interested in reading this. I have a porn addiction... I'm not afraid of that and I am willing to change it. I have had no PMO for the last 4 days. I'm working very hard to keep myself moving forward. My problem is I can no longer get it up with my girlfriend or even worst watching porn.... I've been to all the sites and I'm pretty sure porn is the problem. But I will still get checked out next month. The problem is I have talked to my girlfriend about this. She feels porn might be the problem. But she also feels that I am no longer attracted to her. I am very much in love with her she loves me too, but is lost in her own head. Shes kinda starting to distances herself abit. I talked to her tonight she is willing to wait for the doctors appointment, and see where it goes from there. The thing is I cant till her shes beautiful without her rolling her eyes or anything like that. I want to convince her that she is as beautiful, sexy, pretty, ect. Also just letting her know we are fine. I dont know.... I guess it would be hard to believe if couldnt show her without getting it up... Anybody out there that can help me try or do anything to make her feel good?
How do can I make my gf understand she is not the problem....
- Thread starter Solo JOE
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@ Solo JOE
This is very hard for SO's to grasp, which is completely understandable. I went through the same thing and it is extremely frustrating having a naked girl who you think is EXTREMELY SEXY AND BEAUTIFUL doing everything she can to get you hard, and there is absolutely zero arousal and you stay limp as a noodle. As a healthy athletic and confident 23 year old this killed me inside for months.
I've written extensively on this topic as this is something I'm passionate about helping partners realize. I suggest you show her this part of my latest PORN MYTH video -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CKuSYzwFkQ#t=935
Also, have her read this article I wrote for HuffPost. Specifically "misconoception 2"- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gabe-deem/porn-addiction_b_4495344.html
And if you want, you can also show her this cosmo post I wrote:
http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/reports/news/a30287/an-ex-porn-addicts-message-to-jennifer-lawrence/
Check the other vids out on my YouTube channel for more info to explain to her and head over to YBOP and check out Gary's vids as well. Explain to her that it is physiological in your brain and not about attraction.
I hope the best for you two! Much Love
This is very hard for SO's to grasp, which is completely understandable. I went through the same thing and it is extremely frustrating having a naked girl who you think is EXTREMELY SEXY AND BEAUTIFUL doing everything she can to get you hard, and there is absolutely zero arousal and you stay limp as a noodle. As a healthy athletic and confident 23 year old this killed me inside for months.
I've written extensively on this topic as this is something I'm passionate about helping partners realize. I suggest you show her this part of my latest PORN MYTH video -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CKuSYzwFkQ#t=935
Also, have her read this article I wrote for HuffPost. Specifically "misconoception 2"- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gabe-deem/porn-addiction_b_4495344.html
And if you want, you can also show her this cosmo post I wrote:
http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/reports/news/a30287/an-ex-porn-addicts-message-to-jennifer-lawrence/
Check the other vids out on my YouTube channel for more info to explain to her and head over to YBOP and check out Gary's vids as well. Explain to her that it is physiological in your brain and not about attraction.
I hope the best for you two! Much Love
Spend more good times with her to make her understand that you care about her.
Cook for her. Invite her to the cinema. Watch a movie with her, sleep with her, go shopping with her and compliment her on which clothes make her look sexy...
Tell her things like 'if I hadn't those erections problems I'd spend hours and hours fucking you again and again, in every room, in every position' and tell her how attractive she is. Don't say things like "you're beautiful" but rather "your ass is damn sexy" etc.
And kiss her! Touch her!
And have sex with her.
You can't have an erection, ok, but she can have pleasure. So practice your tongue / fingering skills. You'll need them when you'll have an erection.
Cook for her. Invite her to the cinema. Watch a movie with her, sleep with her, go shopping with her and compliment her on which clothes make her look sexy...
Tell her things like 'if I hadn't those erections problems I'd spend hours and hours fucking you again and again, in every room, in every position' and tell her how attractive she is. Don't say things like "you're beautiful" but rather "your ass is damn sexy" etc.
And kiss her! Touch her!
And have sex with her.
You can't have an erection, ok, but she can have pleasure. So practice your tongue / fingering skills. You'll need them when you'll have an erection. 
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Her Understanding the addiction is key , excpeting it is the hardest for the mind as a woman
Though to understand it really happens ( thanks Gabe ) and then excepting it was most difficult !!
The brain just kept blaming myself !!!!
Remeber her heart is brocken
So as time has passed (8months) and even plastic surgery I still feel down on myself .
BUT things he has done that has helped me has been holding me ,playing with my hair , randomly holding my hand and DAILY notes NOT text messages sitting down and actually writing a note with feelings and placing it at random places through out , a lot of sincely apoligizing and telling me how much he loves me and really really needs ME !!!!
Buying me a mini cake was super cute that says I love you , cards .....and so on!!!
To me it showed he cared!! And he knows im not a mushy kind of girl, but im liking it!
Its something else that was shadowed by behavior "P " !!! So I / we missed out on that special part of a relationship , mushy feelings that are needed !!!!
BUT we got it now and like it......so can you
Personally for the first few months body/sexual compliments were the worst thing he could have done !!! Actions speak louder than words !!!
Trying to force his PIED to work was worst of all !!!
Things have got a lot easy for both by just doing the little things and the rest just fell into place!
Slowly !!
true love is worth it !!
Good luck !!!!!
Though to understand it really happens ( thanks Gabe
) and then excepting it was most difficult !!The brain just kept blaming myself !!!!
Remeber her heart is brocken
So as time has passed (8months) and even plastic surgery I still feel down on myself .
BUT things he has done that has helped me has been holding me ,playing with my hair , randomly holding my hand and DAILY notes NOT text messages sitting down and actually writing a note with feelings and placing it at random places through out , a lot of sincely apoligizing and telling me how much he loves me and really really needs ME !!!!
Buying me a mini cake was super cute that says I love you , cards .....and so on!!!
To me it showed he cared!! And he knows im not a mushy kind of girl, but im liking it!
Its something else that was shadowed by behavior "P " !!! So I / we missed out on that special part of a relationship , mushy feelings that are needed !!!!
BUT we got it now and like it......so can you
Personally for the first few months body/sexual compliments were the worst thing he could have done !!! Actions speak louder than words !!!
Trying to force his PIED to work was worst of all !!!
Things have got a lot easy for both by just doing the little things and the rest just fell into place!
Slowly !!
true love is worth it !!
Good luck !!!!!
I don't suffer from severe PIED, ie I do have like a 80-90% of hardness erection instead of 100%. But I'd be glad to talk to you if you need it. However, I think that you can just ask on the forum and we will have answers to your questions.
So yeah you can contact me if you want to!
So yeah you can contact me if you want to!
I would say that if you have a good relationship otherwise, ask her what will help her feel loved and valued. Different women have different things that they like. For me it was routines. Go to bed at same time. Have body hugs naked in bed. (not as prelude to sex) Kiss hello and good-bye. (Yes even going to grocery) (and real kisses) Sitting next to each other on couch. Holding hands a lot. Him talking to me. Me listening. Me picking up on cues from him that he needed these things from me too.
This kind of just occurred to me typing this response. We renovated our relationship. We had to tear out walls and rebuild. Our marriage was good, so the basic structure was the same. We had to redo the inside. But we talked a lot about what needed redone. So ask her and listen to what she needs. And let her know that you could try to guess but you would rather she tell you. Then listen with and open mind and heart. Remember just as you have never thought you were an addict or that it would affect you, she has never walked the path of an SO.
The ED does improve. Maybe not as quick as you would like. But it does get better.
Peace
This kind of just occurred to me typing this response. We renovated our relationship. We had to tear out walls and rebuild. Our marriage was good, so the basic structure was the same. We had to redo the inside. But we talked a lot about what needed redone. So ask her and listen to what she needs. And let her know that you could try to guess but you would rather she tell you. Then listen with and open mind and heart. Remember just as you have never thought you were an addict or that it would affect you, she has never walked the path of an SO.
The ED does improve. Maybe not as quick as you would like. But it does get better.
Peace
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Active Member
Another thing when he would tell me i was sexy,beautiful wonderful and so on when i would respond with the rolls of eyes and NO i am not !!
His response would be NO THAT'S NOT TRUE !!!!!!
We'll to me at the time IT WAS 101% TRUE MORE TRUE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE !!
ITS A AWFUL PAIN !!
So eventually he on his own tried a new approach that worked .................IM SORRY "I " HAVE MADE YOU FEEL THIS WAY!!
Being told your feelings are wrong by the very person who created them is not going to work, at least it didn't here!
But taking responsibility did eventually, but just like PIED takes time PTSD does to and i have been diagnosed more than once with it, do to the trauma of the person
you LOVE and TRUST feeling like they LEFT you and that all along you didn't even know them! TRUE FEELINGS!!!
You need to SHOW her this is not the man you want to be!!!! leave that trash in the past!! Deal with triggers head on!!!
last night out of the blue my husband was resting on me as he was exhausted and he just said THAT SHIT REALLY F ED ME UP IM SO SORRY I HURT YOU!!
8 months later he is still upset at what he did to his BEST FRIEND !!!
I slept like a baby and that's very rare anymore!!!
Im not even sure that men are aware of the different person this shit makes you ??? You are NOT the man you really are when you are in " The Trap "
NO way no how!!!!
I have seen it with my own eyes and lived it !!
True love is so hard to find now a days if you got it treasure it !!!!
Remember this can make the strongest woman VERY fragile!
Good luck!