it's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going

[riahatesporn]

I am a wife of lost husband I don't want to call him an addict...
I believe that there's a deeper reason why partners, husband, or family members are doing it and there's actually light if our partners or husbands are aware of the addiction and they're trying to change for us and for themselves. at least even if they kept on failing they're willing to try again and start over. For me it's something that I admire with my husband he is the guy who always say that "I WILL KEEP TRYING and I WILL NEVER GIVE UP" because yes it is really shameful to admit that you failed and you did it again but he would always tell me if he failed ,and yes we will argue over it because I was hurt and I'll say mean things to him due to the pain and sometimes to the extent that I had really felt like giving up....I would even say I'm tired of it and it's depressing true it really is depressing specially when you really love your husband and you feel like it's never ending and he's been lost for a while and you can't lead him to the right direction to get home to you...but my husband is never a quitter he's a fighter I really love those qualities of him..
although he's in the dark as long as there's a spark of light and he's never giving up I know soon he will find his way home to me to where he belongs (in my arms)....that spark will keep him going although it's hard...partly I feel sorry for the words I have said because he's hurting too..
we wives and partners who post here about how we feel about what they're doing to us and our relationship and yes we cried a hundred times for this issue for the lost relationship for the lost love for the lost connection but let's ask ourselves is it just us who are hurting?....they are hurting too both person in the relationship are experiencing hurt...

no husband or boyfriend enjoys seeing their partners cry and make them feel not good enough.. we should be glad were not lost and yes we feel sad depressed about it but be glad you're not the one who is lost and you can be the light to lead him to you....I realize that this things doesn't happen without any reason and for sure giving up is not the answer..I would say I'm letting go of the hurt and the pain it caused me because as long as the feeling. is there I know I will not be a bright enough light to lead him back to me...be cheerful and stay positive that's what I'm working towards right now with my self and keep the love alive...as long as the blood in those veins are still pumping keep trying and keep supporting AJA!!!!! we will all make it to the happy ending

 

[Steam rolled]

Hi ria

Good attitude you have towards this painful time in your life!
I wish you both the best as we have been threw similar, but we are on strike 3 and the last.
As much as  we love them one can only do so much for another, so as long as they are trying i agree and just hate seeing the man you love in pain or controlled!
But also i myself cant and wont take it again if he goes back!

Basically the ball is in there court and he seems to have a good supporter and coach by his side You
I hope he realizes that.
Mine does 

Good luck!  8)

 

[Will500]

Hi Ria,

I read this post a couple of days ago, and have been thinking about it since.  I wasn't sure whether to reply - but felt I had something to say so here goes.....

When I read your post it reminded me of something the country singer Jonny Cash once said (bear with me, there's a point to this).  He said he had a dog called Sin and Another called Redemption.  Sin was a black dog with a white stripe and Redemption was a white dog with a black stripe. He said the names seemed right because no matter how much he gave himself to sin, there was still always some good, some kindness in him.  And no matter how he tried to be good - and he tried really hard sometimes - there was always some darkness, some destructiveness in him.  However dark he was there was a stripe of light.  However light he was there was a stripe of dark.

It seems to me (and I hope I've got this right - forgive me if not) you want to be the light for your husband - but I feel as a human being, there will always be at least a stripe of dark in you too.  And when this comes out - in harsh words, or whatever way - I wonder how you will feel?  If you tell yourself this must never happen, will you give in to shame and despair?

So I wonder if this might be a good way to look at it.  For your relationship to work you and your husband will need to embrace the light and dark in yourselves and each other.  You will need to enjoy what is good in your husband, what is nurturing and what is fun.  He will need to enjoy this in you to.  You will also need to understand his pain and fear - as you clearly do so much from the beautiful words you write.  But maybe you also need to ask for understanding from him.  To understand the pain and fear that drive your harsh words (perhaps you could explain to him the pain and fear underneath your anger - beneath anger there is always pain and fear).  My thought is that in sharing both your darkness and the light the two of you could move in to an even greater love than you have already - a love that embraces the darkness and the light.  And such a love, I think is truly the one that moves into the great light that is the love for all things.  The light that truly overcomes all darkness.

Hope that makes some kind of sense.  Take what's useful and leave the rest.

I want to end by saying that I was really moved by your post and think your partner is incredibly lucky to have such a caring woman in his life.  I hope he knows it.

Sending all the light I can muster,

Will.

 

[riahatesporn]

thanks for sharing it really means so much to me joining this forum helped me.deal with the pain and realize things and also my own flaws now I can say that I don't say such painful words now and I'm doing it for the better and I'm working towards developing my own self and be confident....and when you said something about light and dark it reminds me of balance yin and yang or good and evil...embracing the good and the bad and accepting the imperfection thank you for that message Will it really helped and I learned from it