30 / and in need of a reboot

[Outkast84]

I know most of the guys on here are heterosexual, but hopefully a few of you guys out there can help out a fellow guy even though i'm gay. I'm going through a lot of what i'm reading, but I just have so many questions that I couldn't not post anymore.

As far as back story, I grew up in a house with just me and my father. He had a lot of video porn and from the time I was 9+ it was always readily accessible. I started masturbating around the age of 10. I don't think I developed a problem with porn and ED until the latter years of college. I was so busy with school that I didn't have time to date and internet porn had evolved into a whole new level.  I was watching porn and masturbating daily. From the age of 15 til now i cant remember ever going more than 48 hours without masturbating. From the age of 24 until now (i'm 30) I cant remember a single fulfilling sexual experience with another man. The will was there, but the equipment wasn't working. From the age of 25 I was so embarrassed and afraid of ED while having sex, I avoided having sex or even dating. I tried a few random hook ups from time to time to see if the equipment was working, but not no avail. I do get and have full on morning wood all the time.

I eventually went to my doctor about a year ago and told him of my failures. He took blood and did all the medical things and insisted I should be able to have a complete sexual experience without the use of pharmaceuticals. He did give samples of the "blue pill" but he advised I seek out alternate reasons why I wasn't able to perform sexually. I didn't take him seriously and used the pill once with a friend whom I liked a lot, and to my shock it still didn't work. I was able to obtain an erection, but not keep it throughout the entire sexual experience.

Eventually I went to the web and found this place. I've been reading and empathizing with a lot of the stories. I've now gone a week without any porn, any masturbating and no orgasms (i've assumed this is PMO?). I've watched some of the videos on here as well and have gained a certain level of expectations.

I just feel a little lost without this part of my life. I haven't had any serious withdrawal symptoms yet, but i expect the worse. I dont want any relapses as i'm not good with failure, but I dont see how going 120 days or more without masturbating is going to help with an actual act of sex. I know this is a lot and any help on the topic would be appreciated.

Is it okay to masturbate while rebooting? Is it okay to have sex while rebooting? How do you really know if your reboot is done if your not having sex or masturbating? Is there any way to "check" on your own progress. I really struggled through my 20s because of this problem and i want my 30's to be so much better. Thanks for reading this if you made it this far.

 

[nomox3]

Hey, just wanted to throw you some encouragement. Keep reading the stuff on your brain on porn web site, the goal is to quit porn all together forever! PMO does stand for porn masturbation orgasm, or rather all three in one setting. The suggested method of reboot is masturbation, but some do masturbate during reboot, they just do it with out thinking of any thing except how it feels right then.

Basically, no artificial stimulation at all, not even your imagination.

They also tell you that real sex is ok. Just nothing artificial.

I personally would suggest MO at all. But I got to admit, I haven't done so well at that myself through my reboot. Even with MO, I have seen results. I'm about 26 days or so in, don't really know, don't really keep track, because I refuse to go back to P.

One of the best things you can do is replace the old habits of PMO with new habits. Pick up a hobby, or learn something new, or volunteer for anything. Keeping track will only big you down, but get a counter for your signature any ways, because over time it will encourage you. Just don't watch it ask the time.

When I feel tempted, I post on here. It helps allot to have good support in this.

Well good luck! Keep us posted on your progress.

 

[cinefile77]

It's great you found this site. I've been most helped by the information about the brain chemistry part of porn addiction. Check out books on the subject too. It's still kind of a struggle for me and there are triggers everywhere. But I've made it so far and the equipment started working right faster than I expected.  I wish I knew about PIED sooner.

Find something else to occupy your time and get your mind away from it. It's been difficult for me because of the last year or 2, it was an everyday thing. But take into consideration the amount of time you've lost and will now have for a real life hook up/relationship.

Masturbation shouldn't be a problem if you just get it out of the way quickly with no visual stimulation and no death grip.

Keep up the good work. When I gave up porn in October, I rediscovered how great the real thing is. Orientation has nothing to do with how our brains react to porn. People here will still help.

 

[neon tiger]

Welcome outkast. Recovery and support is available for anyone who really wants this, and is willing to take the necessary action.

I don't see this reboot process as something that will necessarily be over. That is not to say that I will never develop the capacity to be porn free and physiologically functional with a partner I feel physically and emotionally attracted to, but I will need to be always vigilant if my thinking to not fall for porn again. I kept my hands off my junk for about 71 days, and my relapse is not related to the facts that I jerked off (which I did exclusively to physical sensation, not porn, images or even fantasies or memories- can't stress this enough), but rather because of the way I think. But early on, it was too enmeshed with porn for me to make a distinction. You need to determine for yourself what you want to get out of this, and what you need to do.
Good luck. Keep coming back, reading others stories and checking in on your journal.

 

[Outkast84]

So guys I really appreciate the words. Helps to kind of get different ideas and thought processes on the subject. I posted yesterday and obviously had masturbation on the mind. That being said, it was all i could think about today. That in itself let me know i'm not ready to take that step yet. Had a very hard day at work, and normally those are days when I binge on porn and masturbation.

Today, I made a point to run every single errand I could so I wouldn't come home and do that. After 9 hours at work, I ran around town like a madman and i'm so exhausted that now I dont even have the energy.

I'm thinking of keeping an extra set of clothes in the car to just go do anything after work instead of coming home and having too much free time to myself. In the video the creator put on here it talks about taking up a hobby or something. I've been thinking of getting into Crossfit training during the evening hours. It looks so exhausting and a good way to get out some pent up frustration.

Anyone notice any busy activities that really work to keep your mind preoccupied?

 

[cinefile77]

Any kind of training would work.

Also, if you can be more social, that helps. Hang out with friends, go out to eat, go to movies or wherever. When you're at home, keep busy. Surely there are things that need done. Cleaning, getting things watched and deleted from the dvr, cooking, etc. you have to make it where you can stand to be at home alone and not opt to binge. You'll get tired of errands all the time.  It's a difficult process. I was lucky in my timing. When I admitted I am addicted, I had a vacation coming up, so it was a good thing to be away for awhile. Yes, Internet is always there, but when there are other new things and places to see, it's less tempting.

 

[nomox3]

Don't just fill your time with any thing. Think about what you want to accomplish. What are your goals in life other than to be free of PMO. Are you all about your career? Any thing you used to be into when you were younger that you have up? Something you been wanting to get done around the house, remodel, painting, deep cleaning?

Find something that you have been putting off, and throw yourself into it. All the while, be aware of your triggers. Don't beat your self up for thinking thoughts, but when you're mind does go in a direction you don't want it to, be prepared, have something to distract it.

Rearrange your living room and bed room. Do something that will help break the pattern in your home so that you can change your habits.

Just a few suggestions

You can do this. It hurts to be self controlled, but with time you get stronger.

 

[Outkast84]

So, last night I started to masturbate in bed. I was in that place between being awake and about to fall asleep. It was a totally involuntary reaction and it caught me off guard. I was fully erect the entire time. Once I realized what i was doing, I stopped. I didn't watch any porn and I didn't orgasm, but I definitely feel like I crossed some sort of line. Does this mean I need to restart my counter?

I'm starting to see the "addiction" side of masturbation for me. I could honestly go without porn for the rest of my life, but i'm beginning to understand how difficult not having orgasms for an extended period of time is going to be. I feel like a person addicted to crack or heroin. ALL my mind has been on the last 4 days or so is masturbation. After the experience, I had this mental dialog that if i started to do it, i might as well go ahead and finish. I don't want this reboot to be something like if I get to 120 days, then I can start masturbating all I want at that point. I want it to mean something more than just a milestone, but theres no guarantee that after 120 days i'll be rebooted (if thats a word). I want to be able to have prolonged sexual experiences with my partner. I want to enjoy sex and not fear it.

I'm concerned that I crossed the line last night. It really had me upset all day. I feel like I failed before 2 weeks even came around. Its kind of a pathetic feeling that you cant go 2 weeks without masturbating like some hormone enraged teenager.

Any thoughts?

 

[Outkast84]

So today was a much better day all around. Some good things happened at work and thats always good for the emotions. After work went out and celebrated with a few coworkers. Probably the only day I haven't thought about M in a long time.