5 months into reboot. Can have sex, but only missionary. This common?

[Gojira]

I've been aware of this site for months, and am so grateful to become aware of why I was having ED. This is the first I'm posting here though.

I haven't been doing day counting, but I'm about 5 months in now since I became aware of the problem. Went a good 2 months without porn, then went into a slight relapse during a stressful time, but since I started dating my new girlfriend, I've been good again. I still don't feel like I'm completely cured, certainly better from when I started, but still feel incomplete. I do have a bit of libido with her. I can usual get an erection when I first see her and we crawl into bed. We can have successful sex missionary position. Usually stay pretty hard, might shrink a little, but can usually stay hard to cum. 2nd or 3rd time take some work to get up, but can usual have sex multiple times. Thing is, it just seems to want to work missionary style. Any other position and it just wants to shrink up. Anyone else run across this problem? I would think with a returning libido it wouldn't matter what position it is, but could be wrong.

 

[Pr3c1se]

If she is aware of your situation, then just practice with her maybe?

 

[Gojira]

She's aware of the situation, yet doesn't quite believe it's possible to get ED from porn. Blames it more on anxiety. But regardless, she's an understanding type. Truly an amazing woman, and I plan to marry her.

But, back to the problem, we do try to practice and it just ends up killing my erection (which on some days isn't the easiest to get). That's why I was curious if other recoverers have experienced similar situations, and hopefully can say further down the road that this gets better. I would like to enjoy her in other positions.

 

[Jimmy James]

You need to get her to read YBOP.

 

[Chaos Mind]

Missionary for me is the one position I feel the most down there. It's the closest connection to a girl that I can think of. It's the position for those who make love, and not just fuck. When I had slight problems with stiffness, I couldn't have her on top. I think another reason for that is gravity and your penis struggling to keep the blood up

 

[Phase2]

You say you're not using porn, but do you masturbate? You shouldn't be at all if you are having this type of problem. I might try a period where you only allow yourself to O if you are in a non-missionary position. Train your brain to get rewards from alternate positioning. If it means you go three weeks without an O while you are focusing on her so be it.

 

[Gojira]

It's the position for those who make love, and not just fuck. When I had slight problems with stiffness, I couldn't have her on top. I think another reason for that is gravity and your penis struggling to keep the blood up

Thank you Chaos Mind, I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who struggled with this.

You say you're not using porn, but do you masturbate? You shouldn't be at all if you are having this type of problem. I might try a period where you only allow yourself to O if you are in a non-missionary position. Train your brain to get rewards from alternate positioning. If it means you go three weeks without an O while you are focusing on her so be it.

Prior to, and partially into this relationship I masturbated once in awhile still. But I cut it off completely now. I only let her get me off and in the 2 months we've been together, I've seen massive improvements. Things she tried before that gave me zero stimulation before now do. I just thought a returning libido would be a returning libido and I wouldn't have issues trying new positions. As Chaos Mind mentioned too, it could be gravity and blood flow.

 

[Pr3c1se]

I'm sure anxiety plays a little role as well.  Once you attempt to have sex, and your dick just doesn't work.  Every time you have sex, you're thinking shit is my dick going to work this time?

I've read other people on these forums who have said they can get a boner when in one position, then as soon as they move from that position lose it.  I'm not sure the science behind bit, but I've 100% read this multiple times. 

Phase2 has a great idea.  If you can't orgasm through, lets say doggy style, then don't orgasm that night.  Sex does not ALWAYS have to be about orgasm.

 

[Phase2]

I'd also add that if you have seen 'massive improvements' in the last two months only having sex with her, you are doing great. Just continue to enjoy what you have now (something most of us on here would really like to be experiencing) and then the rest will no doubt happen for you with some more time and great rewiring with her. Just NO porn and NO masturbation. We are all impatient. But sounds like you are well on your way. Stay committed.

 

[Killa_Mike]

Hey bro, actually I can relate very much to your story as I suffer from a very similar issue in my ED. I would only get some success out of missionary, rarely when she on top and never any through anything like doggy, cannot penetrate.
Many sufferers have problems maintaining an erection while standing, is this an issue you have? I think this could be a reason for short lived erections in a non horizontal position. Personally I think I have seen some improvementso far in my standing erections from my reboot.

 

[Steam rolled]

your situation sounds similar to ours and anxiety played a HUGE role!

ED was ruled out - no PMO or M or ED drugs.
Now he uses a C ring most times and 8 months 6 days later 99% of the time my husband is good
To go
Hope that helps!

Stay strong & Good luck! 

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

Steam Rolled, glad to hear of the success. I know no fap helped me immensely, but recently I messed up and it did affect me. Going to make up my mind, especially since I know for sure Not doing any PMO works for me.