The Return to True Self

[PrayingMantis]

My brain is addicted but I am not my brain. This pattern will be broken.

Towards the beginning, I was a healthy person with great ambitions, drive, and focus. Now, my life has been overtaken my a mental fog that doesn't seem to go away, poor academic performance, weak will-power, a weakening social life, a weak and starting to become unhealthy relationship. The bulk of my day is spent in front of a laptop surfing the web, and fapping back to back (at least 3x/ day) to an ever-growing variety of material. I got my first glimpse 7 years ago, and have been hooked ever since. I had never imagined that this would ever become a strong addiction. I've decided to start after my last fapping session and hope to become a new healthier me.

My plan is to change my routine after the cues. I plan on avoiding whatever cues I can as much as possible.

Cue(s): Being in my room, working on my schoolwork while surfing the web, stumbling upon provocative images, TV, music, looking at girls
Routine: Fap
Reward: Dopamine rush

The plan is to replace the routine with completely stepping away from the laptop and doing a set of push-ups till failure.

Tomorrow will be Day 1 and I hope to see myself by the end of the next few months to be a transformed person.

 

[PrayingMantis]

Haven't fapped today... This day has gone without urges. I have been fairly depressed and anxious throughout the day, but I've been managing fine overall. It's been the usual mood for a year now and the goal is a new Me without arousal addiction.

Now that I've committed to a new life without PMO, I feel that my mind will want to seek some new habits to fill the time. I can't wait to see a fully transformed Me!

 

[dwenjang1218]

Hello Praying Mantis!
In my opinion, the first week will be very difficult!
You will most likely feel strong urges back to back, every day.
But after that you'll find a few days of urge-less peace and clarity of mind.
So the next time you feel the urge, look forward to that pocket of peace, I guarantee it will come.

Good luck on your reboot journey.

 

[PrayingMantis]

Hello Praying Mantis!
In my opinion, the first week will be very difficult!
You will most likely feel strong urges back to back, every day.
But after that you'll find a few days of urge-less peace and clarity of mind.
So the next time you feel the urge, look forward to that pocket of peace, I guarantee it will come.

Good luck on your reboot journey.

Thanks for the input. Makes a huge difference to receive advice from others.

I had a moment where I almost gave in today. It was weird .. I realized that I wasn't having any physiological reasons to do it.. Wasn't feeling turned on at all.. I just felt like I had to in order to feel sane or 'get my fix'. I did what I needed to do by reminding myself that I have already gone 2 days, and do not want to ruin the streak. I told myself that if I take this reboot journey too lightly, then I will continue having to start all over again and entering that cycle of regret.. Might as well get this reboot out of the way. I stepped away from the laptop and did a set of push-ups till failure.

Realized that I've gotten pretty unfit too over the last few years. Hoping this reboot journey will eventually get my foot into the fitness door soon too.

 

[PrayingMantis]

Day 3 went by fine overall. Felt the urge to do it at one point but talked myself out of it.
Started feeling a bit depressed but prayed it out, went for a jog.
Right now, I have no urge.

 

[iwillprevail]

Hope you are doing fine now.. How bad is your condition on a scale from 1 to 10?

 

[PrayingMantis]

Hope you are doing fine now.. How bad is your condition on a scale from 1 to 10?

Hello

Not too bad actually...
I'm probably at 4 if 10 is completely horrible
I've just been feeling super tired and fatigued. Felt desire today. Did not get to be alone in my
room with a laptop today so was able to avoid situations completely
4 days done!

 

[iwillprevail]

I think you spotted your problem early, some of us go into the 8-10 lol.. I hope you have a smooth withdrawal process it will prevent you from self medicating with other substances..

 

[PrayingMantis]

I think you spotted your problem early, some of us go into the 8-10 lol.. I hope you have a smooth withdrawal process it will prevent you from self medicating with other substances..

yeah i probably did spot it at a good time.. I didn't have PIED or any other extreme problem. I just felt a lack of desire to engage in everyday life, lack of focus, mental fog, feeling depressed.. etc.  it might sound like BS but today I feel better and more normal. I'm really hoping i don't go through a long flatline stage, or one at all.

Although I feel an urge to fap, I will not do it. 5 days into this and definitely can't turn back now.

 

[PrayingMantis]

Yesterday and today have been extremely difficult.

Anybody know if not being able to sleep is common in the reboot process? I've gotten absolutely zero sleep in the last two days. My body is tired but my brain won't go to sleep. I initially attributed to school stress, but even after completing school work I feel this continuous feeling of anxiety. If this is usual, any advice on how to move through this phase would be appreciated. I've come close to fapping not because I want to but I just want to avoiid this nasty feeling. I keep telling myself that I will come back and do a reboot some other time.

 

[jkkk]

Hey bro,

Hang in there, man, hang in!

Yes, sleeplessness is absolutely normal. It will go away, believe me. Maybe it will take same time, but it will go away.

My advice would that, if you can, try not to plan anything new/difficult/challenging for the next few weeks (ideally, half a year if possible). It will give you time to be able to sustain the unpleasant effects of withdrawal and take them softly, caring about yourself (sleeping, eating well, exercising, reading etc.).

Many of us here have been through pretty nasty withdrawals, so we all are here with you, feel for you and think about you. We're with you, really. Don't give up!

 

[iwillprevail]

Yeah man, dont give up now. Keep going, you got this.. Try drinking some peppermint tea at night. I tried beer and it worked but I dont want u on alcohol. Have you tried a melatonin supplement?

 

[PrayingMantis]

Thanks bros.. did not give up.Got 9 hours of sleep without a problem last night. Ive come too far to give up on and starting to feel a.bit better today.

 

[jkkk]

glad to hear that. Just keep in hanging there. We are with you. In a way, many of us are with you every day, regardless of circumstances. We keep on starting every day, even if "first day" is not always a first day without P. It is a first day without P as a resolve. Sometimes it is the max you can get.

Bro, be there. I'm feeling every single bit of your pain. It hurts, I know.

You, I, we all deserve something better.

We will get there, we will be there.

 

[PrayingMantis]

Thanks for the support.

I'm realizing how great this place is as a tool for quitting completely. I've come so close to relapsing.. my mind is always ready, but the fact that I'd have to come on here to admit that I relapsed and the thought of starting over doesn't let me.  Thanks so much. I've tried so many times to quit using various techniques but this forum has given me the best results so far.

One thing i've realized is that I need to limit the cues. I've stumbled upon pics of girls and that didn't help the situation. Another realization that I've had is that I'm pushing myself to solve some of the personal deeper issues of life, such as the concentration in my career, and looking forward to changing other unproductive habits as well. I think the best way to let go of this addiction is to replace the routines with other more productive stuff. This way, you get the most out of life and makes the quitting process much easier.

8 days are done and I don't think that pocket of peace is too far. I'm getting used to this and can't imagine facing the horrible feeling of quitting. Don't want that post fap guilt.

 

[dwenjang1218]

Man I know that feeling.
I remember pinching my thighs and gritting my teeth through sleepless nights
being only micro-seconds away from MO'ing, and then talking myself out of it.
Now the maximum cravings are only half as intense. They are totally manageable.
I hope you feel the same way soon!

 

[jkkk]

As regards cues such as pics/social media, whatever you find out there, it is something I have a really big problem with.

I can sincerely say that I managed to cut out P 4 years ago - it sounds like a feat, but I can tell you: sadly, it is not. Because I've been constantly reproducing behaviour connected with PMO'ing - looking for pics, looking around etc.

Try to cut that off, if you can. I know it it strange, because why the hell can you not just use facebook like all other people in the world. But I think that we, PMO addicts, are very susceptible to really using it in a way harmful for ourselves.

 

[PrayingMantis]

Hey all...

Wasn't able to check in yesterday. I've kept up with my no PMO..Still haven't given up on this.

Overall though, I feel much more at peace and even getting more productive throughout the day. I do agree though, that first week was brutal. I've been feeling fairly virile and even starting to feel more connected with others. Although the desire is there, I feel much more in control and it is no longer a discomforting desire. I've recognized it's there and part of my life and I'll use it in a healthy way.

 

[dwenjang1218]

Hey Mantis, the way I see it, you've already won 1/4 of the battle (of complete reboot)!
You'd better get ready for another scary ride, tough.
I predict that this one will be as difficult as the first week, perhaps even more.
Brace yourself and good luck!

 

[PrayingMantis]

Hey Mantis, the way I see it, you've already won 1/4 of the battle (of complete reboot)!
You'd better get ready for another scary ride, tough.
I predict that this one will be as difficult as the first week, perhaps even more.
Brace yourself and good luck!

Oh man..

Good thing is I won't be giving up.. ive thoroughly enjoyed the first victory.. this second one can only make be feel better.