Greetings everyone,
I am a 24 years-old male and I have been using porn for 12 years and I started at the age of 12. When I was 14 I got really hooked up in porn and I masturbated to porn 2-3 times every day of the week. Later I switched from pictures to videos and developed stockings and pantyhose fetishism which is a nice fetish I presume, but when people heard of this they were looking as if I was some kind of pervert. When I was 16 years old I fell in love with one of my classmates and I was always getting boners around her, yet I was too ashamed to tell her that I love her and would like to have some intimacy with her due to feelings of guilt. I would also like to note that this limerance lasted for about 6 years. By the way sexuality has never been talked in the family and my father was bit of a pious man, so he avoided these topics at all cost which got interpret by me as sex is a dirty thing and only married people are allowed to have sex. At the age of 22, I decided to have sex with a real woman and thinking only option was paid sex I rented an escort service. I went to the escort girl's home and I had told her to wear stockings for me beforehand. I was getting erections with the idea that I was going to have sex for the first time ever and while I was talking to her on the phone. When I was at her place and be began having sex it was a shame I nearly could not get any pleasure and I had trouble keeping it up. Then I said the porn had to do something with this, but continued watching it keeping bookmarks of pages on false Gmail accounts etc. Last year I abstained from porn before going abroad for 1 month and 2 months abroad and I think it paid off. I went to the Red Light District of the city I was in and got it on with various hookers on a weekly basis and it was great fun, but I exhausted most of my money. When I returned to my hometown I relapsed back into my porn addiction and I am having trouble quitting it right now and interferes with all aspects of my life. I used to be a really successful person academically, though I always sucked in social relationships and especially with girls. Now I began to suck at everything I cannot concentrate on my lessons, I cannot have fruitful relationships, I cannot find a partner etc. etc. and I am pursuing a master's degree in Electrical and Electronics Engineering with additional duties of a teaching assistant and a research assistant. Furthermore, I developed IBS(Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and this also lowers my self-esteem a great deal and I can no longer get aroused by seeing a hot girl nor watching various porn videos on different tabs. After returning to my hometown, I paid for sex twice and both of them were not satisfying since I had trouble maintaining firm erections and I was nagged by the prostitute due to that. My penis was nearly numb and I had no explanation for that. I have been to various psychologists and psychiatrists previously and now I am sticking with one therapist. She suggested that I should go and see an urologist, which I did. The urologist prescribed me the medicine Levitra and the horny goat supplement which I have been using for 4 days. In order to see if I benefited from this supplement I tried masturbating to porn again since I have no partner, but the feelings were not good. I have never had a girlfriend and I think that being as horny as me I should be able to get a few girls which is much better than porn. In order to get girls, I have been taking dance classes for about 4 years since 99% of my colleagues are males and we need to work hard in order to survive. However, I cannot notice if a particular female fancies me or not and I have(and had) all the opportunities to have a good sex life since I live alone(used to live alone when I was undergraduate too) in a studio apartment. But I cannot invite girls over and I am always afraid that if we have sex I may have erectile disfunctions. I am feeling like a worthless piece of junk and these problems have been bugging me since adolescence. I would like to hear your suggestions and stories together with the ups and downs of your life to get encouraged. It has been a long text and I appreciate those people who have read it.
I am a 24 years-old male and I have been using porn for 12 years and I started at the age of 12. When I was 14 I got really hooked up in porn and I masturbated to porn 2-3 times every day of the week. Later I switched from pictures to videos and developed stockings and pantyhose fetishism which is a nice fetish I presume, but when people heard of this they were looking as if I was some kind of pervert. When I was 16 years old I fell in love with one of my classmates and I was always getting boners around her, yet I was too ashamed to tell her that I love her and would like to have some intimacy with her due to feelings of guilt. I would also like to note that this limerance lasted for about 6 years. By the way sexuality has never been talked in the family and my father was bit of a pious man, so he avoided these topics at all cost which got interpret by me as sex is a dirty thing and only married people are allowed to have sex. At the age of 22, I decided to have sex with a real woman and thinking only option was paid sex I rented an escort service. I went to the escort girl's home and I had told her to wear stockings for me beforehand. I was getting erections with the idea that I was going to have sex for the first time ever and while I was talking to her on the phone. When I was at her place and be began having sex it was a shame I nearly could not get any pleasure and I had trouble keeping it up. Then I said the porn had to do something with this, but continued watching it keeping bookmarks of pages on false Gmail accounts etc. Last year I abstained from porn before going abroad for 1 month and 2 months abroad and I think it paid off. I went to the Red Light District of the city I was in and got it on with various hookers on a weekly basis and it was great fun, but I exhausted most of my money. When I returned to my hometown I relapsed back into my porn addiction and I am having trouble quitting it right now and interferes with all aspects of my life. I used to be a really successful person academically, though I always sucked in social relationships and especially with girls. Now I began to suck at everything I cannot concentrate on my lessons, I cannot have fruitful relationships, I cannot find a partner etc. etc. and I am pursuing a master's degree in Electrical and Electronics Engineering with additional duties of a teaching assistant and a research assistant. Furthermore, I developed IBS(Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and this also lowers my self-esteem a great deal and I can no longer get aroused by seeing a hot girl nor watching various porn videos on different tabs. After returning to my hometown, I paid for sex twice and both of them were not satisfying since I had trouble maintaining firm erections and I was nagged by the prostitute due to that. My penis was nearly numb and I had no explanation for that. I have been to various psychologists and psychiatrists previously and now I am sticking with one therapist. She suggested that I should go and see an urologist, which I did. The urologist prescribed me the medicine Levitra and the horny goat supplement which I have been using for 4 days. In order to see if I benefited from this supplement I tried masturbating to porn again since I have no partner, but the feelings were not good. I have never had a girlfriend and I think that being as horny as me I should be able to get a few girls which is much better than porn. In order to get girls, I have been taking dance classes for about 4 years since 99% of my colleagues are males and we need to work hard in order to survive. However, I cannot notice if a particular female fancies me or not and I have(and had) all the opportunities to have a good sex life since I live alone(used to live alone when I was undergraduate too) in a studio apartment. But I cannot invite girls over and I am always afraid that if we have sex I may have erectile disfunctions. I am feeling like a worthless piece of junk and these problems have been bugging me since adolescence. I would like to hear your suggestions and stories together with the ups and downs of your life to get encouraged. It has been a long text and I appreciate those people who have read it.
