C
ChangeNow
Guest
Well I relapsed. I made it to 55 days which is good, but time to recommit to the process. I can see the steps that led me astray. Home alone gets the better of me, again! I found out last night that my wife would be gone tonight and started to have those thoughts. I really didn't think about it today, I really didn't plan on it I was going to spend the evening drawing to keep my mind focused.
I tried to draw but couldn't get into it. Instead the computer called. With all the attention that movie that came out last week has been getting on the news I was getting tempted to find out more about it. Mistake!
Reading about that movie did it. Before I knew It I was searching for things again. It was like a trance. I was aware that I shouldn't, but couldn't stop myself. That little voice in my head saying "just one time, it won't change anything, I can stop after one more time.
I sure wish that I was stronger man. I got that hit of adrenaline and away went all the progress I made. Now I feel like crap. 30 plus years of porn addiction just doesn't go away over night.
I need to remember how I feel now. I need to pick myself off of the mat and fight harder. I will make it to 90 days and beyond. I deserve better than this.
I tried to draw but couldn't get into it. Instead the computer called. With all the attention that movie that came out last week has been getting on the news I was getting tempted to find out more about it. Mistake!
Reading about that movie did it. Before I knew It I was searching for things again. It was like a trance. I was aware that I shouldn't, but couldn't stop myself. That little voice in my head saying "just one time, it won't change anything, I can stop after one more time.
I sure wish that I was stronger man. I got that hit of adrenaline and away went all the progress I made. Now I feel like crap. 30 plus years of porn addiction just doesn't go away over night.
I need to remember how I feel now. I need to pick myself off of the mat and fight harder. I will make it to 90 days and beyond. I deserve better than this.