MarieCheri
New Member
Hello everyone.
The ins and outs that lead me to this forum and which inspired me to make a journal are perhaps a bit unusual compared to most people, but I suppose each one of us has a different tale to tell, and the idea of writing a journal like this really appeals to me so I guess I'll start right here and see where it takes me.
I have read the rules but I am still a little hazy as to what in particular count as triggers so I would like to put a WARNING! Though I don't intend to be at all explicit I am sorry if my discussion touches on uncomfortable areas or is not well formatted to prevent triggers. If anyone wants to offer advice on this please do!
To begin with the basics, I am a woman, 29, and I am in a loving relationship with a very lovely man. Since the start of this relationship, nearly three years ago, I have very seldom (if at all?) watched any internet pornography, although I have and do use other forms of erotic stimulus, and I used porn regularly for a couple of years before that. I will discuss this more in depth at a later point, this first post is hopefully just going to be an introduction of sorts.
My partner is a true gentleman who, I am happy to say, has a (generally) healthy attitude towards porn, although like all men he does use it occasionally. It is not at a level that I would describe as an addiction. I would generally not count porn as an 'issue' in our very loving and communicative relationship, or not a deep one, I should say.
However due to a situation arising recently (which, again, I will elaborate on soon) I was forced to confront my actual feelings regarding porn use, which were confusing and contradictory. At length, this started me on a course of google searches and article reading which eventually lead me here, which was so helpful I can't even begin to say. I had so many questions, especially concerning men's 'nature' and their compulsion to use porn, but even though my partner is very intelligent and open it is obviously difficult to discuss such things, especially without it seeming like an interrogation! I have found many answers here already, and look forward to reading more in time.
I suppose you could say that my main problem with porn is the mixed and confusing feelings that engulfed me when I really considered it. On the one hand I felt (and read a lot of people saying) that occasional use is fine, and I should 'deal with' the fact my significant other watches it occasionally, while on the other hand I have a tangible and very real sinking feeling of fear and dread - that this is perhaps all not as 'harmless' as people claim it is, and that there may be darker elements to it - aside from the morality aspect of it.
The reason for these feelings of dread have a clear source: I have had one other relationship, which ended a week short of 5 years together, with a man who undoubtedly suffered from an internet porn addiction.
In many ways it was a classic case, while it was the first substantial sexual relationship for both of us (I was 19, he 20 when we got together), he had been watching internet porn daily since he was a young teenager. He had a particular taboo preference, and the ongoing strains our relationship were under due to that fact were substantial (again, will go in to this further).
This created all sorts of baggage that I have unwittingly carried into my current relationship, not only about trust and porn use generally, but also in the form of my own insecurities and not knowing how to approach discussion on pornography, or the actions I should take, or we should take as a couple.
The other part that is involved in my whirling conflicted feelings surrounding internet pornography is my own use, which ties back to my first point of having other outlets if not online porn, and the guilt and confusion surround that as well (especially when you bring in moral questions).
It is these complex questions and pondering which brought me here to the Reboot Nation forum.
To summarise somewhat, internet pornography has had a very negative effect on me in the past, and though the immediate issues ended with the relationship, these negative effects have stayed with me over time and even now influence my current relationship and the decisions I make within it.
Personally I feel that internet pornography is a modern minefield (hence my journal title =), a new social situation which we are only beginning to understand, and which can have very real and negative consequences both for users and those who are in a relationship with them. I hope to spend my time here at Reboot Nation learning more around the science of addictions and to try and work out a healthy understanding and approach to internet porn and my relationship to it, both as an individual and a sexual partner, and also perhaps to try and help others if I can.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and, as I say, I will update soon to elaborate on particular parts of this post.
Looking forward to spending time here.
The ins and outs that lead me to this forum and which inspired me to make a journal are perhaps a bit unusual compared to most people, but I suppose each one of us has a different tale to tell, and the idea of writing a journal like this really appeals to me so I guess I'll start right here and see where it takes me.
I have read the rules but I am still a little hazy as to what in particular count as triggers so I would like to put a WARNING! Though I don't intend to be at all explicit I am sorry if my discussion touches on uncomfortable areas or is not well formatted to prevent triggers. If anyone wants to offer advice on this please do!
To begin with the basics, I am a woman, 29, and I am in a loving relationship with a very lovely man. Since the start of this relationship, nearly three years ago, I have very seldom (if at all?) watched any internet pornography, although I have and do use other forms of erotic stimulus, and I used porn regularly for a couple of years before that. I will discuss this more in depth at a later point, this first post is hopefully just going to be an introduction of sorts.
My partner is a true gentleman who, I am happy to say, has a (generally) healthy attitude towards porn, although like all men he does use it occasionally. It is not at a level that I would describe as an addiction. I would generally not count porn as an 'issue' in our very loving and communicative relationship, or not a deep one, I should say.
However due to a situation arising recently (which, again, I will elaborate on soon) I was forced to confront my actual feelings regarding porn use, which were confusing and contradictory. At length, this started me on a course of google searches and article reading which eventually lead me here, which was so helpful I can't even begin to say. I had so many questions, especially concerning men's 'nature' and their compulsion to use porn, but even though my partner is very intelligent and open it is obviously difficult to discuss such things, especially without it seeming like an interrogation! I have found many answers here already, and look forward to reading more in time.
I suppose you could say that my main problem with porn is the mixed and confusing feelings that engulfed me when I really considered it. On the one hand I felt (and read a lot of people saying) that occasional use is fine, and I should 'deal with' the fact my significant other watches it occasionally, while on the other hand I have a tangible and very real sinking feeling of fear and dread - that this is perhaps all not as 'harmless' as people claim it is, and that there may be darker elements to it - aside from the morality aspect of it.
The reason for these feelings of dread have a clear source: I have had one other relationship, which ended a week short of 5 years together, with a man who undoubtedly suffered from an internet porn addiction.
In many ways it was a classic case, while it was the first substantial sexual relationship for both of us (I was 19, he 20 when we got together), he had been watching internet porn daily since he was a young teenager. He had a particular taboo preference, and the ongoing strains our relationship were under due to that fact were substantial (again, will go in to this further).
This created all sorts of baggage that I have unwittingly carried into my current relationship, not only about trust and porn use generally, but also in the form of my own insecurities and not knowing how to approach discussion on pornography, or the actions I should take, or we should take as a couple.
The other part that is involved in my whirling conflicted feelings surrounding internet pornography is my own use, which ties back to my first point of having other outlets if not online porn, and the guilt and confusion surround that as well (especially when you bring in moral questions).
It is these complex questions and pondering which brought me here to the Reboot Nation forum.
To summarise somewhat, internet pornography has had a very negative effect on me in the past, and though the immediate issues ended with the relationship, these negative effects have stayed with me over time and even now influence my current relationship and the decisions I make within it.
Personally I feel that internet pornography is a modern minefield (hence my journal title =), a new social situation which we are only beginning to understand, and which can have very real and negative consequences both for users and those who are in a relationship with them. I hope to spend my time here at Reboot Nation learning more around the science of addictions and to try and work out a healthy understanding and approach to internet porn and my relationship to it, both as an individual and a sexual partner, and also perhaps to try and help others if I can.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and, as I say, I will update soon to elaborate on particular parts of this post.
Looking forward to spending time here.