37 yo addict.....trying to start over

[SavGuy]

I'm 37 years old and I have a problem. A problem I want to get past. I have been relying on P as my sexual outlet for at least 19 years. I have had a couple of relationships in the middle of this and only one was what I would consider a serious relationship and it didn't end too well. For years, I have been spending most of my spare time watching P online or in sex chat either online or on my smart phone. Most weekends and extended time off from work, I spend online. I'm talking every waking moment from the time I wake up till time to go to bed. I have not eaten because I couldn't leave my sex chat. My online experiences have lead to me trying online hook ups with random people and putting myself in dangerous situations only to be ultimately disappointed in my real life experience because it was not as satisfying as it is when I watch the same actions in porn.

I have tried to break away from this in the past but have always failed. I am at the point now where I am always tired. I can't remember anything and I always have a cloudy mind. No morning erections, no desire for any companionship, no spontaneous erections. I am currently 3 days without and have a constant headache. I am hoping that fads soon.

 

[ortegaso]

Hi savguy,

There is no better time than now!! So many people have benefitted and lead improve life after giving up porn. I am sure you too will succeed.
All the Best

 

[cinefile77]

It's going to be really difficult but worth it. The real encounters can never match what you see in P because those people are models and there is a lot of editing involved. It's made to suck you in so you keep coming back for more.

Do yourself a favor and look into the brain chemistry side of it instead of feeling worthless or stupid. Sure, you've given a lot of your life to it, but now you can focus on accomplishing other things. Keep busy and exercise. If you live where the weather is nice, hike.  And start getting the proper amount of sleep. Get some sun. If you think you would benefit from therapy or a local group, seek that out. It's really common now. Most people here have lengthy addictions. Mine has been around 30 years. I wish I'd realized it sooner, but it's not the case. We all move on as best we can.

 

[tscooter]

Hey man...take comfort in knowing its not just you. The addiction is a little different with everyone, but follows the same destructive patterns.

I couldn't agree more with @cinefile77. Reading and learning that all of those weird feelings I get have scientific terms and interact with each other. Once you begin to recognize it for what it is, you are empowered to tackle it more objectively and effectively.

Symptoms and urges suck, but it feels so good to have that stuff in the rear view mirror!

Hang in there and keep posting!

 

[benhj]

Hey savguy definitely sounds like you're in the right place. I totally relate to your experiences skipping food and so much sleep due to not being able to tear myself away from the laptop. Can't change that now though. What I can do though is make the single decision to stay abstinent today. If I do that, if I look after myself just for today, tomorrow will take care of itself. Keep coming back savguy, we're all rooting for you!

 

[SavGuy]

Day 5.... Thanks for the support. Knowing I am not along is definitely beneficial. Yesterday was my first full day off and I managed to resist and stay busy all day. It was tough. Several times throughout the day I had to resist pulling up some PMO. Several thoughts throughout the day where I would normally take care of it but I didn't. It was a cold crappy day so I couldn't get out of the house and do stuff so I spent the day cleaning and organizing around the house then I went to a Birthday Party. Normally I probably would have skipped it and would have been a slave to the addiction. I'm feeling ok. Not much of a headache. Not much different other than a constant state of dull horniness. Wish me luck....

 

[tscooter]

Man, I have so much respect for those of you who are single and/or spend time alone, who are still able to resist and be clean. You are certainly much stronger than I. Hoping these victories and ultimately the reboot leads you into what you were made to be and do! Another W for freedom!

 

[benhj]

Keep coming back savguy. Good stuff going to that party. I too would often skip such an event. Now I realise these things are good for me even if I'm feeling like I'd rather stay in. A friend used to tell me that it's probably when I don't want to do something that I need to do it the most.

 

[SavGuy]

Coming to the end of day 7....Today was different. I had a range of emotions. This morning, Monday morning returning to work after a weekend, didn't start out so well. Everything was normal before work but once there, everything was pissing me off and it kept building and building. I really wanted to yell at people but I managed to hold it in. After lunch, I slowly got in a better mood. The day ended pretty well. Woke up this morning with some wood. Resisted being bad this morning. Trying to stay busy this evening. So far, I'm holding strong.

 

[SavGuy]

Day 9 and I'm fighting hard to resist. Everything was fine till I was on the way home from work...I got that feeling and it's been on my mind ever since. It started when I got a text........a little back story is not only have I had an issue with PMO but that lead to acting out some of the things I was watching in my P. Including some of the things that are a little more out there. I have put my self in some dangerous situations for some sex that ended up being not that good. I have done things my normal self would never do. Trying different things just because I became numb to normal things. A lot of sex with strangers because I would rather watch Porn than try to have a relationship....The text was from somebody I had talked about having some group play time with this coming weekend. Obviously after today, that kind of thing is still appealing but I don't want to be that person. I'm trying hard but really wanting to pull up a site and go for it. Wish me luck.

 

[Arcticguy]

Good Luck SavGuy. What works for me is to have a planned activity straight after works. Usually it`s working out because the rush you get from a hard work out mimic some of the rush you get from porn. After working out you think more clearly and the urges usually fades. That buys you time to plan more ahead. Have a clear schedule about what to do when you are not working. Keep busy and always have in mind what your triggers are when it comes to porn. Be ruthless and cut everything that leads you back to porn. You have to be hard to yourself or else you will never beat this shit.

I`m only 20 days or so clear with no pmo, but I can now begin to see the way I have to go to beat this shit that has stolen my life for about 20 years.

Good Luck my friend!