How Can Parents Help Their Kids?

[Jimmy James]

I am a 47 year old guy in recovery and currently on day 56 of my reboot.  You can read my journal in the over 40 section if you wish.  There you can see that my first exposure to porn was as a pre-teen and it was just a magazine.  I have an 11 year old son and 15 year old daughter and I know that all kids now have much more access to porn if they seek it.  Young kids have a more difficult time dealing with porn addiction than us old guys because of that early easy access.

My question is how would you as a teen or even younger want to interact with your parents as far as avoiding porn and porn addiction?  It has got to be the most awkward thing in the world to discuss for both parent and child. Nobody wants to have this discussion, but it really is pretty important.  What should a parent say and more importantly not say to their child about porn?  So far I have not had such a discussion with my kids. 

The only thing I have done is use OpenDNS on our router as a filter to block a lot of access to porn. While I am not computer illiterate, I am no expert either and I know that a lot of kids can find ways around filters.  You can also not stop kids from sending stuff to each other.  My kids only have iPads right now, so most of their access can be filtered at our router (when they are at our house).  I suppose there will come a day when they will have smart phones, which will create a new issue to deal with. What would you as a teen recommend to parents for limiting access to internet porn?

Thanks for providing a different perspective on this issue.

 

[Eminem]

Talk openly with them about it, let them know you won't hate them if they have a problem with it.  But also how addictive and dangerous it is, and how it effects the brain. 

 

[HandsomeAwkward]

I honestly wish I had been warned about the dangers of porn by my father before developing this problem. You really just want to be honest, give them the facts. Tell them masturbation isn't inherently a bad thing but masturbation to porn is, due to the way it affects the brain. And maybe also direct them to YBoP or this website to see how people struggle with it. Also make sure they're old and mature enough to understand and take heed of what you're telling them. You know your kids better than I do so that part's up to you

 

[Sampson Munk]

It's great you are considering this and posting on here. Well done and I salute you with your efforts for helping your children.

I would actually talk to your children separately. A 15 year old girl needs a different apporach and different level of seriousness then an 11 year old boy.

After pulling them aside, I would first ask them for complete honesty from their part. I would also ask seriousness on their part and what your saying is not a joke.

Firstly with your daughter:
As she is more mature I would approach her more directly. Depending on her personality, I would straight up ask her if she knew what pornography was. Had she seen it? How did she first get shown it? If she is willing to tell you if she regularly uses it or not that's fine. I would then inform her of your views of porn. Tell her from a more informative point of view, she will probably understand the brain wiring and neurology of it if you explained. Tell her that it is dangerous, but do not criticise her or forbid her from watching it. This will either make her feel bad or just mean it's another thing to try (she is a teenager after all). Tell her if she ever has any troubles you are always there, always judgement free and always accepting and that you love her.


As for your son:
He is a bit younger so I would go for a vaguer approach.

Ask him if he has seen naked people on the Internet. If he has, ask him how found them, or how he got showed them. Ask him what he saw. Ask him if he has ever looked for this material on his own. If he hasn't seen anything, I would just warn him about it. I would say that there are some very yucky and dangerous things on the Internet if you go looking for pictures of boobs or vaginas. I would buy him a book on puberty for girls and for boys. I would make sure that this book has some sort of image with a naked female in it so his curiosity is at rest. Even an anatomy book should do.



I would tell both of them that you put that blocking software onto their devices for their protection, to stop the yucky images and for accidental exposure. Tell them you love them and if they have any issues, that they can come to you.


This is how my dad approached me. Unfortunately, I was more secretive, there wasn't a lot either of us could do. I had blocking software and it helped heaps. I guess I didn't come to my dad because of shame, so I would bring the issue up every now and then. And seperately so they can confide in you.





I'm only 14, so I hope my advice is at least mildly decent haha. What I described above is what I think is the best way to approach them. I hope it works out and I salute you as an amazing father. Keep it up

 

[Stretchcomic]

How's it going, Jimmy James! What I would recommend is being up front with your kids. It'll certainly be an awkward conversation with them (I would talk with each one separately), it is something that should probably happen. The reality is that high-speed internet P is rapidly becoming an epidemic in our modern-day sexual experience as young adults, and needs to be treated as such head on to nip this problem at its source. I'm 19 and am struggling with PIED, I absolutely wish my parents would've been as educated as yourself on this topic and would've explained it to me. It'd be an uncomfortable hour or so, but it might've spared me from the embarrassment I've experienced with girls as a result.

You don't have to use your own story, it might throw them off to see a parent in that light, but assure them that you know what you're talking about by bringing up some of the teen stories you've heard, I fully invite you to use mine. Hope this helps!

-SC