Question About Relapse

[easyrider]

Dear members, I am 57, single and on day 83 of no porn . have been an addict at least as long as internet has been with us and a regular video junkie during the 80's. I stopped cold turkey on Dec  9 About a week in I saw an old friend  and became involved with her right away. I told her everything and she has been terrific and patient.

Last week during foreplay she began to stimulate me. With only a partial erection I could not help but orgasm. She is wonderful and lovely. I now find myself thinking about our intimate moments constantly. On Saturday that led me to mo alone. These are the only times I have mo'd since rebooting.

Yesterday and today I feel like I am back in week one. Not sleeping well, trouble concentrating and just out of sorts. I am wondering if my intimate contact with my gf is unhealty or causing me to back step. I only think about her and have no desire to go back to porn. But I think about her in very sexual ways and have told her about it. She says thats a good thing. Why am I struggling with it?

Any advice is appreciated. This jouney is a struggle. I thought I was well on my way and then boom!

 

[ready2go]

Your rewiring first human experience sounds a lot like mine was.  I barely got going and then kerplowie!  I have read other stuff around these sites that says PE the first time or two seems to be typical, so I didn't worry about it.  Your gf sounds very accomodative and understanding.  Personally, if it were me, I'd follow her lead on this.

As to how you are feeling, I am having a different experience, so can't address it as credibly, but, it does sound like what I've heard as chaser-effect.  But in my opinion you have not relapsed at all.  You're moving forward with a human person who cares about you.  Awesome!  There is nothing in any of these sites or in this movement that I'm aware of that is about committing to abstinence.  It is about no PMO and about rewiring to bring human beings in as our sexual stimulants and recipients. 

This site only asks that we commit to no PMO, and you are fully meeting that requirement and goal.  As to MO, many guys are taking that as part of their pledge too.  I did for 40 days and then haven't mo'd on my own, but a partner did it for me and it was great.  I can't wait to do it some more!

Go back over to YBR and YBOP and read about chaser effects and how to manage those.  Some of the guys here reported having them too, so they can be of more help. 

But dude, you have made great progress and are definitely winning here.  Don't feel badly at all - maybe you can reframe your thoughts. 

Keep going!  With love for you,
R2G

 

[Phase2]

I agree with R2G completely (as per usual). This isn't a setback at all, it's simply part of the process of moving forward. The fact that your brain is thinking of a real live human is great. That is certainly helping you rewire--which is exactly what you want happening. I think a lot of us feel some sort of consequence when we start to O again. Some have the chaser and others go back into flatline. I had a week or so of flatline after both my O's. It sort of felt like a step back, but I think we just have to remember this is a nonlinear process and keep going. Think of it as teaching your brain to O again. Its been a long time since you had an orgasm with regular human contact without porn interfering in your thought process, so it's just going to take some adjusting and that's what you are doing. Keep going, man. You are doing great.

 

[easyrider]

Thanks for the encouragement and sharing your own experience. I am excited about the possibilities but really dont want to prolong recovery ... but if this is truly part of rebooting with a genuine, loving ,woman I am all in.