19 y/o, new to the game

[Maritime18]

Hello all!

After learning more on yourbrainonporn.com I decided to quit PMO completely in mid January. I'm doing alright, I am flatlining but I have no desire to watch porn or masturbate anymore so I guess that is good. I'll get morning wood once in a while and sometimes my dreams will be sexual in nature.

PIED helped end three relationships for me, the most recent of them this past Friday. Every time, I was very happy and in love but I just couldn't please the girl. Whenever I talk to a girl now, I feel like I'll be expected to have sex with her soon, which I know that I can't do, so I just wait for everything to fall apart. It really sucks.

Before I stopped, I could be engaging in sexual relations with a girl and feel absolutely no arousal. You can please a girl for a little while but eventually she either wants to please you too or wants you to use your penis; so now I'm actually scared to engage in sex with a girl because I know I'll fail. I'll just be waiting for that moment when she realizes what's going on and I look like an idiot. To be honest I'm really scared that I'll never be able to hold down a relationship or please a woman again. I feel that I shouldn't even bother talking to girls because I know I can't do what I'll eventually be expected to do.

Well anyway, I guess I'm about 6 weeks into my reboot now and I can't say I'm feeling great right now, but I am motivated and never looking back. Now I know how terrible porn is for my brain and I plan to never go back to that. I think I may have a long road ahead of me, I PMO'd using online porn for probably almost (if not more than) 5 years and always used the prone masturbation technique which I have read worsens PIED symptoms. Morning wood comes back once in a while and I'm not having wet dreams but I do have random semen discharges during the day occasionally, not sure if that is good or bad. I am definitely flatlining hard right now, but failure is not an option here and I am ready to pull through it. I'm just not sure what else I'm supposed to be doing besides quitting masturbation, but I'll keep going with no PMO until I hear differently!

Any support or info will be insanely appreciated, I'm very intimidated by all this and I can use all the advice that you can give. Thank you so much for just reading this, I would love to hear from anyone, I have a few questions as well.

 

[MeepMan]

I know exactly how you feel. My background which lead me to this forum is almost identical to yours. Ever since the first time I tried to have sex I've been terrified of trying again. Ever since I've quit porn and masturbating (started rebooting in late May last year) I've only made progress. I've just started seeing a girl and even though we've only made out I could feel my penis responding. There's hope for us all here, we just have to find the will power to stay away from porn.

 

[Maritime18]

I know exactly how you feel. My background which lead me to this forum is almost identical to yours. Ever since the first time I tried to have sex I've been terrified of trying again. Ever since I've quit porn and masturbating (started rebooting in late May last year) I've only made progress. I've just started seeing a girl and even though we've only made out I could feel my penis responding. There's hope for us all here, we just have to find the will power to stay away from porn.

So awesome to hear that you're making progress!! This forum really has showed me that there really is hope for all of us.

I am in the same boat as you, last time I tried it ended in a bit of a traumatic experience when she didn't exactly react positively to my problem. Now I'm scared to even talk to girls. I say to myself, "Why should I waste their time if I can't even do what's expected of me?". It feels like every possible relationship is bound to end, because sex is very important in a relationship, but it's something that most of us here just can't do right now. Anyway stay strong, the end is only getting closer from here!

 

[MeepMan]

Trust me, give it a while and you'll be making progress too. It's quite gradual so you do have to stick to it for a while. I'd have to say physical exercise works wonders. Any kind of sport or going to the gym will not only make you feel better but while lower your craving to masturbate and you'll look better for it which helps when you need a little more confidence with girls.

I think the problem that a lot of guys on here including myself, (before I started) find is that we place too much importance on sex in a relationship. If you can find a girl who truly appreciates your company then she's not going to see it as that much of a big deal. She should support you and try to help you the best she can. Also, try not to think about your penis too much. You can show her a good time without it and that will take the pressure off.

 

[Maritime18]

I definitely agree, started working out more and I'm feeling great. I haven't had any bad cravings.

You're definitely right, I just assume that it's expected of me if I start to talk to a girl that seems interested in me but I know that's not always the case.

Thanks again!

 

[Maritime18]

Day 58 update-

Pretty sure I'm still in a flatline, but there are definitely good days and bad days. For the past couple days I've been so upset about a breakup that happened a couple weeks ago that I could barely force myself to do much more than lay around and sulk, but today I feel pretty good and confident. Not sure if that is related, but I have a pretty good feeling it's part of the in and out trend that flatlines seem to have.

In the first month of rebooting, I would occasionally discharge semen while going to the bathroom, but I noticed that doesn't seem to happen anymore. Also, I had a wet dream last week but nothing since. Does anyone have any advice on this? Are the discharges and their disappearance good/bad? Wet dreams a sign of improvement?

Lately I've noticed how hard it is to not see sexually charged depictions of women everywhere. Maybe it's just because I'm in college, but it's not uncommon for one of my friends to bring up a picture of a nude girl on his phone, saying "Dude, check this out!!" or something like that. I've also been flirting with a girl via Snapchat which usually excites me and gives me a feeling of libido. I hope neither of these will be detrimental to my recovery.

Otherwise, I'm still trying to just learn as much as possible about my PIED. I'm hoping that I can recover by summer time at the latest, but given my long history of PMO and prone position masturbation, we'll see. I have noticed that lately it's been easier for me to focus on school though, and I have generally been more calm as a person.

I'd love to hear any kind of advice or experiences that others have had! Feel free to share on this thread!