Hi friends! I hope this is the right forum for this. *Warning* I?m really hoping you can offer some advice but I will need to go into some sexual details to properly explain the situation, Also, this post is extremely long. SORRY!
Reboot newbie, 4 days. Background info on my particular situation:
I?m 28 yo and I live in South Korea as an English teacher. I live in a very small town and I have been here for 2 years. Since I moved here I haven't had any girlfriends and only had sex with a girl in Vietnam while on holiday about a year ago.
My Korean is at a basic conversational level and I met a girl at my friend?s wedding about 3 months ago. I got her number and we've been chatting (in Korean) ever since. It wasn't until about a month ago that we started making the long journeys to see each other on the weekends.
I've had a pretty solid masturbation routine (once a day, with some binges here and there) for as long as I can remember, especially while I've been in Korea. Although I knew it had a big effect on my libido, I always figured it was probably healthier to masturbate especially since I wasn't able to find any sexual partners in my small town.
The realization came this weekend when my new girlfriend came to my apartment to spend the weekend with me. I hadn?t jerked off for a couple days before because I wanted my sex drive to be at its peak. She?s 30 yo and apparently also a virgin. It's actually quite common for Korean girls to still be virgins at her age. It's a different culture, entirely. People live with their parents until they are married. That's not just a family rule for many families, it's the cultural norm. Needless to say, even though she seems to be in love with me and trusts me very much, she was very shy. After dinner the first night, we started fooling around, mostly making out and grinding a bit with clothes on under the covers. I remember being hard for this because I remember my underwear being a bit wet from leakage. But after a long time of back and forth getting her to allow me to take off certain articles of clothing, we both became wiped out and fell asleep. I remember feeling sore in the nether regions as though I had been holding back a lot of pressure, and perhaps also due to her grinding on my junk for a good part of the evening.
The next morning we started fooling around more for a few hours, then had lunch, then fooled around some more. At this point she seemed to be ready for sex, in one form or another. But my dick was absolutely TINY. My past girlfriends had always been quite impressed with my size, and I really wanted to show this girl what I had to offer. Turned out all I could offer was the smallest excuse for a dick I had ever seen. I didn?t even recognize it. Both of us were disappointed and we tried as many things as possible to get it up, while trying not to make her feel too uncomfortable (being new to this, she didn't know how to jerk me off, and certainly wasn't going to try oral). I kind of tried to show her how, and even jerked myself a bit, which I know realize was a mistake.
I thought it was because I had been "blue-balled" the night before, and just needed to release some pressure. I went to the bathroom a jerked a bit (but did not get hard) and semen just kind of spilled out (gross, I know). I went back to bed with her and figured after 10 minutes it should be all good. Nope. More disappointment.
We left it at that. She still really likes me. Maybe even more so. But I feel really embarrassed about it, and I told her that I want to show her my true potential later.
After I dropped her back off at the train station and got home, I immediately jerked off because my balls were so sore. Probably the biggest load I?ve ever dropped and my nuts felt a lot better after. I thought, ?Well, now I ought to be back to my normal self the next time she comes over.? But then I started thinking; ?even though it took a little longer than usual to get hard than it usually does when I masturbate to porn, why was it so easy for me to get hard and blow a load on my own yet I couldn?t even get more than a baby-dick for someone that I find to be the sexiest woman I?ve ever been in bed with? Could it be? Do I have porn-induced ED??
So I started doing research which led me to yourbrainonporn. After reading up, it seems I certainly fit the criteria of a porn addict, and I am likely suffering from porn-induced ED. I even started remembering my last long relationship in Canada. It finally made sense to me why I wasn?t interested in having sex with my last girlfriend. I always thought it was because she had been a bit chubby or that I had just lost interest or that I was stressed at work. Now it seems clear that I was most likely just addicted to PMO. So, time to reboot.
I need to know what will be my best method for success so that I can be the best lover for this girl that I truly care about.
MAIN QUESTIONS:
Obviously I will stop looking at porn and I will stop masturbating, hopefully forever. It?s a step I have always wanted to take but could never fully justify before. Now that I know I have a real problem I think it will be a lot easier for me to give it up. I can probably give up orgasms as well since my girlfriend is a virgin and I?m sure she?ll be ok with taking it slow, for a while. I also like the idea of Karezza.
But I am scared to death about flatlining. I only get to see my girlfriend once a week and I hate to think that I will have wasted that time having no libido. However, I realize it is a normal part of the process.
So I guess I will need to tell her about the reboot process and my problem eventually. The problem is, this culture is very different for western culture. In fact, internet porn is illegal and the government blocks porn sites. People need to use a VPN to access sites. There is a huge prostitution industry here. I think masturbation to internet porn might be a problem here as well, but it certainly isn?t talked about or known about to the same extent. Also, she?s a virgin. It took me 4 hours just to get her to take off her bra. I?m worried that if I start talking about these things (things that would even freak out a girl of the same culture) it could scare her off, or at the very least taint our intimacy. Because I can tell she really likes me, I feel that she could be supportive and understanding, but I?m not sure if it will also irreversibly gross her out even if she doesn?t show it.
So what, if anything should I tell her? I mean, since we only see each other every week, and only some of those weeks will be opportunities to have private intimate time, should I even tell her anything? Should I only tell her if/when I am flatlining when we are together? If I?m not flatlining and she wants to have sex, should I tell her I want to take it easy? Should I penetrate but not orgasm? I understand that full disclosure is usually the best policy, but in my situation I?m wondering if perhaps it may not be necessary, or at least only partially. Especially since I?m not too sure how to talk about it in Korean?.not really something discussed in my language classes, obviously.
I?m still very early into my reboot but I feel very optimistic. I haven?t had any urges to use porn yet really. I was feeling a bit numb to most things sexual, but now my dick is starting to regain its spontaneity. I?m not sure if it?s good or bad. Even while I was writing this I noticed junior was coming alive a little.
Is it bad to think about being intimate with my girlfriend when she?s not around in a way that turns me on? Will it put me back if I have sexy chats with me girlfriend? Does that count as fantasy? Is it ok to fantasize (without jerking it) about my own girlfriend?
Can you offer any tips for how I should go about my reboot that will give me success while not completely abandoning intimacy with my girlfriend?
Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for any help you can offer!
Reboot newbie, 4 days. Background info on my particular situation:
I?m 28 yo and I live in South Korea as an English teacher. I live in a very small town and I have been here for 2 years. Since I moved here I haven't had any girlfriends and only had sex with a girl in Vietnam while on holiday about a year ago.
My Korean is at a basic conversational level and I met a girl at my friend?s wedding about 3 months ago. I got her number and we've been chatting (in Korean) ever since. It wasn't until about a month ago that we started making the long journeys to see each other on the weekends.
I've had a pretty solid masturbation routine (once a day, with some binges here and there) for as long as I can remember, especially while I've been in Korea. Although I knew it had a big effect on my libido, I always figured it was probably healthier to masturbate especially since I wasn't able to find any sexual partners in my small town.
The realization came this weekend when my new girlfriend came to my apartment to spend the weekend with me. I hadn?t jerked off for a couple days before because I wanted my sex drive to be at its peak. She?s 30 yo and apparently also a virgin. It's actually quite common for Korean girls to still be virgins at her age. It's a different culture, entirely. People live with their parents until they are married. That's not just a family rule for many families, it's the cultural norm. Needless to say, even though she seems to be in love with me and trusts me very much, she was very shy. After dinner the first night, we started fooling around, mostly making out and grinding a bit with clothes on under the covers. I remember being hard for this because I remember my underwear being a bit wet from leakage. But after a long time of back and forth getting her to allow me to take off certain articles of clothing, we both became wiped out and fell asleep. I remember feeling sore in the nether regions as though I had been holding back a lot of pressure, and perhaps also due to her grinding on my junk for a good part of the evening.
The next morning we started fooling around more for a few hours, then had lunch, then fooled around some more. At this point she seemed to be ready for sex, in one form or another. But my dick was absolutely TINY. My past girlfriends had always been quite impressed with my size, and I really wanted to show this girl what I had to offer. Turned out all I could offer was the smallest excuse for a dick I had ever seen. I didn?t even recognize it. Both of us were disappointed and we tried as many things as possible to get it up, while trying not to make her feel too uncomfortable (being new to this, she didn't know how to jerk me off, and certainly wasn't going to try oral). I kind of tried to show her how, and even jerked myself a bit, which I know realize was a mistake.
I thought it was because I had been "blue-balled" the night before, and just needed to release some pressure. I went to the bathroom a jerked a bit (but did not get hard) and semen just kind of spilled out (gross, I know). I went back to bed with her and figured after 10 minutes it should be all good. Nope. More disappointment.
We left it at that. She still really likes me. Maybe even more so. But I feel really embarrassed about it, and I told her that I want to show her my true potential later.
After I dropped her back off at the train station and got home, I immediately jerked off because my balls were so sore. Probably the biggest load I?ve ever dropped and my nuts felt a lot better after. I thought, ?Well, now I ought to be back to my normal self the next time she comes over.? But then I started thinking; ?even though it took a little longer than usual to get hard than it usually does when I masturbate to porn, why was it so easy for me to get hard and blow a load on my own yet I couldn?t even get more than a baby-dick for someone that I find to be the sexiest woman I?ve ever been in bed with? Could it be? Do I have porn-induced ED??
So I started doing research which led me to yourbrainonporn. After reading up, it seems I certainly fit the criteria of a porn addict, and I am likely suffering from porn-induced ED. I even started remembering my last long relationship in Canada. It finally made sense to me why I wasn?t interested in having sex with my last girlfriend. I always thought it was because she had been a bit chubby or that I had just lost interest or that I was stressed at work. Now it seems clear that I was most likely just addicted to PMO. So, time to reboot.
I need to know what will be my best method for success so that I can be the best lover for this girl that I truly care about.
MAIN QUESTIONS:
Obviously I will stop looking at porn and I will stop masturbating, hopefully forever. It?s a step I have always wanted to take but could never fully justify before. Now that I know I have a real problem I think it will be a lot easier for me to give it up. I can probably give up orgasms as well since my girlfriend is a virgin and I?m sure she?ll be ok with taking it slow, for a while. I also like the idea of Karezza.
But I am scared to death about flatlining. I only get to see my girlfriend once a week and I hate to think that I will have wasted that time having no libido. However, I realize it is a normal part of the process.
So I guess I will need to tell her about the reboot process and my problem eventually. The problem is, this culture is very different for western culture. In fact, internet porn is illegal and the government blocks porn sites. People need to use a VPN to access sites. There is a huge prostitution industry here. I think masturbation to internet porn might be a problem here as well, but it certainly isn?t talked about or known about to the same extent. Also, she?s a virgin. It took me 4 hours just to get her to take off her bra. I?m worried that if I start talking about these things (things that would even freak out a girl of the same culture) it could scare her off, or at the very least taint our intimacy. Because I can tell she really likes me, I feel that she could be supportive and understanding, but I?m not sure if it will also irreversibly gross her out even if she doesn?t show it.
So what, if anything should I tell her? I mean, since we only see each other every week, and only some of those weeks will be opportunities to have private intimate time, should I even tell her anything? Should I only tell her if/when I am flatlining when we are together? If I?m not flatlining and she wants to have sex, should I tell her I want to take it easy? Should I penetrate but not orgasm? I understand that full disclosure is usually the best policy, but in my situation I?m wondering if perhaps it may not be necessary, or at least only partially. Especially since I?m not too sure how to talk about it in Korean?.not really something discussed in my language classes, obviously.
I?m still very early into my reboot but I feel very optimistic. I haven?t had any urges to use porn yet really. I was feeling a bit numb to most things sexual, but now my dick is starting to regain its spontaneity. I?m not sure if it?s good or bad. Even while I was writing this I noticed junior was coming alive a little.
Is it bad to think about being intimate with my girlfriend when she?s not around in a way that turns me on? Will it put me back if I have sexy chats with me girlfriend? Does that count as fantasy? Is it ok to fantasize (without jerking it) about my own girlfriend?
Can you offer any tips for how I should go about my reboot that will give me success while not completely abandoning intimacy with my girlfriend?
Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for any help you can offer!
