I need to stop. I really need help

[RockyBalboa]

Hello everybody. Firstly, sorry for my english, couse I don't speak really well.

My problem is I just realized a couple years ago I watch to much porn. I'm 31 and I remember when I was around 24, I had my 'porn days'...I starting watching more and more porn.

Sudenly I realized normal porn was not enough...So I started to get excited watching shemale porn...
Then shemale was not enough...I remember in that period I started to remember my first experiencies in sex. I was 10yo and my sister who was 2 years older introduces me in sex with touching and etc...After that with 15 we had normak sex many times...But that was almost forgot to me, is not something I feel proud about it..

.But sudenly I started watching incest hentai anime porn (not real incest...of course)...I remember the only way to get excited was reading one of that comic...This was almost for 2 years

At the age of 28 years old I fell down in a huge depresion...And when I used to watch porn was every time more hard porn and more weird. Animals, flaher, dogging, cuckold...

I started to visit sex chats with cams where I show my cock and had ciber sex with women. Most of the time there were not women but I was really excited and needed to excite the people so I didnt care if male watched at me...After thst I started allowing some of that men telling me stories about how would they suck me or stuff like that...Then, some months later I started to be curious about the excitation I induced on them...So I really liked set my cam and watch how every men watched my cock (Is really big and all gay men liked it) they cum easy while I jerked off...

After that I knew some men online were dominant, and they started to try to induces me to think I was sucking them....

Then I started to get really really excited when I watched a men on cam with a really big cock, telling me I was a faggot and I was wishing to suck him and sahllow the cum and things like that...

Now the only porn I watch is pictures of men with huges cocks or videos pf gloryholes with black cock cuming...I can be watching porn by hpurs and no erection...But If I see a big cock I only think in the cock cuming in my mouth...Actually...just writting this and imagine the humiliation I had an erection...is so embaressing.... When my excitation finish, I feel really really bad because I'm not gay. I never felt before I iked or get excited with men...Never...I actually dont like man, only the idea of a huge cock humiliating me...But is just like a fantasy I have in front of the computer. If I see a real man I feel nothing...But this feeling while I watch porn cofuses me a lot and makes me feel so bad...

I even cum in my mouth...And I feel freaking bad after that...Becouse I feel like Im sick

This is about the porn? Has anybody experimented something like this...Having fantasies with something you would never do in the real life but excites you a lpt in the comouter?

I want to leave watching porn...I tried in the new year but I watched porn 3 times...and I feel bad because I watch cocks cuming, and I watched porn..so i feel double bad...

What should I do?

Thank hou very much

 

[dugger2015]

RockyBalboa,
Everyone's experiences with porn are personal, and it is common for people to get bored of traditional porn and move onto genres that don't really mirror their interests in life, or their sexual preferences. You are in the right place. I think that putting all this information out here was a very brave first step. The next step is to know that you can reboot. Have you begun a reboot yet?
I recommend you watch some videos on nofap, read articles, download a porn blocker and start your reboot if you haven't already. Start a journal and write in it daily. I honestly was extremely overwhelmed when I joined this site, not to mention ashamed, and it took a couple days to decide to stop watching porn, stop masturbating and reboot. I'm now 53 days in and I can honestly say it's a life altering experience. If you have any other questions or concerns, respond here or send me a message. You're not alone, you can change, you have the support of this community and excellent resources at yourbrainonporn.com.

 

[RockyBalboa]

Thank you very much. I want to reboot

I know is a long post but if someone more can help me I will be really thank...Do someone feel the same?

 

[challenged]

RB, your fantasies are quite common.  When I was in the midst of my porn habit, I used to like to visit sex forums and read various discussions about sexual topics.  One of the most common types of posts was from men who considered themselves straight and were not attracted to men in general, but who had become fascinated by penises, and with the idea of performing OS on a another man, or being dominated by another man in this way, etc.  So your fantasy/thought life is not at all unusual or bizarre.

I also think it is quite clear that this is a result of constant use of porn.  I'm not exactly sure how the process works in our brain that causes these types of desires for straight men, but it seems quite clear that this is a result of watching porn over and over.

You can recover from this.  Read the articles on yourbrainonporn.com, and particularly the section on "Rebooting Basics," and the stories of rebooting here, and commit yourself to staying away from porn.  Your brain after a time will return to those thoughts that would typically be associated with your normal sexuality.

Again, it is common to feel a sense of shame at where your thought life has gone, but rest assured that your experience is not unique and you are not a freak.  You are just experiencing what many others have experienced due to our brains being bombarded with so much with pornography for so long.