A Whole New World

[Faith]

Hi there!  About 10 days ago my world as I knew it got turned a little sideways.  My hubby told me that he was a addicted to porn and had been for about the last 17 years.  I was glad that he told me and trusted me and our marriage to confide in me.  We started out our relationship as friends over 20 years ago.  Our sex life has been going down hill over the last few years, but not through lack of trying. We were trying everything and he would try to get me to try things that I wasn't interested in doing. But, he couldn't get a full erection and if he did it wouldn't last.  After almost 18 years of marriage later I am not sure how to think about things as I look back.  I am hoping that some of you might be able to give me some insight as to my feelings and why I am feeling the way I do. 
I have been very honest with him and my though process, maybe overly honest.  But, there are some things that I am feeling that I am not sure about.  For about the first week, I didn't want him to touch me or even see me naked.  I pulled away from his touch and in general just wasn't sure how to feel about being intimate with him.  Completely unknown to me, how could I have not known, for the majority of our marriage, porn has been there.  In our marriage, our bedroom, and our lives.  I feel betrayed and lied to and he knows that. He knows the trust has been broken.
He is a wonderful man that I love so much and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.  Please, tell me that it will get a little easier. 

 

[Gracie]

If you read through the women's posts, you will find that what you are feeling is normal.  I went through this is as well.  Being married a lllooonnngg time and boom there it is.  If you read my post here on Steamrolled's journal about how it feels. You may find some similar feelings.  So please know you are not alone!  I always recommend a husband and wife read Mark Chamberlain's Love You Hate the Porn blog.  It has tabs across the top and then various blogs archived.  Very helpful!  He also has a book by the same name that was instrumental in us working very hard. 

We are almost three years out from my discovery of him.  You can read my journal Surprise in the women's section.  Boy was it ever a surprise.  I became very depressed and even considered suicide.  I was so hurt.  But here we are today still married and close to each other.  In fact during porn our queen bed wasn't big enough.  Now we could sleep on a twin bed and still have room left over.  But we went through a lot of talking, a lot of soul searching, a lot of reading, and a lot of loud emotional moments the included from time to time, "How could you do this to me?" 

First thing I want to warn about is do not read all the men's journals.  Some of them have really had some odd moments.  For example, my husband watched cable tv sex, Cinemas, Hbo, showtime.  There was no internet.  but we had 3 hbos, 3 or 4 cinemax one showtime, also had starz so lots of nude sex.  he would stay up after I went to bed.  So try to compare apples to apples.  The men are great if you have a question. 

If you want to know particulars about how I started working on this, ask.  I will answer.  But most of all, hang in there!  You are normal in your feelings and if can be worked through but you cannot do it alone.

 

[MasterPablo]

I've found some success stories and many helpful topics here: https://get90days.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/how-to-heal-the-porn-addiction/
It can be very useful to everyone. Some day we will be free of that shit