No libido/impotence in the last 5 yrs - 34 years old - Porn destroyed my life

[believe]

Hi everyone,

I'm fucked up - I'm 34 and porn is ruining my life in a bad way. No motivation, no clear mind, no energy to start my life again.
I have been trying rebooting over pretty long amount of time, going though a long phase of flatline. I have done 3/4 months without porn or masturbation, but not feeling anything. The frustration for my condition and the feeling of being a bad person is leading me also to give up my social life, also because I'm pretty good looking and I'm scared to be approached by girls and then ignore them because of my condition of being total impotent and being totally in a NO libido state.

This is again my DAY 1: I did PMO twice today because I was feeling depressed, I reactivated all my block sites and hope and believe I can go through this and heal once for all. I have been struggling with erections and libido in the last 4/5 years.
Sometimes I have been able to reboot, but then as I feel horny again and something frustrates me, I go back to porn to release tension and anxiety, and that brings me back again where I was and I need to spend other 3/4/5 months before feeling something again.

I have tried any type of things: being motivated, going to the gym, improve my diet, getting supplements and pills, doing acupuncture to boost my libido - it's just a huge waste of money and time.

Now here I am, trying to take my life back again and may be able to have a normal fulfilling relationship with a normal girl, which doesn't happen since I was 26.

Please help, any recommendation would help - please support me during this journey - I will try to journal as much as I can

 

[harpoon]

Hi Believe.

"No motivation, no clear mind, no energy..." yep, porn addiction and i've had all those symptoms in abundance.

Recently my depression vanished, energy went through the roof and my mind felt alert and clear. The answer is simple REBOOT you will heal, but you'll have to work hard at it, and be patient. It may take longer than 90 days.

 

[Greek99]

Well, if it makes you feel better... I just broke a 23 day streak today.  Last year I went about 4 months or so, then broke down.  Then it was a few weeks between, until I got sick, had surgery and after a couple months, I said fuck it and went all in again for about 2 months fapping 5 times a day to porn.

The mistake I made this time is I wanted that feeling.  The last few days I had been fantasizing a bit about my x-girlfriend and a new girl I am talking too, getting mild hard ons in the process.  I wasn't jerking off or anything. 

Today, I just couldn't control myself, I didn't even try to stop. 

Anyways, we have to do better man.  I am 38, going on 39.  Fix this shit, you are only 34 years old and no, your life is NOT destroyed.  You have plenty of time to fix it, you just have to really want it and keep trying, harder and harder.  On the bright side, our world is what it is.  People are getting married by the boat loads in their 40's these days, that doesn't mean anything anymore (if that is your goal).

Look at Gabe, he took about 15-18 months to get back to normal.  He was only mid-20's, so you may be the same or need a few more months, but the main thing is, you CAN get back to normal because you are getting a hard on during Porn. 

The rest will take care of itself.

KEEP TRYING. 

 

[benhj]

I totally relate to your symptoms believe. Read like a tick list. I guess the only thing we can do is take it one day at a time. Anyone can stay abstinent for a single day, right? This is what I tell myself. If I do that, I don't have to worry about tomorrow. I just have to stay abstinent today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Welcome to the forums You're not alone!

 

[mrcicero]

Hi everyone,
I have done 3/4 months without porn or masturbation, but not feeling anything.

Hi believe,
It's pretty amazing you were able to go 3-4 months without PMO at all. That sounds like a hard 90, plus more. I'm curious to hear why you decided to fall back on the habit... will you tell us?  Was it the flatline, or was it some other event that set you back?

A lot of the guys on here say that the flatline may go longer than 90 days, though I'm hoping not!

Another thing I'd like to suggest, if I may. It sounds like you have some pretty hard words about yourself -- you might want to ease up on yourself. You might have issues with depression or self-esteem or some other thing going on beyond just the porn. You might find a lot of value in talking to a therapist about the feelings you have. It's not good to be scornful of yourself (though your honesty about it is really valuable). Talking to a therapist about your porn issue and about the experience you had with the last Hard 90 would be a good way to start, but also describe your last experience with the flatline and the feelings of inadequacy. (S)he will be able to help you navigate those feelings, almost like a personal coach, while you work thru the Hard 90. 

It sounds like you can totally get off the porn, but maybe you just need a little tweak that a therapist will be able to provide. In this day and age, going to a therapist is nothing out of the ordinary, so definitely do consider it.

Hope that helps,
Cicero

 

[nomox3]

Seeing all the info about rebooting, watching the vids, doing the reading, and seeing the reported results was enough to give me hope. I think that really that is all ur comes down to. You gotta have hope for the future or you will keep failing. List your goals, not just in reboot, or even sex, but in life. I'd you know what you want tho gain, Wenger you want to be, and you really have a solid hope of achieving that, the motivation will come.

You have listed the things you are now, or what got fell you are now. So you need to list the things you will be when you are free of this crap! If you don't believe that it will change anything, then how do you expect to be motivated?

I can tell you that the 70 something days I went with out  PMO changed a whole lot about how I felt. I still MOed, and that eventually brought about my failure. Also don't think I experienced the full effect of the reboot because of it. So now, as hard as I know it's going to be, I'm going all the way this time.

You don't have to hate yourself. But you do have to change this to stop hating yourself. Don't feel out about the flat line. You have been abusing your brain and body for a very long time, so it's going to take awhile to heal. Just acknowledge it is going to happen, and move on with your day.

I will be praying for you.

 

[believe]

Thanks guys for your replies.

7 Days later I started again this journey, I learned that the main triggers are feeling sad and bored, so even without porn I want to feel that nice feeling in my brain that stimulates a little bit more my condition, and so I start masturbating. That is the EVIL Side. I know sometimes it feels like it's not worth it, but I guess everything has to be focused on the best version of ourselves that we will experience once we will feel better and rebooted again. So now we just have to embrace this journey, try to be motivated ( I am using also bach's flowers and it helps) and keep going without feeling hopeless.

Just do your countdown, just make a plan of having a healthier life, a better diet, read more, let's start doing all those activities that will eventually keep our brain positive and motivated and away from the dopamine squirts and feeling, because it's all about it.

Last night I MO without P, but this morning I felt a dead dick anyways - so after 7 days I won't reset my counter but for sure I will start to go hardmode without touching myself anymore.

Whenever you start touching yourself and M, stop it right away. I'm even thinking to use a cock cage when I'm home alone, so even if my triggers come, even if I feel sad and bored and I need that squirt, I will just not be able to touch my penis and trigger my brain again.

Do the hard mode, do whatever it takes to get better because here I read so many successful stories so our body is just that way, we will heal too - we just have to be strong enough to fight our addiction and go through hell for a limited period to get back to a normal life.

I know it will happen, and even if it will be 200 days, what is that in comparison to 30+ years we already spent? Once you are on track you can change your life and make it successful again in a matter of nothing.

I BELIEVE we can do it, so let's just plan to do it NOW

 

[believe]

22 days since my last PMO.

I understand the triggers are boredom, anxiety, any type of frustration and problems that affect me.

I'm journaling everyday, I totally changed my point of view: everyday I wake up and I know I'm working to build something, so everyday I need to accomplish something to create something bigger, something valuable, something that will have a long term result and success, avoiding my weaknesses.

Everyday I tell myself I need to be vigilant, I need to know that I can fall again, but I will be conscious of that moment, so whenever happens, I know I need to bypass it.

What I have been doing, and how I changed my entire approach:

- I have been taking some supplements, that helps my body and brain be more focused and work better, so to avoid weak moments and feeling discouraged: I first did some blood and neurotransmitter test, that revealed some low values. So together with the doctor I decided to start taking L-Thyrosine, ADR, DHEA, Vitamin D, Buffered Vitami C, Vitamin B-100, Zinc, Fish Oil, 5 HTP. + I keep getting Maca.

- In order to have a clearer mind and better manage my mood, I started using Bach's flowers. In my case, Mustard and Wild Rose. I saw huge improvement in my mood and my clear mind. Just be conscious that when you start for the first days your condition will get worse at the beginning, because you are pushing out all your bad mood and thoughts, then will get so much better.

- Started eating so much better. Lots of veggies, chicken, fruit, big breakfast.

- Started working out way more often. Do lots of cardio running or doing spinning, + Yoga, + lifting weights.

- Wear a cock cage when I'm home alone. I know this sounds crazy, but especially when you are in a flatline and you are going through frustration and boredom, first thing you keep doing even if you can't have an erection is keeping masturbating and edging. Even if you think you are not reaching O, you are doing something bad to your brain. So if you can't keep your hands off, just wear something that will keep your hands off. I need to say that this way the sensitivity of my cock is improving, I tended to touch myself and fantasizing during the flatline a lot, just to feel better, but that would slow my reboot and eventually taking me to O. Now I totally avoid it. The cock cage is comfortable to use, you can keep it with your jeans, and I can hang out at home without feeling any discomfort. Of course I feel stupid sometimes and I ask myself how this happened, that I need to wear something like this: but that just helps me realizing that I have a problem that I need to overcome and that keeping my hand off my cock will just speed up the process to feel better and normal again, which will make my life good again.

If you want to check it out, this is the one I use: http://www.amazon.com/MicroMall-Stainless-Chastity-Device-Silver/dp/B00MMYQ7CC/ref=sr_1_4?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1428284038&sr=1-4&keywords=cock+cage

Just ask yourself how much effort you wanna put to heal yourself, and if you can't stop doing something how willing you are to wear something like that.

I only know I want to feel normal and amazing again, and I want that to happen as soon as possible. So as edging and Ming slows down that process, I just use everything that can keep me on track.

- Try some acupuncture, they know how you can improve your libido. Even though I feel like they won't be working on the brain network, it will still improve and give some boost to make you feel better sooner.


22 days today.

On my 6th day I was edging and eventually had an orgasm, without P.  I felt miserable anyways, that's why I started wearing a cock cage. Because If I'm home alone or in my room reading or studying or working, I know that eventually I will start fantasizing and start touching myself.. I don't want that and as I can't stop, I just keep my hand off this way.

I didn't reset my counter anyways, as I'm counting days clean from P. Anyways now my effort is just NOT TO TOUCH myself.

- oh yeah, another thing. I just deleted Instragram and Facebook app (not deleting my account, just not using them), Pinterest and every type of social network that shows me pretty or hot girls. Keep your mind as much clean as you can. Visualize your goal, focus on that and make whatever you need to do to reach that goal.

I'm sure the result is worth it.

I'll keep journaling once in a while here

 

[mouchas]

You are going to recover, I am the same age with you , I have it for 17 years much longer than you do. I have gained it a little bit back ( unsucessfull reboot for 10 months always failing ) but lost it again because of heavy porn usage again. You will realize some times later that you receive sensitiity below. It says I am here

Don't do the mistake I did, go through the tunnel ( flat line ) , keep your eyes shut as said , it will work

 

[believe]

Thanks for the note Mouchas.

I know the flatline is so frustrating. And the frustration many times made me fail again, over and over. I could do a rebooting for 4/5 months, start regaining sensitivity, and then fail again having to cure some frustration or bad feeling with an intense porn session, that would eventually take me back again to a 5/6 months flatline.

I know, it's a very dangerous spot, that's why this time I want to be vigilant every single day, every single hour and every single minute. What I'm learning is just being more conscious about my life, be more present, understand and realize what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, what I'm feeling that majority of the time, so to be aware of what is the direction or the action to take.

Today it's day 23: I was feeling a little frustrated earlier, I was feeling sad and I had a weird sensitivity on my penis, which was suggesting me to touch myself. So I went out for a 20 min walk, I tried to understand why I was feeling that way, I tried to clear my mind and when I got back home I was feeling much better, the bad feeling was gone and I have been able to avoid any kind of M.

I know it will work, so many people on here and on YBOP have cured their status and got back to normal. So here it's just a matter of time, persistency, patience and faith. This time I really want to heal in the right way, in a compete way, so I will be present and vigilant every single moment of this flatline.

It's like training for a marathon, or like building a house. You need to put together one piece at the time, everyday, every hour, just to realize that in the medium/long term there will be a result.

Bad moments will be part of this journey, so just be aware of it and embrace this new adventure, but never ever lose the faith that you'll be successful in the end.

Thanks for dropping a line