self_indulgence
Member
Hello!
It's interesting to come across this site and realize that I'm not alone with PMO addiction. For the past few days, I have been reading other people threads and glad to know some of your experiences resonate to mine. Since a lot of you have exceeded 30 days without PMO, I'm really hopeful that I can be one of them. I have tried many times over the years to quit Porn but the withdrawal experience has become worse each time. There is this constant battle between morality and craving of porn which I have been giving in every time. The longest days without watching porn is maybe 15 days where I was truly busy and away from the computer.
Background:
I am exposed to porn through good friends when I was 13. It's exciting as a group of us gathered in one person's house to watch porn together. The addiction and influence become stronger as most of us hang out together over high school and college. We still met occasionally but I see there is problem in each of us through the effect of porn.
I am married for 7 years now, to a lovely and caring wife who supports and makes me a wiser man. During the first few years of our marriage, everything is great and I rarely use PMO. I guess things have become routine over times and I get bored with the sexual arousal from the same person, I started to surf high speed internet and downloaded a lot of porns in my laptop. The images of hot babes and guys excite my brain cell. I usually get addicted to the same person for a while and then change to another hot body. This has become my habit and it gets difficult to break. In couple of mid-nights of every week, I would stay in front of the computer to search for porn, masturbate and edge for an hour or longer. I like the feeling of edging and the craving of this pleasant sensation. To me the feelings of having sex and masturbate are different. I cannot tell which is better but I like both. Since there is expectation through porn, my sex life with wife has deteriorated. I love my wife but I'm re-wired to look elsewhere. After pmo, I would feel tired, guilty and tell myself to stop doing it. This is not a healthy lifestyle. I feel like it become a karmic cycle and I have to face and accept it now. There is no way out unless I put a stop on watching P.
My Trigger:
I am aware that I always use pmo when my work becomes stressful. I feel like I need a shelter to release my stress and the easier and quicker way is through pmo. Certainly I know that by going to a bar and have a chat with friends, my emotion would get recovered and I don't need pmo. But I have yet to meet a friend that I can openly tell him about my personal sex life and emotion struggle, I care about how other judge me. However my current job requires high-speed internet and I work from home, it becomes so much easy to look for a porn. I have been constantly watching and reminding myself about my goal, but it's quite frustrating to have to spend time and energy on this wasteful habit.
My goal:
I want to get rid of PMO and never want to feel guilty and having unreal imagination of hot scenes. I saw a lot of successful cases in this forum, you guys are my inspirations to make it happened. There are many good things I like about this forum, it lets me have my own journal, occupy my times and vent out my emotion daily with self realization. The most valuable thing on this site is having all of you who are non-judgmental and supportive. So my short term goal is to reach 30 days without pmo and get rid of it eventually. In parallel, I am doing exercise, meditation, reading books related to sex, and openly talking to my wife about sex and explore to new things.
I really like a phrase in this forum, Porn is not an option. "NOT an option" is never set stone in my mind as I always keep things open. But for this, I will write it every time I update my journal.
Porn is not an option!
Best of lucks to all of you!
It's interesting to come across this site and realize that I'm not alone with PMO addiction. For the past few days, I have been reading other people threads and glad to know some of your experiences resonate to mine. Since a lot of you have exceeded 30 days without PMO, I'm really hopeful that I can be one of them. I have tried many times over the years to quit Porn but the withdrawal experience has become worse each time. There is this constant battle between morality and craving of porn which I have been giving in every time. The longest days without watching porn is maybe 15 days where I was truly busy and away from the computer.
Background:
I am exposed to porn through good friends when I was 13. It's exciting as a group of us gathered in one person's house to watch porn together. The addiction and influence become stronger as most of us hang out together over high school and college. We still met occasionally but I see there is problem in each of us through the effect of porn.
I am married for 7 years now, to a lovely and caring wife who supports and makes me a wiser man. During the first few years of our marriage, everything is great and I rarely use PMO. I guess things have become routine over times and I get bored with the sexual arousal from the same person, I started to surf high speed internet and downloaded a lot of porns in my laptop. The images of hot babes and guys excite my brain cell. I usually get addicted to the same person for a while and then change to another hot body. This has become my habit and it gets difficult to break. In couple of mid-nights of every week, I would stay in front of the computer to search for porn, masturbate and edge for an hour or longer. I like the feeling of edging and the craving of this pleasant sensation. To me the feelings of having sex and masturbate are different. I cannot tell which is better but I like both. Since there is expectation through porn, my sex life with wife has deteriorated. I love my wife but I'm re-wired to look elsewhere. After pmo, I would feel tired, guilty and tell myself to stop doing it. This is not a healthy lifestyle. I feel like it become a karmic cycle and I have to face and accept it now. There is no way out unless I put a stop on watching P.
My Trigger:
I am aware that I always use pmo when my work becomes stressful. I feel like I need a shelter to release my stress and the easier and quicker way is through pmo. Certainly I know that by going to a bar and have a chat with friends, my emotion would get recovered and I don't need pmo. But I have yet to meet a friend that I can openly tell him about my personal sex life and emotion struggle, I care about how other judge me. However my current job requires high-speed internet and I work from home, it becomes so much easy to look for a porn. I have been constantly watching and reminding myself about my goal, but it's quite frustrating to have to spend time and energy on this wasteful habit.
My goal:
I want to get rid of PMO and never want to feel guilty and having unreal imagination of hot scenes. I saw a lot of successful cases in this forum, you guys are my inspirations to make it happened. There are many good things I like about this forum, it lets me have my own journal, occupy my times and vent out my emotion daily with self realization. The most valuable thing on this site is having all of you who are non-judgmental and supportive. So my short term goal is to reach 30 days without pmo and get rid of it eventually. In parallel, I am doing exercise, meditation, reading books related to sex, and openly talking to my wife about sex and explore to new things.
I really like a phrase in this forum, Porn is not an option. "NOT an option" is never set stone in my mind as I always keep things open. But for this, I will write it every time I update my journal.
Porn is not an option!
Best of lucks to all of you!
