C
chickaboomski
Guest
This is everything I wish I could say to my partner...
Here is the deal,
My brain tells me I am not to blame, science tells me I am not to blame, My brain tells me this is not my problem but yours, science tells me it is a chemical war in your brain.
I tell you, this does not make it easier.
I feel rejected when I fail to initiate intimacy,
I feel alone when you get up and take your phone to the toilet for half hour each morning,
I feel inadequate when you can't ejaculate with me,
I feel anxious to know you have several hours alone at home without me,
I feel angry when I check your history,
I feel sad that I check your history,
I feel depressed I can not make you happy sexually,
I feel disconnected from you emotionally to still be here by your side and know all of what is going on,
I feel scared to say anything in fear of losing a true soul mate,
I feel sick from the basis of my existence to tackle it,
I feel shame for allowing it to go on, I feel a good man is getting further and further from my reach,
I feel like leftovers when you reach out to touch me,
I feel you will never understand my feelings.
I feel I deserve not to feel this way.
I feel like your sickness has made me sick.
I don't know how to help you,
I don't know what to do,
I don't want to feel this way anymore,
I don't want to hurt anymore,
I do know I am beautiful,
I do know I am caring,
I do know you are a good man,
I do know you love me,
I do know that may not be enough,
Because although I know this, I do not feel this,
I do know that all these racing thoughts, anxiety, depression, negative feelings,
Are literally from your hands not mine.
And I do know, I can take the power back.
Please don't make me.
I love you
Here is the deal,
My brain tells me I am not to blame, science tells me I am not to blame, My brain tells me this is not my problem but yours, science tells me it is a chemical war in your brain.
I tell you, this does not make it easier.
I feel rejected when I fail to initiate intimacy,
I feel alone when you get up and take your phone to the toilet for half hour each morning,
I feel inadequate when you can't ejaculate with me,
I feel anxious to know you have several hours alone at home without me,
I feel angry when I check your history,
I feel sad that I check your history,
I feel depressed I can not make you happy sexually,
I feel disconnected from you emotionally to still be here by your side and know all of what is going on,
I feel scared to say anything in fear of losing a true soul mate,
I feel sick from the basis of my existence to tackle it,
I feel shame for allowing it to go on, I feel a good man is getting further and further from my reach,
I feel like leftovers when you reach out to touch me,
I feel you will never understand my feelings.
I feel I deserve not to feel this way.
I feel like your sickness has made me sick.
I don't know how to help you,
I don't know what to do,
I don't want to feel this way anymore,
I don't want to hurt anymore,
I do know I am beautiful,
I do know I am caring,
I do know you are a good man,
I do know you love me,
I do know that may not be enough,
Because although I know this, I do not feel this,
I do know that all these racing thoughts, anxiety, depression, negative feelings,
Are literally from your hands not mine.
And I do know, I can take the power back.
Please don't make me.
I love you