Benefits from no PMO

[Ontrack Man]

Hey RB community !  I've been wanting to start a thread about the benefits of quitting porn, It's been a month for me and I have felt slight changes in my life, and I think if I start writing the positive changes of progress it will help me stay on track.    Feel free to add your own, I think we can all benefit from each other, I had no idea those pixels could change my lifestyle much.


So for one, I've been more aware of my true sexual desires, and my erections when I have them, not just wanting to act out of impulse or to fill a void.
I've started being interested in non-sexual parts of girls, their hair, the look in their eyes, tone of voice.. that's new.
I've realised how strong I really am and how I can overcome what seems like huge obstacles.
I also found out who I can trust and who's there for me in these difficult times.
I fell more confident about myself, my body, my mind, my capacities... I feel I can do anything.
I want to take care of myself more.
Also, I have more energy, which I have been using to exercise more and be more fit.  This in return has helped me connect with other guys and begin having new healthy friends.
I have been more focused on reading, and learning french, which I practise every day.
I know what anxiety feels like, which helps me deal with it better. Before I had anxiety at lower levels but didn't really see it as such.


That's it for now!  Stay strong.

 

[CrazyGopher]

Congrats Ontrack Man, that sounds fantastic. ;D

 

[Ontrack Man]

Thanks Crazy Golpher.


I want to add something else.  I went on a date today, she knows I'm not willing to get involved with anyone just yet, since I told her that I don't want to use people, I want to feel something is real before I have sex with someone, especially since we will be seeing each other in another context.

And it's amazing how I feel more intense sensations, the brush of there arm for example, her smell... we didn't even kiss but I was connected to what I really wanted to do and it was just that, so I'm really happy with myself.  And SO determined to never PMO again, its poison for me, I am feeling so many thing now.

 

[mosa]

Thanks for posting - that's great to hear!

I'm finishing day 12 - and having withdrawals. I'm happy to hear it gets better. Keep it up - thanks for sharing

 

[Ontrack Man]

Yes mosa,

my first week and a half was sort of easy,  but my second week was a blow.  Although I was not as horny anymore, I started feeling anxiety, wanting to cry, loose focus.... You have to learn to overcome this and have healthy substitutes:

Call someone and go have dinner/a drink
Run
Use a jumprope
Practise a different language,
log on to RN and type like crazy!  Anything, that's what I'm doing now, I'm getting cravings  I think I'm leaving my flatline.

These withdrawals are OPPORTUNITIES for you to learn to handle them and be IN CONTROL of your life.  If you never had them you would not know how to deal with them.

Good luck!

 

[ortegaso]

Hi,

The benefits you've posted are simply astounding. While reading your post I was just wondering, had we all not fallen pray to PMO, then we would have lived these benefits so naturally. It is only after we stop PMO habits we experience them!

Keep up the good work! and keep posting

 

[Feetfirst]

Brilliant on track man. Very positive post. Our potential is limitless.
When we finally stop sapping our mental, physical and spiritual energy, depressing and deluding our mind with an activity that has nothing to offer over above cheap thrills, we shouldn't be surprised to feel amazing,.! I am very happy for you. Listing all the good stuff is a very positive action and as your name implies keeps you ontrack! I am 12 days and signs are rising. I have had many emotional battles along the way but day by day I keep myself on guard and away from the dark stuff. If I make it through this then it will give me great strentgth to make it through other side. Sometimes heavy times can be your greatest strength. A marker in the mind. Keep it up OTM, best FF

 

[Ontrack Man]

Glad to read you, Feetfirst!


I'm starting to go through a second period of dark times myself, gotta keep in mind the rewards.  Tell us about some ways you've benefited from qutting PMO!


OTM

 

[Ontrack Man]

Hi me,

I wanted to read this again because I relapsed yesterday, and today again.  My porn interests have changed, so I see some advancements, but I am not ready for sex with a girl yet.

I have to remember to take this seriously and not think that I have it under control.  Is is true that "once an addict, always an addict?"  I'm not sure I agree, but I am no one to speak about this.

 

[treetop]

very inspiring to read this, I know there will be tough times ahead but doing something positive will fight the good fight, thanks for your inspiration, ontrack man

 

[Feetfirst]

I thought I would put out a few thoughts for the sake of being here and who knows maybe being useful. Well done OTM for getting back up and taking on the fight again. It is tough. Every time we fail and rise again and I believe we do get stronger, but also good to re assess and look at possible stategies to improve our possibility of success.

Posting here is great, but talking to real people is so important too. It certainly is for me. So long as it is just you and a screen you are still in your own head.

As to your question ?s it true that once an addict always an addict', Its a very interesting question and oneI have pondered from time to time. I think we are all addicts really. What varies is the nature of our addiction, food, sex, work, shopping, accumulating etc, etc the list is endless. But it all appears to arise from the same source. A burning desire to escape unpleasant feelings, be that of lonliless, dissatisfaction, sadness or so on. We were just unfortunate to choose an addiction that has such a stigma attached that it demands secrecy making our recovery all the more difficult. The quickest way out of addiction is communicating with others and acknowledging your innability to do it on your own.

So as to are we destined to always to be addicts? I think this depends on our ability to deal with the primary souce, 'the unpleasant feelings arising in the mind' Until we learn a different approach to dealing with UFAin theM we will always be drawn back into addictive patterns even if we move away from porn we find a substitute.  So how do we do that? Well as you can see I am good on theory. As for practice I am very much a work in progress. But maybe this is helpful to someone, so I continue. 

Currently we approach unpleasant feelings with avoidance, suppresion, resistance. This gives rise to discontent which gives rise to craving. Craving gives rise to acting out in the addicts tried and tested method. By this time the mind is in too much agitation to listen to our wiser self saying 'we have tried and tested this method a hundred times before and IT DOES NOT WORK !! Oops too late!!

So where is the problem and how can we change? The problem lies with our approach to unpleasant feelings arising in the mind. We have no control over unpleasant feelings arising. This is life. We do have control over how we respond to them. First. I am not my feelings. Therefore I am not bound to hold on to them as if they are not me or even a part of me. They are merely passing through. If I can establish a position of observer on my feelings and detach my sense of self from them I can observe them arise and equally observe them dissapate. The minimum resistance I bring to them the least suffering I incur. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is the additive we bring to pain as a result of resistance. So in short NO I don't think we are destined to always be addicts but i think this is a lifetime journey none the less. hope that was of some use to some one.

For my part I am 11 days in and making another stab at it. My biggest step has been to attend a meeting a speak to real people. I feel like this has given me tremendous strength. If anyone wants to discuss this please PM me. But as much I would say that it is really worth doing. I feel like my accountability level has risen and my desire and motivation too. Needless to say it has given me plenty of practice on dealing with unpleasant feelings arising in the mind. But there you are! I embrace the opportunity! Love to you all. FF
Best FF

 

[Ontrack Man]

Thanks so much FF for your words,  I'm glad to read you.  Gotta get up every time we fall...

I think that keeping it positive is one of the best ways to achieve success.  Congratulations on attending your meeting!  What kind of meeting was it?  I would like to know how you felt about it and if you would do it again.  Keep strong !

 

[Ontrack Man]

Hi FF and everyone else,

I wanted to sent another message here, I read your last post again  and  I have also found that the root of my addiction and relapses is the UFAM  you talk about (unpleasant feelings arising in the mind).  Everyone has these, they learn to cope with them in different ways, we got addicted to porn.

I discovered that anxiety makes me want to log on to the pages I went through, as you see I've relapsed not too long ago but as you say, the more I get up the better I am at staying up an learning what made me fall in the first place.

I have also been telling people about this, so here's another benefit: I know better who I trust and who I'm not comfortable with.

cheers from Spain!