Tougher than expected

[danger]

Hello there, I am 31 and the last time I tried to have intercourse with my new girlfriend I was not able to gain an erection. This had (has) me quite concerned so I went to the interweb to try and self diagnose my ED and what is causing it. Through an hour or so of reading up on ED and the symptoms and what pill treatments are available I found RN and this is the only explanation for why I wasn't able to perform. Unfortunately I have been watching a lot of P over the last few years. I started looking at porn when I was 14 or 15 and casually viewed it since I discovered what it was. Through certain circumstances I fell into a routine with it and became much more engaged with it. I have been single for the last three years as well and unfortunately because porn was so easy I used this to bond with instead of a real person. Now I have come to the realization that this has caused PIED in my life. I have read quite a few of others stories and how they have fallen into this same path I am on and I can relate to a majority of the problems on here.

So I was going to cure myself and kick the P habit by myself and stayed the course for 7 days thinking it was almost to easy, then I came out of a short flatline and had amazing wood, It was incredible and I thought I was fixed, so I ended up going and MO without P. After that I let my brain trick me into going to a P site and I realized I am not yet cured I just tricked myself into falling right back into the P addiction I am quitting. So to hold myself more accountable I have registered here and decided to start a post to find some support from others who know more about getting through this than myself and to let others who can relate to my history know they are not recovering alone.

 

[ntg2978]

Hey man,

Welcome to the Nation.  Yeah, I think a lot of guys have used P instead of a woman, and it is an entirely different beast altogether, because you'll find your fears for why that was the case will come rushing to the surface when you do a reboot.  A PMO reboot actually is a life reboot, because you are forced to face a lot of stuff you used P and MO to escape from in the past.

Your MW is what you could call a trigger, and you'll discover a lot of them on your path.  Best way to deal with them is to come up with things you can do when a trigger comes calling.  Like for example, you could tell yourself that when you get MW next time, you're going to go take a cold shower, or you're going to go workout.  Should be something physically demanding, so that you have to exert energy, and thus release some of it that is pent-up.

I would say having a partner is a good and bad thing.  If you can, try to abstain from intercourse for a couple of weeks, so that you have those aha moments where stuff you are forced to face comes before you and you can deal with it and get it out of your life for good.

Real, intimate connection is a really good way to speed up the process, because it's pleasurable, and thus rewires your brain for reality, instead of fake stuff.  Look at Gabe Deem's success post on here (in the success thread), he talks about it on there.

Best of luck man, and great first step.

 

[danger]

Thanks for the insight that makes a lot of sense, funny how something so simple as recognizing a trigger can be so hard to detect until somebody comes along and points it out. Ill take your advice for sure on that.

 

[danger]

I have been looking into how to keep a new relationship going while going through a reboot and came across trying karezza. Does anyone know if this is a viable option? I was reading about it and liked the idea of it for a couple of reasons, some of which might be a little selfish. 1) you can perform this act without being completely erect as the goal isn't friction to O but intimacy through calm and subtle penetration, something I could perform as well as not forcing anything that as I understand could slow down or set back the reboot. 2) It sounds like a good answer to when my partner is in the mood. 3) technically it is the act of sex which is a boost to my ego and at this point I don't think could hurt getting myself back on the right track.

If any of this doesn't sound reasonable or if there is a flaw in my thinking on this I would be happy to hear any feedback on this tentative plan, or if this sounds legit some positive reinforcement would be greatly appreciated as well.

Also if my reasoning in this does seem sound, any advice or information on gaining the most from this type of intimacy would be most interesting at this point.

Also on a side note my girl is going to be away for the next two weeks so getting a short hard reboot started will be in the plans for 14 days. 

 

[danger]

While perusing through this forum I came across this link in a success story post by ntg very very good read for me personally. I enjoyed looking at the issue at hand through this perspective. copying the link here for anybody that hasn't seen it yet (I recommend it) as well as an easy place for myself to find it as it should probably be read at least a few times if what you read on it clicks with your general thoughts on getting over the issues caused by P.  http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

 

[danger]

Another issue this morning I had MW (didn't feel 100% but didn't check either) and I was sleeping on my stomach and right side with one leg brought up 45 degrees. In this position I caught myself rubbing my D against the bed. I was partially in and out of sleep when I was doing this as I didn't need to wake up to an alarm this morning. I think I was having a lucid dream about a woman I saw at the grocery store yesterday, I don't know if I remember this or if I made that up to myself afterwards when I was questioning why I would hump my bed subconsciously. I am not sure but I felt like this was similar to M or maybe it is M. Any ideas on what is going on here. Also trying to sleep on my back can be iffy as I do have some lower back pain that makes falling asleep more difficult the night before. When I woke up completely I stopped right away and have been wondering what is going on with this. Comments or advice would be welcomed.

 

[ntg2978]

Glad you found the post helpful man   I remember when I first started, I was in a bit of a haze, from deciding I was committing to no P for as long as I could, and things just seemed weird.  The first week is a little awkward, after that, you'll notice a surge of energy, and lots of cravings.  There's a process involved, just look on this forum for the steps involved.  Usually, each stage lasts a different length of time for each person, and sometimes they go out of order, but usually we all go through the stages.

One thing that's really helpful though, is to just start focusing on other things besides what stage you're in, how many days you've gone, etc.  Get a goal you're going to shoot for, and put all your concentration and effort on it.

Stay strong man.

 

[danger]

WARNING GRAPHIC MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS An update for today, last night. I have been on a job working for about a month steady out of town, every time I was to go on days off somebody would quit or not come back so I have been covering a lot of extra shifts and because of this I have not been able to go out and socialize much. I enjoy going down to the bars with friends and hanging out a little bit, well last night I snuck away from work for a few hours to meet up with a couple of friends and relax have a few drinks and visit.

While in the middle of this something incredible happened. I had a woman come up and start hitting on me. I gotta tell you this was incredible, the surge of confidence I got. Being curious where this could go I did flirt back with this gal and we spent an hour at the bar talking. I explained that I am starting relationship with a gal back home but this didn't seem to deter her away. So as the night went on she made it clear she wanted me to take her back to my place and I obliged but was clear from the start sex was off the table. She acted fine with this and I took her to my bed.

I have been super curious as to how my performance was doing but new not to self test. Well this gal decided to give my D some attention with her hand, and while it felt good it didn't immediately rise to the occasion. When this happened I told her the reason I didn't want sex was because of my ED. I did not tell her it was P induced but made it clear not to expect anything down there. For whatever reason she took this upon herself as a challenge and started giving me a BJ. Even with my ED and having a few drinks on top of that she was determined to get things moving and had some success. I would call it 50 -60% She decided that was up enough for her to get some and hopped on me and began grinding on it without penetration. The motion and her motivation were enough to take it to 70-80% this was enough for her to accomplish penetration and once it was in she was a wildcat. This was great and she got hers. when she got off of me she happily went back to the BJ and put me in control. This was good but I could not reach climax. For a split second I felt a little embarrassed and tried forcing a finish but quickly changed my mind and just enjoyed the pleasure of the moment. I decided to have her stop because although it felt good I have no idea how long she could have been down there with no big finish in sight. I didn't touch it and didn't have an O.

I believe I need to regain more sensitivity if I am to be successful in reaching climax through penetration and obviously I am not rewired to become hard from anything but rigorous stimulation, but I do think getting the stimulation the way I did is along the right track to rewiring my system to function correctly. So I am not sure how much this trist helped or how much it would be considered a set back. Later as we were cuddling and chatting she started gently rubbing on my testicles and around the groin area. I asked her not to stroke the shaft as it started reminding me of self stimulation but the rest of the massage felt really good. With this stimulation and staying away from the shaft and head there was no erection obtained. this morning when I woke up I had a throbbing MW but she was still asleep so I just let it subside after about 5 to 10 minutes and fell back asleep for another hour. No morning sex just physical contact and pleasant conversation.

She was worried that this was a one night stand which I thought it was until she felt bad about it so I have planned a date with her for tomorrow night. Don't know how far anything will go and not expecting anything in the bedroom department unless she is up for it but I figured if she could boost my spirits with just affection, not give a shit about having to deal with my D not performing at 100% and pretty much run every test on me that I could have wanted without me asking then the least I could do would be to humor her with some public attention and let her feel comfortable about hooking up with a guy.

NOTE Im not sure that there is anything useful for anyone else to glean out of this post and almost decided to leave it off of the forum, but if someone does look into it and realizes how much better life can be with the confidence and social interaction or lack of anxiety after a few days of getting out of the PMO cycle then hopefully it will bolster the confidence to keep up the good fight and let guys know awesome things can happen. Even though it is nowhere close to where I want to get with myself it felt good to get and give affection and I was able to see what progress there was. Although the act itself didn't go perfectly it did go and realizing how much better life is coming out from behind the dark cloud of P made this encounter worth it for me.

 

[ntg2978]

You should edit that and put some blank lines in there every so often so it's easier to read.  Good rule of thumb is make it like a class paper, anytime a subject changes, put in a blank line so it breaks it up quite a bit and is easier on the eyes.

 

[danger]

another day in the books. Gonna have to get rid of facebook or let my account go dormant cause the last two days I have come across two videos that were sexual enough in nature to start getting the bloodflow going downstairs. I think this is probably hurting the rewiring process of the brain since it is pixelated and I am looking for my brain to realize the time to act is only when with a real person as stimulation.

So what are the thoughts of finding yourself in a strip club where it is a real person but still very much only a fantasy? Obviously no sex would go down. Maybe a dumb question and I thought it up because Im tired but some reasoning for not doing it would be appreciated.

Also what am I going to use as justification if I am watching a movie and a racy scene is played. A legit movie where sex isn't the main plot and I know even if an erection occurred it would not be a trigger to M. Is just forcing the brain to cause erections through actual excitement from real people or completely random the only way to rewire the brain?

Anyway hope everyone is doing well and remember if you are struggling at the moment and want some help this is a great place to be for support and information. 

 

[ntg2978]

While in the middle of this something incredible happened. I had a woman come up and start hitting on me. I gotta tell you this was incredible, the surge of confidence I got. Being curious where this could go I did flirt back with this gal and we spent an hour at the bar talking. I explained that I am starting relationship with a gal back home but this didn't seem to deter her away. So as the night went on she made it clear she wanted me to take her back to my place and I obliged but was clear from the start sex was off the table. She acted fine with this and I took her to my bed.


A lot of people, myself included have noticed a huge difference in the way women respond to you, when you are about 10-20 days into your reboot.  I really don't know why this is, but enough people have confirmed it that I think it's proven, but we just don't absolutely know why it happens.

Congrats on the nice time with the girl; be careful not to use sex as a way to just stay away from P.  The rewiring process will gradually shift your focus from seeing women as tits & ass, back to a whole human being, and I think introducing sex into it too quickly can mess up that process if you're not careful.

Also, I'm confused as to why you had sex with her, since you told her at the beginning that you didn't want to?  Not judging, just curious as to why you did not stick to what you told her in the beginning.