Optimistic but a little scared

[Hampton23666]

Hi all. I am a 63 year old gay man who has suddenly come to realize in the last year that I have developed PIED.  I used to PMO 2 to 3 times a week but lately the sessions were lasting 2 to 3 hours looking for that perfect video. Even with the porn my erections were becoming less firm even though I could O but the type of P I was watching was becoming more aggressive and violent .Last year I met a really nice guy but when we got in bed, I could not maintain an erection. After a couple of meetings I was so disappointed in my self that I did not hook up with him again. At that point, I did not realize what was happening.  I have not PMO'd in about 6 days but just as a test today tried to MO and.... nothing. Luckily, it did not discourage me to the point where I PMO'd. It confuses me because most mornings I wake up  with an erection so that is why I don't think it is because of my age. Looking at naked men (either in person or pictures) just doesn't do it for me anymore. I am a little scared that it may never again. I am not involved with anybody and guess I have always been sort of a loner so that is why I have really found quite a bit of comfort reading everybody's posts. I don't feel so alone. Thanks guys for taking the time to post and share your struggles with the rest of us. It means more than you will ever know! And I plan to keep trudging along and hope for the best! BTW..I am reading YBOP which is a tremendous help. I think Lyon03 suggested this in one of his posts and it is very encouraging. Well, I have rambled long enough. Wish me luck!

 

[marsturm]

Hi Hampton, Good luck on your journey!!! I am sure we can beat this. It is just a dopamine addiction, and it can be overcome. It has been important for me to ask myself if I still want to PMO. If I do, I am in trouble. Two books that I love to recommend are Breaking the Cycle and The Serenity Principle. Stay strong, my friend.

 

[lyon03]

Welcome Hampton. You are not alone my friend. I'd recommend a reboot without porn (P) nor masturbation to orgasm (MO) for at least the first 90 days. While we are often tempted to 'test' our equipment, six days may have been too short a reboot for your brain to recover. Good job on reading "Your Brain on Porn" which is an excellent book and terrific resource during early reboot. I'd recommend posting daily, starting an exercise programme, and no PMO for the first 90 (a 'hard' reboot). Yes it's daunting but we have to break the cycle to start over again. Thinking of you my brother. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[Hampton23666]

Thank you Lyon and Patrick for your words of encouragenment. Patrick, I will check out the 2 books you recommended and I have YBOP on my kindle so I can read it when I need a boost. What has really motivated me is that I have met a guy that I really like but have not made any advances either romantically or friendship wise because of PIED. So I would like to get this problem solved so I can get on with my life. Like I said I have always been an emotional loner...not letting people get too close....but I am trying to overcome this and be more people oriented. Most people would not realize this because I can be the life of the party but then I come home alone.  I have had 2 relationships in my life. The first one was a disaster and the 2nd one was wonderful but he died many years ago. Since then I kind of kept to myself emotionally. If I felt lonely, I would PMO never realizing the harm I was doing. But now  I am ready to be close to someone again. Thanks again for being there!

 

[sodonewithit]

Hi Hampton.

I think you will find this to be beneficial for sure.  I'm about 20 days in and can already feel some significant chanes going on.  While I also am sceptical for sure, who wouldn't be,  I am  also hopeful. Alot of the points you raised I can also agree on like P getting weirder and just getting less cconfident with ones self but I think that letting it go will do the trick.

I read in one of the other areas of ybop about a person who met a gay man that never masturbated at all.  While I'm a classically straight guy I found this statement to be eye opening in the idea of why would I want to be jerking vs waiting for warm flesh?  I can assure you that even this brief time away from that crap a soft kiss from my wife is different in a shocking way.  For myself this has been a longer-term issue, when I read your age and prowess I was envious so keep up the good fight stud so I'm asking you to be a inspiration to this younger scared man.

 

[Hampton23666]

One week down and I am feeling very optimistic. I wasn't an everyday PMO (maybe 2 or 3 times a week) but it still hasn't been easy but so many people reached out and encouraged me. I am trying to change what seems like a habit of a lifetime! I had a guy who I dated last year call today and wants to get together. I kind of ended it last year because of PIED and was embarrassed. I would like to get together with him but do not know if this would be wise at this stage or not. I don't plan to have sex and would have to explain to him why. Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts on the subject I would appreciate your feed back. So many of you have more experience at this than I do and it would mean a lot to me. I value your honesty.

 

[sodonewithit]

I'd state the deal. Worse scenario is he's offended but I fail to see how that can be and best case is rather unknown at this point.

 

[Phase2]

I agree you may be a little early in the reboot. I wanted to make sure I had some quality time to let my brain rest before I reentered the dating world. You'll know when your natural libido returns. That said, once I did (after Day 45 or so) I found it very helpful to explain the reboot process. For one, almost every gay man is interested in this as he is no doubt also watching porn. Most people I discussed it with admitted they had some similar things going on with themselves so you are literally doing people a service by spreading the word about the bad effects of PMO. Second, by telling them, you deflate all the anxiety of the situation for you. If you explain the flatline, you are no longer under pressure to 'perform' and you can just enjoy being around the guy and do some casual rewiring. Orgasms, rock hard erections, acrobatic sex, etc are off the table--at least until you are ready. Your erections are pretty undependable until you feel healed, and especially during flatline. By explaining this, the pressure disappears and you can enjoy yourself. If the guy really likes you, he will wait it out.

You don't really have to discuss ALL the aspects of your situation. You can also just say you are 'taking a time out from porn or masturbation' because you thought it was hijacking your natural attraction to guys. And a flatline occurs when this happens. And if they want to know more they can check out yourbrainonporn.com.

Anyway, it all sounds good. Honesty, a relaxed attitude, and a eye on the ultimate goal will all make this easier for you. Good luck!

 

[Hampton23666]

Thanks so much for your replies Phase 2 and Sodonewithit. I think I am starting to flatline a little because my libido is almost nil but that is a good thing I think.Still woke up with MW though.  I am enjoying just  "being"  if that makes any sense to you. Not concentrating on anything sensual for the first time in a long time and that feels really good. My mood has really improved and I feel kind of "high". I know that this will change but think I will just enjoy it while it lasts. I will live for today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. So.....I will meet with my friend and explain the situation to him and see if he is willing to stick around.....if not.....oh well.....but, thanks again guys....you mean so much to me. As Lyon03 says...PORN IS NOT AN OPTION

 

[Hampton23666]

Still doing great.....the urges seen to be lessening but the most amazing thing to me is that I seem to be enjoying people more. Maybe it is because I have just been in a very good mood the last 2 days and that is spilling over, but for a loner to enjoy being with people is a good thing!

 

[Hampton23666]

Closing in on 2 weeks and I think I am going to make it. It really helps to read the other journals and realize that you are not fighting this battle alone. For all of you guys who share your struggles with us...thanks....it really encourages us to keep going.

 

[lapdog]

I find comfort in reading the other journals as well as posting in my own. I think it's been the key to my success so far. While I've not broken my best No-PMO record yet, this time feels so different and I think that's largely because of this forum. Hope you stay strong and keep posting!

 

[sodonewithit]

I also agree that seeing others do well helps to achieve the same.  Team work....?