Is my reboot gone?

[tostadora]

Hi!

yesterday I had sex with my gf. I didn't use any porn fantasy or anything, but after it I felt like I had PMOed. It was strange. I also came too quick, which is not my experience after beginning the reboot.

I was thinking about it and now I can see that yesterday's sex was more ferocious, not calm at all. I was trying to get her fired up, so I pushed her around, talked dirty to her. She was giving me a blowjob and I stopped her to kiss her in the mouth, which I now recall is something I saw in P.

So, now I'm worried that this sex have messed my reboot giving me a dopamine spike too similar to my old ones. That'd be devastating for me, taking into consideration that I'm too near the 90 days, and the perspective of another 3 months feeling horrible is something that scares me and makes me lose some hope (not only because I'll feel bad, because of the strain ti'll put in my worklife, relationships, etc.)

I'm feeling without motivation today and I'd love to spend all day just sleeping or laying around.

 

[dugger2015]

I don't think this is a problem at all. Sex is okay during reboot. You were focused on her. It was intense, it was passionate. People do the things you did outside of P. You're now recalling something you saw in P. Just redirect your thoughts from that now and keep your guard up for a bit. My last few sexual experiences have been crazy, but the important thing is I'm recovering, I'm with an actual person! So don't feel bad about this. Be proud of how far you've come and keep pressing on.

 

[mtaha2015]

it is better to avoid sex. and give complete rest to your brain from sexuality

 

[dugger2015]

That is completely up to the individual. For some, 30 days of total abstinence and no O is needed, recommended, for others, more, for some, less. Personally, I became active after 18 days, but have only had sex and O four times during the reboot. I've cut back but I have not cut it out completely.

 

[challenged]

I don't agree that it is better to avoid sex entirely-- at least not as a general or absolute rule.  We're trying to "rewire" our brains so that we prefer, and get excited by, a real person rather than porn.  The problem is porn, not sex.

It appears that some might benefit from avoiding orgasm during the reboot, and that just "fooling around" with a partner might be helpful for some, while avoiding orgasm.  And one has to be aware of the "chaser effect," that feeling that one wants to M or watch porn after an orgasm.  But for many rebooters, it appears that sex, and even orgasm, with a real person can be an aid to a reboot.  Some people cannot avoid sex and orgasm for 30, 60, 90 days, and doing so, while avoiding porn, could just make a full reboot a practical impossibility.  As has been often said, the rebooting process is an "individual experiment," and what works for one might not work for another.

These articles on the YBOP site discuss sex during the reboot.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/node/79

http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-with-a-partner

So, now I'm worried that this sex have messed my reboot giving me a dopamine spike too similar to my old ones.

Again, the real issue is porn, not sex.  And the issue is not dopamine from sex with a person; the issue is dopamine (especially repeated hits of dopamine) from internet porn.

 

[mikechck1212]

I was thinking about it and now I can see that yesterday's sex was more ferocious, not calm at all. I was trying to get her fired up, so I pushed her around, talked dirty to her. She was giving me a blowjob and I stopped her to kiss her in the mouth, which I now recall is something I saw in P.

The only way you're ever going to not do something that you saw in porn is to never have sex again. I'm pretty certain every sexual act possible has occurred in porn so you're going to be recreating something you saw at one time or another. I think as long you and your partner enjoyed what was happening and were both mentally present and focussed on each other (not thinking about some porn scene) then you're fine. Over time you'll think about certain acts because you've done them with a partner and want to do them again because they were enjoyable for both of you and brought you closer.

 

[mtaha2015]

Sex is not the problem , if its between GF and BF or Husband and wife.
Because , proper relationship and bounding is positive for humanity and individual. and it is natural.
but if you are going to prostitutes , this is wrong , it will bring bad consequences and you will struggle with your addictions too.

sex is natural , but it should be in limits and it should be natural sex. intimacy.

fantasy and porn will bring bad consequences too.