TheSadBear
New Member
Hi my name is Bear.
Im 37 years old. English is not my first language so if my spelling or grammar is bad i apologize.
Ive been an addict of alcohol, amphetamines, cannabis, and surprisingly for me. Porn.
I started early. At 12 i started drinking. At 15 i was already a heavy drinker. At 19 i started using amphetamines and cannabis. I dont know why i started with all this. I had a fantastic childhood. I?ve never lacked anything. I have a loving family (mother,father,sister,niece) that means the world to me. I have plenty of friends around the world. I dont know why i keep screwing up and getting hooked on things.
I was always a highly functioning addict. I didnt do well in school. My teachers were very frustrated with me saying i was very smart but never put in any effort what so ever. But I still managed to find a job that i love and that im damn good at.
When i was 26 i nearly died from my substance abuse. When i saw my mothers face at the ER i decided that i would never cause her such hurt and worry again. Since that day i have been sober. I have not touched any of it again. Not once. I did it by my self because i didnt want anyone to know how bad it really was. To this day my family dont know just how bad my substance abuse really was. Im not gonna lie, it was VERY tough. At times it still is, ten and a half years later.
One would think after going through this i would be able to recognize addiction. But no. I first got in contact with porn at age 6 or 7. I found some magazines in a neighbours garage. It blew my mind. I didnt start watching porn regularly until puberty. This was well before highspeed internet but at 14 i had a rather large collection of video tapes and magazines. When i discoverd internet i just took it to a whole new level. It got more and more hardcore. And it took up more and more of my time. I did have girlfriends but i have never managed to have a relationship longer than a year. I started getting ED when having sex in my late twenties but i thought it was from my substance abuse. I started to become less social and convinced myself i dont need or deserve a meaningful relationship.
About a year ago i first started questioning my porn use. But my brain just went into denial.Its just porn. How harmful can it be? Right?
3 days ago i stumbled on to this site while trying to find info on how to best rebooting my PC. Its funny how the universe works. I watched one of Gabes videos (i was still very sceptical) and it was like getting punched in the gut. It was just spot on. I broke down completely. Then i watched another video and started to read your stories on the forum.
I cant tell you how much it means to me, and what an inspiration you all are to me. Thank you all so much for your courage and honesty! Im not alone!
Its been three days now and i have not watched any porn. I got rid of everything i had on my PC and blocked the sites i was using. Im not gonna lie. Its very tough. Its just like with the substance abuse. I have troubles sleeping, nightmares, headaches, anxiety, and a lot of self loathing.
But im taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time if i have to. And i hope i can do it.
As Winston Churchill once said: -When going through hell. Keep going.
- Bear
Im 37 years old. English is not my first language so if my spelling or grammar is bad i apologize.
Ive been an addict of alcohol, amphetamines, cannabis, and surprisingly for me. Porn.
I started early. At 12 i started drinking. At 15 i was already a heavy drinker. At 19 i started using amphetamines and cannabis. I dont know why i started with all this. I had a fantastic childhood. I?ve never lacked anything. I have a loving family (mother,father,sister,niece) that means the world to me. I have plenty of friends around the world. I dont know why i keep screwing up and getting hooked on things.
I was always a highly functioning addict. I didnt do well in school. My teachers were very frustrated with me saying i was very smart but never put in any effort what so ever. But I still managed to find a job that i love and that im damn good at.
When i was 26 i nearly died from my substance abuse. When i saw my mothers face at the ER i decided that i would never cause her such hurt and worry again. Since that day i have been sober. I have not touched any of it again. Not once. I did it by my self because i didnt want anyone to know how bad it really was. To this day my family dont know just how bad my substance abuse really was. Im not gonna lie, it was VERY tough. At times it still is, ten and a half years later.
One would think after going through this i would be able to recognize addiction. But no. I first got in contact with porn at age 6 or 7. I found some magazines in a neighbours garage. It blew my mind. I didnt start watching porn regularly until puberty. This was well before highspeed internet but at 14 i had a rather large collection of video tapes and magazines. When i discoverd internet i just took it to a whole new level. It got more and more hardcore. And it took up more and more of my time. I did have girlfriends but i have never managed to have a relationship longer than a year. I started getting ED when having sex in my late twenties but i thought it was from my substance abuse. I started to become less social and convinced myself i dont need or deserve a meaningful relationship.
About a year ago i first started questioning my porn use. But my brain just went into denial.Its just porn. How harmful can it be? Right?
3 days ago i stumbled on to this site while trying to find info on how to best rebooting my PC. Its funny how the universe works. I watched one of Gabes videos (i was still very sceptical) and it was like getting punched in the gut. It was just spot on. I broke down completely. Then i watched another video and started to read your stories on the forum.
I cant tell you how much it means to me, and what an inspiration you all are to me. Thank you all so much for your courage and honesty! Im not alone!
Its been three days now and i have not watched any porn. I got rid of everything i had on my PC and blocked the sites i was using. Im not gonna lie. Its very tough. Its just like with the substance abuse. I have troubles sleeping, nightmares, headaches, anxiety, and a lot of self loathing.
But im taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time if i have to. And i hope i can do it.
As Winston Churchill once said: -When going through hell. Keep going.
- Bear