Keep relapsing ??need advice

[SebUK]

Hi all

So I've been a porn addict for a long time now. I'm 32 and started watching when I was 15. When I was 22 I looked at some stuff that I really shouldn't have, and ever since then I've been trying to quit, without success. I've tried the normal strategies: blocking access, counselling, changing habits, and researching the addiction with mixed success. Last year I got married and this has put more pressure on me to fix the problem.

For the last two months I've been trying to block out porn completely and it is not really working. What I've noticed is that if I suppress my desire for porn, it will just will just emerge in a different area of my life. Or, I will just crack. To give an example, last weekend my wife went out of the city. On Friday I had a relapse and I told her on Saturday. Then on Saturday night I had another relapse, which I also told her about. As bad as my problem has been over the years ? and it has been bad to the point of considering suicide ? it still stuns me that I cannot control my urges for just two days while my wife is away.

From all the research I've done, I know my brain has been rewired, and I know that I need to let it heal by letting the "porn wiring" atrophy.

But here's the problem: I work at home all day, and by 1-2 pm, after I've done some good hard work, my brain will trigger some thoughts that I need a break/reward/feel good time. It literally takes a few of these thoughts before I crack. I can suppress them in the morning, but not for long. It's like I've built a tiny little levy, and the water is easily able to wash over it, almost without trying. As you can imagine, this is very frustrating. Although I have CE installed on my computer, I know how to reset my iPhone and this is how my relapses occur. I also have Apple TV which leads to binge sessions on youtube.

I know this is a rambling post, so I'll summarise: I can't work out how to break my addiction cycle. Please give me some advice from an outside perspective as I've lost perspective.

- If you were me in this situation, what would you do?

Thanks in advance

Struggling Seb

 

[Arcticguy]

Hi Seb.A very important step I`ve taken is to develop self awareness. That means eliminating stress as much as possible. That means working out, meditating and finding ways to relax. And also: have a plan. So that would mean that when your wife leaves and you are alone, have a clear strategy what to do when you are alone. This seems to be a trigger situation for you. You being alone. Therefore; make a plan. Leave the house when the minute you are not working or remove yourself from the computer and your phone. Call somebody etc. Also, when you work hard that can cause stress which leads to stress...

The point is: be aware on where you are when you relapse and try to learn more how your thoughts and mind works. It takes time and effort to learn this, so make it a priority and NEVER EVER GIVE UP. I to have been very depressed and had suicide thoughts etc, but when I found out about all the knowledge on the web and especially this site, it has given me hope. You deserve to beat this, and your wife deserves the best version of you. Also, as I`ve read on here several times: you are not alone. I have gone almost a month without PMO know, and even though it gives me confidence I can say it is really hard to beat. Your mind will try to fool you in every way possible and catch you whenever it can, so be prepared and get straight up every time you fail. We all wish you good luck!

 

[OSS]

Articguy gave great advice.

I second leaving the house, the minute you finish work, leave. Pack any gear in the morning before you start work that you need to take with you for where ever you plan to go. Alternatively you could work in a cafe or library? Exercise or a sport is a POWERFUL tool, great stress relief, willpower increaser and it lessens my urges for the rest of the day. I'm sure you can make it to the door within 10 minutes of finishing work, without relapsing. As it sounds you're having decent sex you could alternatively MO without P which may help, if it damages progress avoid it but still better than PMO.

Besides that mindfulness meditation is a great tool, teaches you to be aware of thoughts/emotions before/as they arrive and teaches how to in some sense detach from them. After learning about meditation, primarily from the book "waking up by Sam Harris" I'm surprised any of us make any real progress without meditation. To expect humans to overcome a powerful addiction urge which can be quenched by going on their phone which sits in their pockets, simply through grit and white knuckling it without any brain training, it's pretty incredible.

You seem like a very intelligent dude, you can figure this out without suicide.

 

[mtaha2015]

Passion , motivation , self esteem , mental focus , mental concentration to beat this porn addiction.

every one uses different techniques to break free from it.

you have to choose your self. what is good for you.

 

[tscooter]

I'm with you Seb. Just relapsed...again. Not giving up on this battle. It is a very difficult thing, but worth the fight. If I lose 1000 more times, I will not just accept this in my life. You're not alone, bro

 

[mtaha2015]

tscooter is a good example of continuous effort.

if you relapse , just get back on the horse as soon as possible.

Good work tscooter.
welcome back

 

[SebUK]

Thanks guys for the helpful responses. I will keep trying! It's good to know the internet can be a source of support as well as a source of a relapse

The meditation idea is a good one; I'll download that book and some others I've found and report back on how I go.

 

[mtaha2015]

meditation is the only mental exercise , which enhances your mental focus, mental concentration and will power at a time.

3 things in 1 exercise.

meditation is in practice of mankind since thousands of years.
it was in early civilizations too.