Opposite of ED (Anyone have this experience?)

[Promise]

Hi YBOP, I've been off P for about 10 days now (during which time I M'd twice, including yesterday afternoon) and I find I have a bit of an issue that I havn't really seen documented here by anyone else afaik.  My nethers have grown rather responsive, for want of a better way of putting it.  Even thinking about hugging can trigger a semi :/  Just now I was at the store, and the cashier was sooo pretty, with these gorgeous sky blue eyes, just talking to her, joking and smiling was enough to trigger it, which as you can imagine is awkward in public (I fought it, but I had to concentrate hard to make sure it didn't happen).

Has anyone else had this experience?  Anyone else know if/when in the reboot it will go away?  Anyone know any tips to stop it happening?

These aren't sexual things or thoughts, just hugging, looking at a beautiful smiling face, holding hands.  Things one might consider 'mundane' trigger a physical reaction.  I really don't want to be spending time with female friends concentrating on not getting a boner, or trying to flirt with someone and always having to fight the physical reaction.  I have a difficult enough time as it is approaching people due to minor anxiety without having this to deal with!

Any comments, advice, experiences would be most welcomed.

Thanks RN, love and strength!

 

[HumbleRich]

Hi there, I'll go ahead and respond.

These are called spontaneous erections and they are stimulated visually or sometimes by non-sexual touching.  I'm no expert, but I do believe that porn addiction and PMOing can make them more frequent and severe than is probably natural.  I know that they have been bad for me for years.  The first time I cuddled with my fiancee in bed, I got an erection.  She didn't mind feeling it, but it was embarrassing for me.  Other situations were times when she saw me changing or getting ready to get in the shower.  It got so bad that sometimes just having her look at me when I was naked was enough to get me hard.  I had objectified myself that much.

It has gotten better with the reboot.  I still get a feeling of exhilaration and excitement from looking at my fiancee.  My heart beats faster, I get warm, etc.  But I don't start getting hard until she and I actually start touching each other.

I can stand naked in front of her without getting hard now.  I am not preoccupied with sex anymore. 

Rebooting helps!  Keep up the good work!

 

[HumbleRich]

Advice for dating...

If it continues to happen through your reboot.

1.  Don't let it worry you.  Have fun and focus on your date.
2.  Do not bring it up, ever, unless she does.  Keep it to yourself until it is the right time to bring up sex.
3.  When kissing, focus on the kiss.  Be romantic and touch her face with your hands.  Focus on the kiss, not your hard on.
4.  It is normal and expected to get aroused when making out.  But don't talk about it unless she brings it up.  It is ok to get an erection, but be a gentleman about it.
5.  If you get to the spooning phase, know that women will not be surprised to feel a bit of poking during spooning.  Again, be a gentleman and don't mention it.  Save yourself some embarassment and make space when it happens. 
6.  Don't sweat it.  If a woman has real feelings for you she will probably understand.  Being hard on a time is sure to annoy, but if you work on your reboot and try to stop thinking about sex all of the time, it should get better.

Oh and

7.  A great tip.  Make a habit of bathing with your girlfriend.  It is a great way to spend time with her naked in a non-sexual context, can be very romantic and can help you to become accustomed to seeing her body.

Best of luck!

 

[Chaos Mind]

[quote author=HumbleRich]I can stand naked in front of her without getting hard now.[/quote]

And are you sure this is a good thing? Not getting hard in front of your fiancee? I know MY gf likes it when that happens. And even more so if it IS about sex (i.e. we have sexual contact then).

@Promise:
Both the addiction and the recovery are non-predictable and depend on many unknown mental factors.
The common case is: reboot leads to flatline, leads to a process of re-wiring. That means that you start your recovery and first of all feel no arousal at all until you start to turn from pixel-women to real persons that attract you. The reason for that is that for most addicts their brains have built a strong relation between female role models on a screen and arousal - they are being regarded as potential sexual partners, so you start focussing on them only. During the reboot the brain learns the fact that pixel-women are not real and that it is only the people around you who are actually good for procreation.

Some people, however, seem to be addicted without having lost sexual connection to their real environment. Usually that comes along with an increased libido. Or in other words: what they can't get on the internet anymore, is being replaced by women around them. The mind still seeks pleasure and takes it whenever it has the chance to do so.

Now that can be a bad thing, for example when it leads to objectification. You are doing no good in oggling at women, imagining porn scenes with them or only seeing bodies instead of persons. But as you describe it, it's your own girlfriend turning you on. You feel erection for beautiful eyes and soft skin. You are getting horny when touched gently. That is not an obstacle - it's your goal! Sure, it can be annoying to be so sensitive...but it's a hundred times better than feeling no pleasure for real women at all.

I am feeling the same way as you do. Since I started my reboot, I've had some problems with premature ejaculation when with my gf. But on the other hand, sex has become so much more intense. It's love and it's passion. I am easily aroused and she loves that, because the two of us enjoy the physical part of our relationship as much as the emotional one. It's a package. I wouldn't be too concerned...you are doing just fine! Only make sure it doesn't lead to you walking with the dick in your hand.

 

[HumbleRich]

You make a lot of assumptions, Chaos Mind.

My sex life with my fiancee is just fine, thanks.

When I am naked and she gives me the look, or she stares longingly then my cock rises to the occasion.  But when I am getting changed or ready to take a shower, I am more able to control myself.  My body can tell the difference.

Best 

 

[Chaos Mind]

Sure these are assumptions. I deal with the topic differently than you do - so the thread starter has at least two different opinions on his problems. You clearly seem to deal with the issue in another way that I do...I didn't want make you feel like yours was wrong and mine was right. Self control for me is important when it comes to stopping myself from PMO. But anything related to my own gf, I am doing good in NOT wanting to control everything. I wouldn't want to train myself not to get hard. When it happens, it does. For me that's the best way to find a way back into a loving relationship.