Turning it upside down

[DayByDay]

Day 74

Still going strong over here. Been having some increasingly difficult urges due to some extra sensitivity down south. To be honest thought I cant really complain because it feels good. Still resisting the temptation to MO though because I know all I'm really doing is scratching an itch that will return. I need to find a real women to scratch that itch instead.

Anyways I came on here to talk to you guys a little bit about where I am at in this reboot.

Firstly let me start by saying I feel like I've completely moved away from porn. I never have any urge to watch P and I rarely think about it. My strongest urges come from wanting to O but I know that M and O often leads back to P so I really am trying to stay away from it. I am starting to look at more women and I find myself focusing more and more on their personalities as opposed to their looks. I guess I can see this with a few relationships I have developing at the moment, girls who I could probably sleep with, but Im either too nervous to or just dont really see anything coming from it because of the differences in our characters, which is funny because all I wanted to do at the start of this reboot is fuck around. Maybe I am just not capable of being that guy.

So if I've moved away from porn and have a few girls interested why am I still not happy?

Well I guess I still dont feel like I've changed. Okay that's a lie. I cant really sit here and write that because I have changed. I find it easier to talk to people now, I've stopped drooling over porn and I have a little bit more self-belief. But I guess I feel like I'm still missing something. It still feels like I waste the majority of my free time in-front of a computer .... Fuck I cant even do this. Im fed up of moping about shit. Instead I'm gonna show you my goals for the remaining three months of my summer.

Goals:
- Get my bike on the road and get it looking well.
- Put on some muscle mass. This means hitting the gym frequently like I was a few months ago.
- Increase my design skills.

My plan is to basically try and at least do one of the above for two hours a day excluding the gym which will hopefully be 4 times a week. If I can do that then hopefully I wont feel so bad when I relax at night on my computer.

My dad says I am way to hard on myself but I dunno. Recently (past year or two) I've just been driven mad with this desire to succeed. It feels like I should have accomplished so much in my life already if I want to be successful. I basically just end up feeling like I've let myself down all day every day. Basically I just end up feeling dissapointed in myself 24/7. Has anybody every had any feelings like this before ? Please I could really use some advice on this one to make it go away? Maybe there is something I need to do like quit computers or something ?

 

[CrazyGopher]

Greetings DayByDay,

I think maybe I can relate to what you are feeling because I went through a period in life where I was depressed. I made some very bad mistakes and even spent time in jail. After that I was disappointed with myself and felt like I was worthless.

But eventually I came back from that experience. Other people encouraged me and I found out the way to make the bad feelings go away is to just ignore them. Instead, I focused on what I need to do.

Now I feel much better about myself, and I think you can feel better too! You have your goals and you know what you need to do now. Do not think about the past or the things you should have accomplished already. Instead, just do these things. And after you have done those things, then you will realize what you need to do after that. If you do that and keep doing that, then you will start to feel better.

You have accomplished 74 days of hard mode, which is something that very, very few men have been able to do. It is a great achievement! Now you can begin to work on your next achievements, which will be great as well.

 

[DayByDay]

Day 0

I wanna start off by apologising to anybody who has been reading my journal over the course of my reboot. Its been a long time since I've posted here and I've only myself to blame for that (my busy schedule got the better of me for a few days and I fell out of routine) . I feel like I've let you all down in a way because I owe it to you guys to report on my progress and any changes that might happen in the hope that it could benefit somebody else in the world (if not now then in the future).

But lets not dwell on the past. Whats important is that Im back. So, since it's been so long I'm unsure as to where to begin. I guess I should explain my counter before I start talking about progress!

So to start with ... I did it! I made it 90 days (probably around 102-3 but whos counting right ?  )! Thank you guys for all the encouragement and support. Without your kind words and advice I dont think Id have made it anywhere near 90. Its a great feeling to know that I achieve something I once thought was impossible, once I put my mind to it and had the right support. If I'm honest I actually didn't even notice the 90 day mark because I wasn't active on RN but I celebrated it none the less once I seen it. The reason why my post is titled day 0 is because ... well ... I relapsed. There was no P involved, just MO and it was a conscious act. I feel like I've moved away from porn now and that I am at the point in my reboot where I can start moving back to spaced out and infrequent MOing. But wait .... Wasn't MO a huge factor in me being nervous around women ?Yes it was ... and it would still be If I had never decided to reboot.

A few weeks ago I got in touch with a girl "A". Me and A didn't really finish on great terms and when she moved abroad we barley spoke. Me and "A" decided to meet up while she was home. We spent some time together, watched a movie and had sex two times, once before bed and again in the morning. Even though I was nervous as hell and she made the majority of the first moves I really enjoyed it. I missed it. A lot. I probably wont be seeing A again for a while but I suppose because of our past history she was probably the best girl to begin re-wiring with.

I've been on a few dates in the past month with another girl called "M". Me and M used to work together but since I quit, back at the start of July, we have been keeping in touch. We have a lot in common, have similar mindsets towards life and we both love traveling. Despite all this I still feel like there is something amiss between me and M so I am taking it slow. Our last date M asked me over for some Dinner and again we watched a movie or two. M wasn't as forward as A though and we both went to bed unsatisfied. In the morning M brushed up beside me and we cuddled for a bit. Eventually I decided to just kiss her. Again one thing led to another and we had sex.

In both of the above situations I was really nervous but I guess that's natural. My performance with A the first time was really good. I lasted for quite a while and actually had to make myself O. The second time in the morning didn't last so long but again was enjoyable (at least for me  :-[). With M it was a similar situation to the second time with A (It was over in a minute or two). I think the duration comes down to the contraception we used. With A the first time I used a standard condom (not very sensitive but still good). The second time we used a "thin" condom which is supposed to increase pleasure for both party's. The time with M then we used nothing (my first time every doing this) as she had a coil implant and told me we didn't need to.

Is there anyway for me to increase duration without having to sacrifice pleasure ? Is it because of the contraceptives (or lack of) or does it have something to do with how little I MO now ? I remember back in the bad days (pre-reboot) I would often edge for as long as possible to practice being on the edge of an O and seeing how long I could hold it for.

Aside from the sex, life is pretty good. I still procrastinate every now and then and smoke some herb at the weekend but I am happier. In face, its safe to say I am a lot happier than I've been in a few years. Whats it down to ? Well I think the main reason for it is the reboot.

When I first started I thought of a reboot as a simple tool. You stop PMO for X amount of days, starting taking more notice of women, starting approaching them, start sleeping with them and boom your life turns itself around. This notion couldnt be further from the truth however. My reboot forced me to take a good look at myself and realise the areas in my life where I wasn't satisfied. It was more of a way of life than a tool. I started to analyise why I was feeling so bad and what I could to improve my situation. Slowly but surely, daybyday (sorry I couldnt resist 8)), I started to make small changes or push myself out of my comfort zone. I started sketching in preparation for college. I decided to start weight lifting again to get that body I've always wanted. I tried going out a bit more and spending my money on events rather than products. You get what I'm saying ? I started doing the things I've always wanted to do.

These small steps, baby steps even, started to add up and eventually I started to feel a lot happier with myself. I wasn't turning my life around 180 degrees in an instant but it was a start. And thats all I needed.

Theres still so many aspects of my daily life that Im not happy with but I've stopped looking at them on an individual basis and instead tried to look at them in the grand-scheme of things. Its helped. A lot.

Anyways ... Like I said Im still procrastinating and Im actually in work right now so before my boss comes in and forces me to Alt F4 my post I wanna post it. If you guys have any questions for me or any advice please Im all ears! Would be nice to hear from some of the old faces who helped me along the way!

No doubt Ill be back in a day or two to check up on some long lost friends and re-post in my journal. Long live RN! 

 

[Pinky]

It is great to have you back!

Sounds like we've got a new success story on this forum, but don't stop there, keep pushing

Don't worry too much about the duration. Your sensitivity has surely increased, but that's a good thing - you can have sex more frequently now, even several times in a row. Once you start having sex regularly it will stabilize.

Best of luck!