Starting Fresh for my 30s

[Rcubed85]

It took me a while to be okay with the title- having to admit to the need to start fresh- and to the fact that 30 is just months away. Regardless of how difficult it is, this is what I need to do. Although I haven't suffered as many consequences from my porn usage as others on here have, I know it is just a matter of time until I do- and I want to turn my habits around before they catch up with me. I'm tired of living in a fog- a life dictated by when i'll be alone with my computer, how many things I can put off to feed my habit, etc. I'm tired of my brain telling me one thing when I know I should bee doing another, and i'm tired of not admitting that I could be doing better. My brain often plays it off as 'no big deal', and even the few time when I have approached some close guy friends about the worry that this might be an addiction, they respond with the bewildered look of ME being the normal one because I watch porn.

I'm not going to pretend like this is easy. I have been telling myself to stop- but then before I know it a few months have passed and i'm right back where I started. I would love to dive into this with all of your support, and in turn I will do my best to support all of you in return. I know that I should jump on every day just to read and comment, so that is going to be one of my first steps.

Thanks to all of you for helping me out. Here I go...

 

[Crespo]

Hi Rcubed... Good job admitting you have a problem you need to start fresh from. All the addiction info I have read say the first step, and often the hardest, is truly admitting your problem to your self.

I totally understand the response you get from your friends. Mine look at me like am I insane! Even my friend who I know spends a couple of hours a day on porn...it's like everyone believes so much that porn is harmless that can't see the damage right in front of their faces.

One thing I can say already is that coming on here every morning is really helping me so try sticking to your first step.

Good luck! I'll keep checking back to see how are doing...

 

[Rcubed85]

Well, this is certainly the longest I have gone without P. The dicotomy of it all is that on one hand, I feel amazing. I have started working out, I am eating better, I have more energy during the day, and like myself more. On the other hand, this reboot and new lifestyle is tiring. I have been tempted throughout it and give in to the urges as a rest, but I have been able to battle back. I'm here because I was tempted to schedule a skype session with one of those websites, but I am determined to not give in and keep improving. It feels great to have the support here and the venue to come to when i'm tempted or the hard work is getting tired.

Thanks for the kind words Crespo and the support. One day at a time!

 

[afb7]

Some of what you're saying resonates with me Rcubed85. Below is my experience, so take it for what it's worth. I'd like to know your take on some of my thoughts.

I have had several failed reboots over the last two years, and I think one thing is very different between this time and all those others. I think all of my past reboots included like a full reboot of everything. Not just P, but also food, work or study, cleaning, cooking, going to bed at the right time, cutting out video games, and exercising more. Probably a few other things too. I either had a big burst of sustained adrenaline for days afterwards. Like between 10 days and 2 months. After the 2 month burst, I crashed harder than all the others, and took the longest to come back to recovery because it seemed like too steep a hill to climb. But even the 10 day burst ended in relapse because the fatigue was too much.

So this time around I'm only focusing on the goals you can read in my counter below. And this time I don't feel that adrenaline surge, which makes me feel like I have to hold on for dear life. Right now I'm just dealing with the daily bombardment of urges and impulses, but that's it. Food will have to be sorted out, as well as all that other stuff. But for me, this is #1 now. For me, it's too risky to go "all-in" and risk getting too exhausted to care anymore about my recovery.

If you have the time, let me know what you think. Good luck today.