treehugger513
Member
One of the toughest battles I have been having with this process is understanding my PA as an addict. There is so much disconnect between what I know and love about him and what his addiction has done to us.
He is so loving, respectful and protective of me. Yet through his addiction he disrespected and hurt me. He made me feel so unloved. He is so open and willing to communicate so how could he lie, deceive and make so many empty promises to me? He made me feel so full and complete and then through his addiction made me feel so cold, lonely and ugly.
It's almost as if addiction made him Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Now, through his recovery, I feel as though I see my PA as a whole person. He is much happier and so full of life. It is like he has been given permission to be himself. I just have such a hard time viewing him capable of all that he has done to me. It almost seems as though he was living two lives. It's a scary thought, but it is also comforting to know that he let me in on the darkest parts of his life. It helps me realize he trusts me enough to help him face his flaws and help him fight his hardest battle. Maybe through the flames we will become closer and rise through the ashes. Better than before.
He is so loving, respectful and protective of me. Yet through his addiction he disrespected and hurt me. He made me feel so unloved. He is so open and willing to communicate so how could he lie, deceive and make so many empty promises to me? He made me feel so full and complete and then through his addiction made me feel so cold, lonely and ugly.
It's almost as if addiction made him Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Now, through his recovery, I feel as though I see my PA as a whole person. He is much happier and so full of life. It is like he has been given permission to be himself. I just have such a hard time viewing him capable of all that he has done to me. It almost seems as though he was living two lives. It's a scary thought, but it is also comforting to know that he let me in on the darkest parts of his life. It helps me realize he trusts me enough to help him face his flaws and help him fight his hardest battle. Maybe through the flames we will become closer and rise through the ashes. Better than before.