C
chickaboomski
Guest
Finding this forum gave us a fighting chance. I stumbled upon it while entering your symptoms trying to figure out what was going on, was it medical, mental, was it me? The previous 18 months had raised questions in my head that you didn't answer in a way that made sense. The more I read, the more things made sense. You were working away at the time and I was hoping that when you stopped and came home permanently things would change. I had been checking your browser history and thought it was your way of living life away. A single life that you had come accustomed to before you met me. I was hoping that once you finished up, that me being there, things would change. Boy was I wrong. Things just got worse. Soon enough, with no day job, you were consumed. My first post on here was me battling with myself, with what I knew about you, and not knowing how to approach it, what to do or where to go. After a few weeks of gathering advice and knowledge, and my anxiety symptoms pea king of a night with shakes, vomiting and sleeping on the couch I finally hurt more from not saying anything than any outcome could possibly play out. So I boldly sent you a message as I could not say the words without choking or vomiting. I know you love me. Your reaction was nothing less than the best my beautiful man would say, do. You acknowledged you had no idea it was the cause of my problems. You did not acknowledge the addiction. We cried together, you needed to know I loved you, you asked me if I trust you. I said I did. I was hopeful you were being honest, that you were thinking you were helping me from the hours I was working and tired. But admittedly, I knew what would come. I am writing this post hoping that soon you will stumble on it. Yes you make more of an effort to kiss, and hold me now, I get that. Although changing your browser settings is a dead give away. But mostly no interest in sex with me for weeks after weeks after me begging for it is pretty obvious. You do have an addiction. I hope you realize this soon. I hope you admit this soon. I hope you find this post soon. I love you. I am losing you. I am losing me. I don't want to hurt you. I know it hurt you to hear that I had thought of leaving. But I am hurting too. And now your attempts to cover it up is hurting more. I come here to find support, strategies, sanity. Please come back to me. Please find your way back to you.
Xx heavy heart filled with love.
Xx heavy heart filled with love.