Reboot at 30..

[xtc14]

Just thought I would make an account just to make my endeavour more trackeable.
I've been struggling to remove porn and masturbation (both together) since 2012.
Back on those days I moved to a bigger city and out of habit I will masturbate maybe daily or do a marathon in the weekend jacking off.
Started masturbating by recording VHS movies, some old mexican porno movies, I was hooked with the rush and the feeling, maybe started this when I was 13 or 14.
Was a late bloomer, had sex for the first time at 24. I couldn't cum the first time..
Wasn't able to get a proper girlfriend until early 2013 meeting her online. Before her I had some hook ups or "FWB" arrangements, none of these girls were smoking hot, maybe were in the 5, 6 category, not to sound superficial but I've always liked hot and attractive girls but for some reason I just couldn't land one of them.

When I met my ex-girlfriend I started having sex with her maybe in the 2nd or 3rd month dating her, the first time I couldn't get it up; I masturbated some days earlier. The next weekend we attempted sex again and it went OK by myself taking a diet of no porn and no orgasm.
As time went on my ex-girlfriend became less interested in sex, so I escalated rapidly on fapping to porn and orgasming several times, sometimes even after having sex with her.
In the end I broke the relationship because the lack of sex..

Now I'm 30 and single, after some relapses this year, I'm again at it, doing HARD MODE, and it's very hard, sometimes I feel like fapping, but the majority of the time I am on the flatline, only in the early mornings when going to the bathroom I wake up with boners but through out the day.

Now, is it possible to reboot while having sex, maybe occasionally from time to time, 2-3 weeks? I don't know if I should go on and proceed to continue with HARD MODE, I'm prone to have the CHASER EFFECT.

Thanks for the support here.

 

[phoenix0015]

Hi xtc14.
First of all welcome to the recovery programme. I can relate to your story and struggle.
I am also new here and going for Hard 90.
Regarding your question about having actual sex during recovery so you would find different opinions here.
some suggest, actual sex with a real person helps in recovery and rewiring brain.
if sex involves feelings and there is a connect with partner,  I think it should help in recovery because then brain is learning to get its dopamine rush in right way.
Remember we are not PMO addicts but actually dopamine addicts who are habitual to get their dopamine dose through PMO. while we need to rebalance the dopamine level but at the same time need to train brain to get its dopamine dose from right action like exercise,  success,  socialising etc. and of course sex with a real person.
Keep on the hard mode, I think that's best way to go for it.

BEST OF LUCK. Hope you succeed in achieving your goal.

 

[xtc14]

Thanks for your reply phoenix.

This past 2 weeks I've been feeling very low energy, with sleepiness, feelings of depression and hopelessness. I'm sure PMO is the one to blame.
Actually I have a FWB (Friends with benefits), not an attractive girl but it served me as a way to get sex, although in between seeing her I relapsed and fapped to porn, so I guess I would have to continue going on HARD mode.
Or, I could work on getting a girlfriend, but maybe she will want to have sex before I reboot, and it will be kind of awkward telling her about this reboot thing.
I have had a loss of my longtime friend, a male Cocker spaniel in January, and I'm away from my family, I think that also contributes to getting depressed. I like cycling but so far that hasn't helped very much.
I've started taking St. John herbal medicine in capsules today, let's see if it works.
Good luck to you to in your reboot journey!

Edit. Last night I had a dream I was fucking a nice looking woman. I was inside of her raw, to be honest I thought I was having sex for sure, actually the sensation felt pretty damn good, and was conscious I'm on this no FAP journey, it simply was weird. In the morning I didn't wake up wet or anything, but maybe it's a sign the mind is starting to reboot? I also dreamt having holding a hand of a girl I liked but that haven't approached yet (was only Facebook friend), but now she's engaged. Interesting.

 

[xtc14]

Hello

A quick update.

I just signed up to the Gym.
Bunch of machines and of course attractive women, big butts, fit and good looking. I was scared of getting into a relapse. The women were there doing some crazy exercises with their butt in the air, it was hard not to look, strangely I did not get any bored even though I found them very attractive.

This flatline is very scary, nevertheless I'm there to exercise and not getting my hopes up of striking a conversation, still my confidence is not up there.
Getting a little bit depressed because this endeavour since like it's taking forever and the erections are gone with the exception maybe in the early morning, but that's it.
Porn seriously messed up my brain circuitry.
Keep holding..

 

[xtc14]

Hello,

Is it normal to get waves of depression, like not wanting to talk to people or to approach women? I find it depressive that I've been no fapping for almost 25 days and I've not approached girls I find attractive, a thing it has been buggered me all my life. Should I try to force the approach, my social life is almost nonexistent and also zero friends to hang out with.

 

[phoenix0015]

Hello xtc14,

As per my experience,  waves of depression are quite possible so don't worry about them. I think it's part of dopamine level re balancing. But don't focus too much on PMO and addiction. Focus completely on making yourself a better person. Your own growth.
Having a social life will help. Make new friends. Don't create too much pressure on yourself to just talk to girls only and to date them. Be yourself and look for friends. If things go well one of these friends might become a special one.

Keep it up buddy. Best of Luck.

 

[cinefile77]

It's probably a combination of things bringing you down. Porn addiction can take the place of a social life, so when you don't have it anymore it's going to be a rough change. Also, as xtc14 said, your dopamine is changing. Porn brings it to such a high level and repeatedly, like a drug. Give it time and it will get better. It's well worth the wait.

Also, I can see you're in the market for hot women, but hopefully you can find some guy friends to hang out with, grab a beer, talk, watch sports or whatever you're into. That should help occupy some of your time and the interaction should make you feel a bit better.  I didn't really have anyone to hang with either because I can't really talk about sports. Luckily a good friend came along who I can talk to. He knows the deal and has had another friend dealing with it too oddly enough.  Some may disagree but I think seeing hot women at the gym is way better than staring for hours at a screen trying to find the right one. At least the gym ones are real.

Good luck though. It's good that you're getting exercise. That's helped my dopamine over the last several months.

 

[xtc14]

Hey thanks for the reply guys.

I also forgot to mention I live far from my family, and just recently in these days I got a job offering in a town nearby my home city so I would be seeing more of my family, pets. However, yes I do need a more social life, all I do is go to work, go to gym and then home again.

 

[xtc14]

It's been a while since I posted

But unfortunately failed the no FAP strike at day 40 with a woman from my work that I had a crush, was only a fling, nothing emotional. I regret having sex because that triggered me wanting to have release again with masturbation, then eventually with porn.

I relocated to a new job and fapped almost everyday due to stress and being alone.

Here I go again