My Support Group

[straighteningup]

I've started this before, but never so publicly. I know I need the help and support, so here I stand.

I'm a 34-year-old man, married with four great kids. My family is my life, but it continues to have my attention torn away by an addition to PMO. It's really gotten bad over the years, to the point where it has manifested itself in going further and further into stuff I really don't want to have any part in. Sometimes on work trips, I've gone so far as to explore CL posts and have had a couple of meetups and messed around with a couple of other guys in similar situations. I have to stop this. I want to be the man that I should be for my wife and for my kids. Guys, that's what I've learned about how far our brains can take this in wanting to go further and further into the sketchy and unthinkable.

Yesterday, I went to Confession (a big step for me personally), talked about this, and got the forgiveness I needed from my God and my Church. The priest encouraged me to think about and seriously consider a support group like SA or psychotherapy, and having run across this before, I decided I should probably try to make a stop here first. So this is my support group. Today is Day #2 and I'm in this for the long haul, with the help and support of the others here.

Did I use porn today?
NO

What were my triggers?
Literally just walking around my house is a trigger sometimes right now.

How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
I took a walk outside. Hugged and kissed my wife.

What am I grateful for today?
My wife and kids. The beautiful weather.

Day counter!
2

 

[Crespo]

Excellent start!

We share the same motivation. Being a better man for my family is top of my list of reasons to quit as well.

Keep checking in on here daily. I have found the process quite cathartic in just giving me some space to vent my thoughts that would otherwise remain buried.

Good luck!

 

[straighteningup]

Crespo, thank you for the reply. I can see from your journal that you're on a similar journey for sure. You keep up the good work too, man.

I'm sitting here on a gorgeous day (outside), my Day 3. All is going well.

I'm discovering that I have a trigger that just clicks in my brain. It's not associated with anything in particular, but I literally just suddenly occasionally think, "I need to go watch some P." For now, it's working to just laugh at the thought and think that I'm bigger than that now, and there are other things I'd rather be doing.

 

[straighteningup]

Feeling great! Just tipped over a week going strong here. I've read a few guys on here that have said that the more you think about it the harder it is. I've found that to be true. I haven't been around here a lot because of that (sorry, guys), and I also find that if I think, "I've gotta head back to whatever-old-porn-site.com", I just immediately change my mind and focus on something else that I need to get done, something more productive and in line with my goals.

Question, though. It's a lot harder to shake the ongoing feeling that I really need to jo. As soon as I think about it, my balls start to ache, sometimes for up to an hour, and I go back and forth from hard to semi-hard and just can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to - I want to go cold turkey with this and save myself just for my wife, but what do you guys think?

 

[joe_ireland]

Hey straighteningup, personally I would suggest you ignore the urges as far as possible. You yourself said you want to save yourself for your wife. How are you doing now?