Hello everybody this is my first post to this forum. I am a 32 year old male, and I have been fapping everyday from the age of 6 to 32...so basically 25 to 26 years straight of just fapping. (yes i know it seems crazy at that age, not sure why but thats another topic). Okay so here is the deal, I lost my virginity at the age of 23, I was raised with pretty conservative values and wanted to marry this girl. However this girl was 7 years older than me at the time, and she was into alot of fetishes, she was very kinky. I didnt start watching porn until i was about 17 to 18. Even when I watched I wouldnt call it an addiction, infact I was more addicted to playing Online Video games. Video Gaming was my most dreadfull addiction from the age of 16 until 26. (a good 10 year addiction, that almost ruined my life) However what Id do is, id stop video games....then replace that void with porn....then id stop porn and replace it with gaming....it was usually 1 or the other, then i got createive and used a double monitor set up and did both at once. Yes I was pathetic.
Let me give you guys an idea on how bad I was. These numbers are not the slightest made up, i even kept a log because I always knew i had an issue. Most days id fap 7 times a day minium, usually 10+. If it was the weekends or holidays...or my day off....id fap for 18 hours a day straight. Or id do edging for HOURS (edging, getting to height of orgasm but just stopping short) I knew I was sick....then when i was with my gf, i could last forever with sex, but could never orgasm with a woman. I felt the woman was not tight enough. Let me explain my unorthadox method of masterbation.
I would take a clean T-shirt....cup both hands on the tshirt...and use that on my penis, so when im done the Tshirt would catch it. I would have a Tshirt for everyday of the week known as my "fap shirts" I was ashamed everytime I washed them knowing exactly what they will be used for (looking back i never realized how bad i really was) However my sex life was still GREAT (even thought i never really cum inside woman) Infact when I was the age of 29 I met the love of my life...and even stopped fapping and minimized porn for awhile. The sex got better and better ( i shall even say perfect) Then life hit me....I found out on paper she was still married (to a rich guy) and she would not leave him for the money. I was at the age of 32....lost the love of my life...and slipped into a depression.
One day i decided to treat myself to a trip to Cancun, thinking it would lift my spirits. Here I am on a beautiful Cancun beach, I am in great health and in good shape...and im in a hotel room with highspeed internet. Guess what I did ? Yep you guessed it...i stayed in my hotel room for 3 days straight...fapping...only stopping for Food, Drink and naps ! Thats right NO SLEEP ...id take an hour nap...drink water....start fapping....then if im thirsty ill get a drink...id even skip showering...just non stop fap fap fap. I was out of control. So then on day 4 i stopped, went down to a cafe and met a beautiful woman. We talked casual, and then the next day things got hot and heavy. Normally I was a champ...i could stay hard for HOURS, literally 2 hours was normal for me, even longer. Well not this time....I choked....nothing....not hard, if it did get hard it would only stay hard for maybe 10 seconds. I had no idea what I had done. I paniced, contacted a doctor and he didnt know either. I started an app counter on my phone....this happened to me exactly 205 days ago.
So i do some searching and found out about YBOP and Rebooting, and I gotta tell you, it was tough (not the porn part) You see, I am not addicted to porn honestly. I was usually addicted to going onto facebook and chatting with women and talking really dirty to them. It was a strange fetish of mine to talk dirty with girls on twitter, facebook, and even instagram direct messages. No nudity, no porn...just talk.
So I got the dreaded flatline, freaked out, and used porn to force orgams. I realized now that was bad, but here is why I am now on this forum. 25 days ago I went Hard-Mode, I didnt fap, no porn, no nothing. On the 25th day (this day) I just relapsed. No I did not use porn...but I got on skype and started talking kinky with a woman. The surged kicked in...i was out of my flat line...and I fapped. 4 days prior i started an edging habit. So after I orgasmed from talking to this skype girl...I had realized I dont feel as good as I should. I realized maybe i do need to be on a forum, maybe I do need to share my story.
I could care less about porn....but its been 205 days since my ED, and its been a tough journey. Those 25 days of no Fantasy, no fap made me feel empowered. I reset the day counter app on my phone, and this time I am looking to beat my record of 25 days straight. Today is a new day, a fresh start. I have deactivated all of my social media accounts, and I have taken away my internet connection in my house. I am writing this on my lunch break at work.
My hopes of these drastic measures, is that i starve any type of feeding to my brain for these kinky talks i enjoy (with occasional sexy photos or even porn) Yes when i was younger i watched crazy kinky porn, things straight men shouldnt even like. However lately ive been into the Texting or "sexting" and it gets me surging. So I must stop.
Is my situation similiar to anybody else here ? This is the first time ive told the world my story, thank you for this forum.
P.S. I still have ED and still not cured, hopefully ill be 100% back to normal soon. Day 1 all over again of reboot
Let me give you guys an idea on how bad I was. These numbers are not the slightest made up, i even kept a log because I always knew i had an issue. Most days id fap 7 times a day minium, usually 10+. If it was the weekends or holidays...or my day off....id fap for 18 hours a day straight. Or id do edging for HOURS (edging, getting to height of orgasm but just stopping short) I knew I was sick....then when i was with my gf, i could last forever with sex, but could never orgasm with a woman. I felt the woman was not tight enough. Let me explain my unorthadox method of masterbation.
I would take a clean T-shirt....cup both hands on the tshirt...and use that on my penis, so when im done the Tshirt would catch it. I would have a Tshirt for everyday of the week known as my "fap shirts" I was ashamed everytime I washed them knowing exactly what they will be used for (looking back i never realized how bad i really was) However my sex life was still GREAT (even thought i never really cum inside woman) Infact when I was the age of 29 I met the love of my life...and even stopped fapping and minimized porn for awhile. The sex got better and better ( i shall even say perfect) Then life hit me....I found out on paper she was still married (to a rich guy) and she would not leave him for the money. I was at the age of 32....lost the love of my life...and slipped into a depression.
One day i decided to treat myself to a trip to Cancun, thinking it would lift my spirits. Here I am on a beautiful Cancun beach, I am in great health and in good shape...and im in a hotel room with highspeed internet. Guess what I did ? Yep you guessed it...i stayed in my hotel room for 3 days straight...fapping...only stopping for Food, Drink and naps ! Thats right NO SLEEP ...id take an hour nap...drink water....start fapping....then if im thirsty ill get a drink...id even skip showering...just non stop fap fap fap. I was out of control. So then on day 4 i stopped, went down to a cafe and met a beautiful woman. We talked casual, and then the next day things got hot and heavy. Normally I was a champ...i could stay hard for HOURS, literally 2 hours was normal for me, even longer. Well not this time....I choked....nothing....not hard, if it did get hard it would only stay hard for maybe 10 seconds. I had no idea what I had done. I paniced, contacted a doctor and he didnt know either. I started an app counter on my phone....this happened to me exactly 205 days ago.
So i do some searching and found out about YBOP and Rebooting, and I gotta tell you, it was tough (not the porn part) You see, I am not addicted to porn honestly. I was usually addicted to going onto facebook and chatting with women and talking really dirty to them. It was a strange fetish of mine to talk dirty with girls on twitter, facebook, and even instagram direct messages. No nudity, no porn...just talk.
So I got the dreaded flatline, freaked out, and used porn to force orgams. I realized now that was bad, but here is why I am now on this forum. 25 days ago I went Hard-Mode, I didnt fap, no porn, no nothing. On the 25th day (this day) I just relapsed. No I did not use porn...but I got on skype and started talking kinky with a woman. The surged kicked in...i was out of my flat line...and I fapped. 4 days prior i started an edging habit. So after I orgasmed from talking to this skype girl...I had realized I dont feel as good as I should. I realized maybe i do need to be on a forum, maybe I do need to share my story.
I could care less about porn....but its been 205 days since my ED, and its been a tough journey. Those 25 days of no Fantasy, no fap made me feel empowered. I reset the day counter app on my phone, and this time I am looking to beat my record of 25 days straight. Today is a new day, a fresh start. I have deactivated all of my social media accounts, and I have taken away my internet connection in my house. I am writing this on my lunch break at work.
My hopes of these drastic measures, is that i starve any type of feeding to my brain for these kinky talks i enjoy (with occasional sexy photos or even porn) Yes when i was younger i watched crazy kinky porn, things straight men shouldnt even like. However lately ive been into the Texting or "sexting" and it gets me surging. So I must stop.
Is my situation similiar to anybody else here ? This is the first time ive told the world my story, thank you for this forum.
P.S. I still have ED and still not cured, hopefully ill be 100% back to normal soon. Day 1 all over again of reboot