pffft...

[chickaboomski]

When you don't know, its ignorance, you don't know what you don't know. When you know and think things will  be different for you because you know, thats arrogance... This is my confession. And maybe, just maybe... It is also yours.

 

[Chaos Mind]

Interesting, I just learned that in the English language there is a separation between "ignorance" and "wilfull ignorance". I was about to say that not knowing something does not necessarily mean you are ignorant, because it might be you really just don't have a clue.

So your second argument is: you know about it, but still you think your situation is different and things will be better for you than for others - that is arrogance. Maybe that's a bit too harsh. We like to believe in the good things. We are trained to believe in our partners, even in situations where logic tells us we are wrong. Women who are married to smokers (and the other way round of course) might also know that there is a high risk of lung cancer and that probably they will spend the last years on earth alone. Still they want to believe that their husbands will be one of the exceptions. They rationalize and say "others take drugs or drink way too much...so that's ok if he only smokes". That's not arrogance but a way to get along and not worry 24/7.

Furthermore, women have a good reason to believe that things will change. Because many do. Those men who change are here - hundreds of them. And they share their story and maybe also inspire women like you on how to make their husbands and boyfriends stop their addiction.

 

[notconsonent]

I'm reading a post that has a lot of knowledge that I am. I was disappointed to read the other.

 

[Gracie]

Yet we cannot MAKE them stop their addiction.  They have to realize the damage they have done to themselves, their marriage and their wives.  They have to be willing to listen to what the damage is.  They have to participate willingly in repairing the damage by working with their wife.  And perhaps have the wise words of my husband in their mind:  "Whatever it takes however long it takes.'  Somehow I believe that just by hearing the words, it has made the time shorter and made things more manageable as we worked through this.  Although I did not hear them until a full year had passed after discovery.

 

[chickaboomski]

This was my last post before I deleted that account. I was in a very dark place. I don't  want to bring people down and realized afterwards that it was not appropriate. When I couldn't delete the thread, I deleted my account. Yes it was harsh. While pregnant with my first child, my doctor actually advised me against doing prenatal classes. Her words were ignorance  is bliss. And also in reality, each and everyones experience is unique to themselves. While educating the ideal way things should go, does not cover how it willactually go for everyone. So being ignorant to what what the problem was in my relationship was a case of ignorance was bliss. I didn't know what I didn't know, so in comparison to knowing and the pain. Yes it was bliss.
So, then I knew. A world full of pain. My SO did not confess to me. I found out as I felt things were not right. I started to dig for answers and become a detective. When I knew what the problem was, I arrogantly assumed if I changed situations that it would lead him back to me, without having to confront the issue. I was so arrogant to think that because his PIED was delayed ejaculation. I could fix it without even confronting him on the issue. I was ignorant to the facts of addiction is addiction amd I was arrogant enough to think I knew what the problem was, I could change it. So for the boot on the other foot from my SO's perspective. He didn't  know I had a problem. He didn't know I was dying inside. Until I was so deep in depression and riddled with anxiety I left a big long message for him early one morning when I went to work. He acknowledged it had damaged us. He was ignorant to think he wasn't addicted. Then was arrogant enough hide it. Knowing that I knew and it hurt me, he knew the ways I would find out and began to cover his tracks. This whole short sweet post was not meant to offend anyone. It was an insecure burst of a woman in pain. So please take it as nothing personal. It was a reference to my situation and my SO's. It was a checkpoint of where I was. It was a grab at being strong and reaching for a raw ruthless state of mind in order to confront him yet again and be one way or the other. He can not have both. It is something he has to do. I can not make him face this, or help him to fix this unless he is willing to. I was ignorant. I was arrogant. And so was he. We are smack bang only just entering the storm. The journey is only beginning and fear had me paralyzed.

 

[sodonewithit]

No one judges anyone here.  The spot you are in is not fair and this is all I can add.  I hope you find a better spot and your guy steps up.  It took some light to go off for me but sadly I really don't know what, why or how.  There are lots of stories here of guys totally screwing everything up for porn but most didn't know. 

I send my thoughts for you.