Jason
Member
Hello gentlemen, it has been a few weeks since I have posted or been on Reboot Nation and it shows because last night I had a close call! I had been emotionally upset about some things and I had fallen asleep on our living room couch and a movie my wife and I had watched the day before together. I found myself waking up in the middle of the night and momentarily going to a scene in the film for a few minutes to take a quick peek.
However, I didn't masturbate or orgasm and I do not even thing I edged but I would say I was moving in that direction pretty damn fast but instead I went to bed. Since I haven't looked at anything sexual in nature in quite awhile the effect was like my memory section inside my cranium received a burning sensation. It felt something like touching a hot stove and the nerve receptors respond by sending pain signals shattering terrible pain and strong sensations of electrical impulses throughout the body.
However what I felt was the powerful force of lust inside of my body trying to take control. Additionally the image stayed there for quite awhile inside the memory section of my brain the next day until it finally dissipated in the evening. I couldn?t shake the damn image from my mind and I thought about completely relapsing because of the overwhelming feelings of shame that rushed violently upon me like a psychopath that stalks its victim in the darkness of the night screaming inside my head ?Relapse you son of bitch.?
In the grace of God I didn?t relapse but I admit I feel like a complete failure so here I am humbled. As I calm myself down and surround myself with brothers like you brothers on Reboot Nation who fight the same war as I do. I must say I feel the weight of the sword of my resolve and it is heavy in my heart. Though, I find myself dazed, frustrated, hurt, sad and angry but at the same time with tears I am resting behind ?The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2 English Standard Version (ESV).
However, I didn't masturbate or orgasm and I do not even thing I edged but I would say I was moving in that direction pretty damn fast but instead I went to bed. Since I haven't looked at anything sexual in nature in quite awhile the effect was like my memory section inside my cranium received a burning sensation. It felt something like touching a hot stove and the nerve receptors respond by sending pain signals shattering terrible pain and strong sensations of electrical impulses throughout the body.
However what I felt was the powerful force of lust inside of my body trying to take control. Additionally the image stayed there for quite awhile inside the memory section of my brain the next day until it finally dissipated in the evening. I couldn?t shake the damn image from my mind and I thought about completely relapsing because of the overwhelming feelings of shame that rushed violently upon me like a psychopath that stalks its victim in the darkness of the night screaming inside my head ?Relapse you son of bitch.?
In the grace of God I didn?t relapse but I admit I feel like a complete failure so here I am humbled. As I calm myself down and surround myself with brothers like you brothers on Reboot Nation who fight the same war as I do. I must say I feel the weight of the sword of my resolve and it is heavy in my heart. Though, I find myself dazed, frustrated, hurt, sad and angry but at the same time with tears I am resting behind ?The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2 English Standard Version (ESV).