Since I started fighting my addiction I can tell I've become more attractive to woman. I am already a pretty good-looking guy and women often come to me for attention. Add in the increased confidence and ability to be social that quitting PMO brings and I find that woman are all over me. At my work, for example, there are several women who I can tell are very attracted to me. Two of them in particular I find incredibly attractive and they both give me intimate hugs every day. One of them calls me 'boyfriend' and the other calls me 'handsome,' 'beautiful,' etc. whenever she sees me. Today I got a hug from the latter and I told her she gives the best hugs. She looked at me and smiled and said "I give the best kisses too..." as she walked away. I could tell this was a come on and it really turned me on. She is so fine, fantastic body and pretty face. When I got home I had some intense urges to MO while thinking of her. Ultimately, a cold shower and a nap helped to keep me in check but I see her just about every day (5-6 days a week) and I think things might start intensifying. I don't know whether it would be bad to MO while fantasizing about having sex with her or if I should continue to fight the urges. Not fantasizing at all is more difficult to me than quitting PMO. It's easy to control my body and not pull up a website but not thinking about sleeping with a beautiful woman who is obviously into me is a whole new level of self-control. Any advice?
To Fantasize or to Fight it
- Thread starter gtl923
- Start date
True I should just go for the real thing. Now the question becomes which one should I ask out and which one do I piss off? Guess I gotta figure that one out myself... Along with how to find time and money to do the whole 'going out' thing. Haven't had much experience with that to be honest.
^^I agree. Whether or not I'm single or married (I am married) women are not objects to fulfill my sexual thirst. I've realized that if I'm only interested in someone for their body than I am not rebooting for the right reasons. Cutting out porn is but a symptom of the larger issue of my inability to see people as human beings. We are much more than skin deep. Maybe date this girl, without the intention of having sex. Sex and intimacy, in my view, are very different things.
qrayzHD
Active Member
We aren't trying to deny our sexuality here, fantasy has always been part of a natural sexuality for both genders, porn is different in the way it objectifies women and men because they are physically and emotionally hurt and so that is the thing we should be avoiding. Fantasy during the reboot is controversial, some experts say that fantasy about a real partner might be good for you and help you rewire, but some say it might be bad for you so it's best to stay away. The science isn't clear yet so the decision is ultimately yours to make.
Yeah, I definitely don't want to objectify women and I know I do which is why I'm here and why I'm quitting PMO. On the other hand, I don't see anything wrong with two people having casual sex if that's what they are both interested in. I'm just trying to determine the line between objectification and natural physical attraction. I guess the question is will having casual sex with this woman set me back? I have reason to believe that's really what she's interested in. However, the other woman may be interested in more, I can't really tell with her. And I'm just not sure what exactly I'm looking for right now. I know I'm not in a position to be in a serious, long term relationship (I'm definitely not tryin to get married anytime soon) but I still want intimacy.
I should also note that I don't just want to 'get in and get out' as in I don't enjoy sex if it's only about reaching O. I like foreplay and one of my favorite sexual acts is eating a woman out and giving her pleasure. I can't get turned on if I'm know my partner is not enjoying herself.
I should also note that I don't just want to 'get in and get out' as in I don't enjoy sex if it's only about reaching O. I like foreplay and one of my favorite sexual acts is eating a woman out and giving her pleasure. I can't get turned on if I'm know my partner is not enjoying herself.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
You don't wa t intimacy, you want to screw. If that is what the other person wants, that is fine. But don't assume that. Just because a woman fkirts it diesn't mean that she wants to jump in bed. She might actually like you. Date a woman to get to know her.. sex is a bonus.
R
Rebootr
Guest
I think it depends what you are both looking for.... I don't see anything wrong with casual sex as your not watching porn, you are having a connection with a woman in real life. Surely it's a step forward. If she is interested in going out somewhere for a date you could end up having a nice few evenings fun both in and out of bed - who knows how it will go - if you were just meeting a random hook up for sex that maybe would be different as there objectifying issue is there but two consenting adults out for a laugh and maybe more is surely ok!
Thanks all for the advice. I realize this reply is a bit delayed but better late than never!
I want to give an update on the situation. I've had some interesting experiences with the woman I've been talking about. A few days after my original post I started thinking about sleeping with her. She soon started to back off; not coming to give me hugs, mostly ignoring me, etc. I felt like an ass and realized I was thinking the wrong way. So I stopped thinking that way. I still find her very attractive but I don't think about sleeping with her. And what'dya know? She walked straight up to me one day, gave me a big hug and literally said:"I missed you baby." Crazy I know. A couple days after that we had a good conversation and she actually seemed like she was more nervous than me. In fact, I hardly felt nervous at all. This leads me to conclude that it's all about how you think. That will guide how you act both consciously and subconsciously. And wonderful things can happen when you stop thinking in creepy and perverted ways.
Anywho, I will update as the situation develops further. Not tryin to push anything right now. Just gonna go with the flow.
I want to give an update on the situation. I've had some interesting experiences with the woman I've been talking about. A few days after my original post I started thinking about sleeping with her. She soon started to back off; not coming to give me hugs, mostly ignoring me, etc. I felt like an ass and realized I was thinking the wrong way. So I stopped thinking that way. I still find her very attractive but I don't think about sleeping with her. And what'dya know? She walked straight up to me one day, gave me a big hug and literally said:"I missed you baby." Crazy I know. A couple days after that we had a good conversation and she actually seemed like she was more nervous than me. In fact, I hardly felt nervous at all. This leads me to conclude that it's all about how you think. That will guide how you act both consciously and subconsciously. And wonderful things can happen when you stop thinking in creepy and perverted ways.
Anywho, I will update as the situation develops further. Not tryin to push anything right now. Just gonna go with the flow.