happyTrails
New Member
I am very glad to have found this community. I have been married for nearly 15 years and we have two great kids-11 and 6. What I have been doing to my wife is best described as robbing her (and us) of several years of intimacy.
Like many here in the 40+ category, internet porn has not always been a part of our "porn experience". I can remember looking at Playboy magazines that friends had found in their dad's closet as far back as middle school. While magazines were always around through adolescence, I ditched them without issue whenever I had a serious girlfriend. Fast forward-I got married in 2000. We got an internet account around 2002. And that is where i discovered this beast we are all fighting against.
At first, it did not seem to interfere, but as the years went on I would find myself having trouble cumming with my wife during sex. I first attributed it to a mental block. Then as it became a pattern I assumed I was "over-thinking it" because I had trouble cumming the last time. Downward spiral until I "woke up" and realized I have not made love to my wife in 7 months. Turns out I was right about it being mental, but for the first time I now understand what that mental block was being caused by. My neurological pathways have been compromised by internet porn.
I came clean with my wife and she was devastated. She felt robbed of that time, cheated on, betrayed-you get the picture. I was terrified I was headed for divorce. My family means the world to me. She has made it clear to me that she will not tolerate this. I know that I need to kick this habit FOR GOOD. We are independently going to start counseling and I pray to find the strength to put this shit behind me.
I am grateful for this community and the support that I hope it will offer as I begin my journey. I would use porn in waves and while I would average only about a couple times per week, it has been going on for years. I need a reboot to fix our marriage. Today is my 8th day without porn and I look forward to the day I can proudly say it is my 800th.
Thank you for your time and interest. Keep up the good fight all.
Like many here in the 40+ category, internet porn has not always been a part of our "porn experience". I can remember looking at Playboy magazines that friends had found in their dad's closet as far back as middle school. While magazines were always around through adolescence, I ditched them without issue whenever I had a serious girlfriend. Fast forward-I got married in 2000. We got an internet account around 2002. And that is where i discovered this beast we are all fighting against.
At first, it did not seem to interfere, but as the years went on I would find myself having trouble cumming with my wife during sex. I first attributed it to a mental block. Then as it became a pattern I assumed I was "over-thinking it" because I had trouble cumming the last time. Downward spiral until I "woke up" and realized I have not made love to my wife in 7 months. Turns out I was right about it being mental, but for the first time I now understand what that mental block was being caused by. My neurological pathways have been compromised by internet porn.
I came clean with my wife and she was devastated. She felt robbed of that time, cheated on, betrayed-you get the picture. I was terrified I was headed for divorce. My family means the world to me. She has made it clear to me that she will not tolerate this. I know that I need to kick this habit FOR GOOD. We are independently going to start counseling and I pray to find the strength to put this shit behind me.
I am grateful for this community and the support that I hope it will offer as I begin my journey. I would use porn in waves and while I would average only about a couple times per week, it has been going on for years. I need a reboot to fix our marriage. Today is my 8th day without porn and I look forward to the day I can proudly say it is my 800th.
Thank you for your time and interest. Keep up the good fight all.
