Living my life my way

[hateporn21]

Hi all,

I am not new here. I have been struggling. I want to change and I know I can. I am starting this new post. My last reboot lasted around 34 days before I went back to pmoing. I want to live my life my way and that will be without pmoing. In past few months I have made several promises to myself not to pmo. Sometimes these promises lasted around 18 days and sometimes not even 2 days. I have read a lot, become aware about the problem. I want to change. I need your help guys. I am starting my reboot. Today was my first day. I dont want to do any of pmoing now.

Guys please help me. I lack in confidence right now. I feel guilty. I feel dejected. I feel out of the league. I am worried about my future. I feel that my habit will never go away. I feel I am a slave of my habit and my perverted mind. I feel that I am trapped forever. These are general thoughts that are coming to me as I write. Please infuse me with confidence. Please tell me that I have a way out. Please let me know that I should not be worried. Please tell me ways that can help me. Please tell me that I can have a normal life.

I want to get rid of PIED forever. I want to lead a normal life. Get married and have children. I want to be successful. I want to be confident in whatever I do. I want to be focused. I want to be free from the thought that I have something wrong down there. I want to be at peace with myself. I want to be at peace with my thoughts. I ask nothing extra-ordinary.

Thank you guys for paying attention and reading through the post.
Regards

 

[Philgood63]

Hi dude,

I totally understand what you mean, I got myself quite into the same mess and now I try to find my way out since monthes. I came on this forum because there are so many guys telling their success story in this struggle that it gives me confidence. If they did it, why can't we do ? I tell you this whereas I relapsed just a few minutes ago, but, the difference with "before" is that now I stopped feeling guilty, OK I made a mistake, OK this does not lead me to success, but... now I know it will take time and that I won't be healed fast, and I accept it. And I'm sure feeling guilty does not help at all : Would you feel guilty if you suffered from depression (I do), or any other mental illness ? No, because it's only chemicals in our brain that do not properly work, there's nothing to be ashamed of, we just have to be cured. It seems to me that this addiction is the same : it has kind of destroyed our dopamine circuit, and now our brain behaves like if it was "damaged" (and in a way, it is really damaged). Shame will not change anything to this fact. Now when I relapse I just note it and say "I've made a mistake, which lesson can I learn from this ? Which trigger did I face ? Shouldn't I have gone outside rather than wandering near the computer ?" I feel there's a way out of this, keep going man !

 

[PornRecoverer2015]

Hi
I've been on here a few weeks now, have managed 90 days without PMO'ing which is a first for me. Currently in a bit of a flatline and looking forward to coming out again. What's kept me going and motivated is that firstly I'm not alone - loads of guys are going through the same thing, and secondly once I read up on how the brain works, how I had a dopamine addiction and the harm I was causing to my mind when PMOing it was enough to make me stop, which gave me a good argument to have with my brain when it tried to say "go one just have another look, it won't hurt" ...when now I know it will and it does.
Good luck in your recovery - keep strong, and keep going.

 

[Bryan]

Avoiding that first glance is key.  And it's such a clear indication of the nature of the addiction and the way we come to need dopamine.  The whole "I promise myself I won't actually M today, I just want to browse for a minute or two and then I'll walk away" mental justification was a chronic problem for me.  Especially dangerous because I didn't realize at the time the reasons my mind was working that way.  Good luck and keep us posted, hateporn21.

 

[joe_ireland]

Forget about the feelings of guilt and shame. They might serve at some point but not at the moment. Focus on why you have this addiction, what brings the urge on and draw up a battle-plan to overcome it. Of course you can beat this addiction, but maybe you need to spend time struggling with it, looking at yourself, who you are, your motivations etc. This whole process will make you a better man. Remember, it is the journey that counts as much as the ending>

 

[phoenix0015]

Hello hateporn21,

First of all congratulations on starting this journey again. You are already ahead of thousands of people who suffer from PMO addiction and are not doing anything about it.
Yes you can very much do it. You can everything you want and much more.
Don't worry about small defeats in this battle of Life.... they will come and go. Focus completely on becoming a better person each day. By fighting PMO you will remember it every day. So instead just forget it, ignore it and focus on what new and different you want to do in life. Have affirmative goals, like ai want to get into shape or I want to learn guitar or I want to excel in my job and then focus on that.
And personally,  exercise and meditation helps in recovery. So you can try that.

Best of luck... my wishes and prayers are with you...

 

[hateporn21]

Hi guys,

Thank you for all the support. It means a lot to me.

After coming to know of this forum and yourbrainonporn.com, I have gained a lot of knowledge and become aware of the problem and solutions to get it corrected. Thanks to all the guys who started this forums. For me they are messengers of God.

This age of mankind is in deep trouble. We are staring at a big black hole. Problems with porn related ED appear to be very threatening all through the globe. Modern medicine and psychology has not evolved enough to find ways to cure ED. Its only few of these forums, few online videos and some literature that is available. Though these are very helpful, yet, they are only available when the problem is too severe or boils out of control and that too when people like us who search the internet for porn, start searching the same internet for causes of ED, cures of ED etc. In addition, I don't know the reason that when porn is so bad, why porn related ED is not highlighted as much. Why there is no news about this or no programs running on TV remains a question of concern.

I want to help people here. I want to be your friend, your buddy. Though I am in third day of my reboot, but I believe that if we speak to each other and open up, we can help each other more. I am very positive about curing myself and I believe that if the ED is porn induced then it can definitely be cured. However, all is takes time and patience. Also, the time for curing ED may vary for person to person. In 2014 I did a reboot for around 120 days, and around the 60th day I felt cured. I want to live my life to the fullest. Pursue my goals, my passions and have a family.

I turned 31 in march. If anyone of you wants to be a buddy, you are most welcome. With that we can help each other, share our thoughts with each other and keep a check .

At present it seems that I have hit a flat line already. Lets see how many days this flat line lasts.

Be confident guys. All will be good soon.

 

[Philgood63]

Do not worry, you already have a lot of friends here, and you already help us all by sharing your story, your thoughts, your doubts, your upcoming success, everything... So, keep on telling us how things go by for you, make your journal alive, that's a good way to keep the focus despite the difficulties.

 

[hateporn21]

Hi Philgood

Thank you for your valuable words. Its always so good to hear from someone. I understand that we are all friends here, sharing a journey towards a common goal.

It was 3.5 years ago that I came to know that I have ED. For around a year, I could not do anything about it. Then I met a medical practitioner who prescribed me certain drugs. Though my performance improved but only for the time I was having those drugs. The problem was still there after I had completed my course. I kept on searching for my problem and possible solutions and it was one day after around 2 years I discovered my ED that I stumbled upon www.yourbrainonporn.com. I immediately quit all artificial stuff and started my first reboot. Important point to note here is that I was not addicted to watching videos but I was addicted towards reading and then online chatting. I believe all kind of porn whether video, audio, pictures, books or mere imagining can harm the system. I believe that most of you will concur with this. Good thing that we know now is that it can be cured. Provided we have a strong will power and keep our self away from all artificial stimulation.

Well that was my first reboot and it lasted for around 5 months before an event in my personal life made me fall into the trap again. Those 5 months were great though as they taught me that I can be cured provided I dont fall into the trap. From that day I have tried many reboots however till now not succeeded in holding on to them. However, I believe I have become a lot sober than before. I have been keeping my self a lot busy.

I am on the 7th day now. Going good till now.

Keep trucking guys. Bye

 

[hateporn21]

Hello brothers,

Hope all are doing well in their recovery. I want to share something with you all. Recently I read a book about confidential talks with young men. As the title suggests, the book is about masturbation. There are many take always in the book but one take away which we all can learn is as follows:

There can be three things that may lead us to indulge in masturbation and orgasiming, they are:

1. Sitting idle
2. I'll imagining
3. Worrying

It works for me. These three have been my triggers. So let's stop and do the opposite. We can discuss more about them if anyone of you is interested. Do let me know. Keep trucking guys. Good luck.

 

[Philgood63]

Yes, worrying is probably the worst, if I relate to my experience. I have this natural tendency to turn things into black, even when there is no real purpose worrying, and it often pushed me to PMO. Sometimes not exactely at the moment, and not in a conscious manner, but for sure worrying about things have always put me in a state of mood that leads me to PMO.

Since I've figured out that fact, I try to fight this worrying attitude. That's not easy. First thing I try to stick to is to simply notice when I'm worrying about something, rather than letting it grasp all my mind. Sometimes I even say it loud "Hey, man, WTF are you worrying about ? Will you solve anything that way ? No, so, stop it... c'mon, let's think about something positive". At the beginning it sounds "forced", quite strange, but I notice progress since then.

 

[hateporn21]

Yes, you are right philgood. You seem to know a lot how your mind works and thats good. We just need to keep a watch on our brains.

I read somewhere that if you are worrying for something then there are only two possibilites. If the solution is possible then make an effort and do the possible and if the solution is not possible then stop worrying as it is not possible. So no point in worrying.

I have completed 10 days. Still a long way to go. I am up for it. I cannot fall back. I am not a slave of my mind but its master. I need to be calm and stop worrying. I need to keep myself busy and not sit idle or free. I need to keep a check on my thoughts. No ill thoughts allowed. Need to keep myself busy exercising in mornings and office during the day. Weekdays dont seem to be a problem. Need to keep this machine through which I am writing at office. Need to minimize TV time and focus more on reading. I can do it. Just wait and let each day pass. Its easy.

Thank u guys for reading.

 

[Fappy]

Ten days is a great effort. Now do ten more and youll be sitting easy.
Time passes and each day is another victory for you. Just sit back, keep your mind busy to fend off those demons, and before you know it you wont even be counting the days.

 

[hateporn21]

Day 14

Completing 2 weeks today. Want to continue this forever. The pursuit of no ED. Having constant mild headache since last 24 hours. Don't know if reboot is the cause or exceedingly hot climate here. Feeling a bit low as well. Don't know how the future is gonna be. Anyways there is nothing to worry about the future. Have lot work at office. Concentration has definitely increased. Also increased is social communication. Definitely staying away from pmo has lot of benefits.

Thanks guys for reading.

 

[joe_ireland]

Congrats on 2 weeks!

 

[Philgood63]

Very glad to hear that you completed 2 weeks and already feel the positive effects, that's gives more confidence for those of us who are struggling to get to these 2 weeks. We don't lose faith, so thanks to you and keep on going !

 

[hateporn21]

Hi all

I am fed up of starting over and over again. I dont know why I am not able to fight it. Last reboot could last only 15 days. Another after that lasted 5 days. Now I am starting again. I dont want to give in. It creates so much guilt. One lapse and it seems the road to recovery is nowhere to be seen. One lapse causes guilt which causes series of lapses. I hate it. I hate myself when I do it. I dont want to but I dont know how. Someone please tell me how to put blockers on my laptop. I need that badly.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Philgood63]

Hi Hateporn21,

To my opinion you should not be so harsh for yourself, it's normal to face highs and lows in this process, and relapse can't be considered as a failure. I mean, yes it's something we did not want, but the reboot is not a race, neither an examination, I much consider it as a healing process. When we get sick we don't consider it's a failure and a lapse not to heal fast, right ? We regret it, but we do not put shame on ourselves, we just try to be patient and keep on taking medication. To my opinion it's similar with reboot, and feeling shame and rage against yourself will not help you. I know it's hard to hear and I'm in the same case, but the only thing you have to do is trying over and over again. Those who succeed are just those who never give in despite the lapses and the difficulties. I wish you good luck, be strong and patient my friend !

PS : I'm really not an expert with computers and blockers, I just know that I installed Procon Latte Content Filter on my Firefox browser and I'm fine with it. What is really important is not the blocker itself, it's the fact that you cannot have easy access to the password ! (I have burnt the paper on which I wrote it !)

 

[hateporn21]

Hi guys

Thanks for the golden words Philgood. Really inspiring. Your words have given me a sense of confidence once again. As I read your words, I could feel my mind becoming strong and telling me to hold on one more time. Thanks a lot.

Today was day 4 of my reboot. I had a wet dream last night. Wet dreams dont make us feel guilty or bad. Rather they give a sense of relief. For a moment I even felt that wet dreams indicate that I am healing. Dont know how true it is. Well I personally believe, we are always healing until we fall back to our triggers.

Philgood I understand the need to be patient. I know there is a long way to go. There can be failures in coming days. But I dont need to give in. I just need to keep getting up every time I fall. Hope and pray that this time I dont fail. Fingers crossed.

 

[Philgood63]

I'm very glad to hear that my words have helped you, Hateporn21 ! And you know what ? While helping you I'm kind of helping myself at the same time ! Because it makes me feel better and forces me to keep clear about my thoughts, my goals, and my motivations. That's probably the best thing about this forum, each of us can help his brother, each time we feel a little bit "on top of the wave" we can give hand to those that are down at this moment. Maybe tomorrow I will feel less confident and you will help me. Together we can go through this tough journey !