Yetanotheraddict
Member
I've been aware that I have an issue with porn for quite a long time now. I started aroud 14. Now I am 20, soon 21. It's my third year living on my own, and it has clearly made it worse.
It's been harmful in many ways. I like masturbating and watching porn, but it all has gone too far.
It's utterly illogical, but it's often been an excuse to procrastinate. It's weird, because I often wanted to do something constructive yet had a lot of work to do, hence did not BUT ended up masturbating to porn for hours.
My studies are intense and stressful. When I first had ED, I thought that was it. But now, the truth is plain.
Not only am I mortified by the colossal amount of time I've wasted. Let's do the maths for the last three years. I've fapped at least every three days, for longer in the week-end. Let's say, and this is a somewhat low estimate, that it took me 1h30 twice a week, and 4h on the week-ends. There are 50 weeks per year, so that makes 3*50*7 = 1050 h wasted. Not even taking into account years from 14 to 18. That's so much. Had I spent that time learning something, I would be incredibly fucking good at it by now.
And that's probably the worst, but I've hurt myself and my somewhat weak wrists in the process. I have trouble doing push-ups because of a kyste that I have since (more than) three years ago.
Several times, countless times actually, I thought to myself : "that's it, it ends now". I even thought to seek psychological counseling but always dismissed it, finding a good reason, or simply looking the other way, denying my addiction. It's the first time I've plainly acknowledge it as I do now, writing it down.
I am alone at my place, and can't rely on anyone but myself to watch over me. It will be hard.
I nourish ambitions, that I know I have the potential to fulfill, but I am afraid it might be too late for me to join the school I dreamed of. I thought I would solve everything this year, but I haven't. I just have no will regarding my addiction, and it terrifies me. I am ashamed of it, I am ashamed of myself. It's an habit. I rarely start masturbating with a boner. CTRL+MAJ+P and entering a NSFW website are just so fucking easy things to do. I can imagine myself doing it right now. The steps of my addiction are just coming so quickly and easily in my mind. In a blink I see the whole process.
It ends now. I want to do something useful of my time. I want to feel fit, I am tired of being tired. I want to be strong, I don't want to be considered as someone you can step on by anyone ever again. I am going to look for information as to what to do now : time to reboot.
It's been harmful in many ways. I like masturbating and watching porn, but it all has gone too far.
It's utterly illogical, but it's often been an excuse to procrastinate. It's weird, because I often wanted to do something constructive yet had a lot of work to do, hence did not BUT ended up masturbating to porn for hours.
My studies are intense and stressful. When I first had ED, I thought that was it. But now, the truth is plain.
Not only am I mortified by the colossal amount of time I've wasted. Let's do the maths for the last three years. I've fapped at least every three days, for longer in the week-end. Let's say, and this is a somewhat low estimate, that it took me 1h30 twice a week, and 4h on the week-ends. There are 50 weeks per year, so that makes 3*50*7 = 1050 h wasted. Not even taking into account years from 14 to 18. That's so much. Had I spent that time learning something, I would be incredibly fucking good at it by now.
And that's probably the worst, but I've hurt myself and my somewhat weak wrists in the process. I have trouble doing push-ups because of a kyste that I have since (more than) three years ago.
Several times, countless times actually, I thought to myself : "that's it, it ends now". I even thought to seek psychological counseling but always dismissed it, finding a good reason, or simply looking the other way, denying my addiction. It's the first time I've plainly acknowledge it as I do now, writing it down.
I am alone at my place, and can't rely on anyone but myself to watch over me. It will be hard.
I nourish ambitions, that I know I have the potential to fulfill, but I am afraid it might be too late for me to join the school I dreamed of. I thought I would solve everything this year, but I haven't. I just have no will regarding my addiction, and it terrifies me. I am ashamed of it, I am ashamed of myself. It's an habit. I rarely start masturbating with a boner. CTRL+MAJ+P and entering a NSFW website are just so fucking easy things to do. I can imagine myself doing it right now. The steps of my addiction are just coming so quickly and easily in my mind. In a blink I see the whole process.
It ends now. I want to do something useful of my time. I want to feel fit, I am tired of being tired. I want to be strong, I don't want to be considered as someone you can step on by anyone ever again. I am going to look for information as to what to do now : time to reboot.
