Time to get up, dust off, and start again

[moorelife]

I was 45 day's with no PMO.  It was my first time I had ever made a deliberate, daily choice to live without Porn.  At day 46 I stumbled.  I had a bad day at work, and my wife was not home . . .
It's been about a month now, of me making every excuse in my head to just give up and let it be - not living porn free.  I'm tired of living a selfish life (my personal view is that Porn is a selfish choice - one I've made countless times in my life!)  Good Luck to everyone out there in the same boat

 

[Philgood63]

Welcome on board, man, I hope you'll find the strength to get along this road to recovery. You've already performed 45 days, that's quite amazing (I never made more than 15), so you are probably able to do the reboot if you keep strong and focused on the goal. I wish you all the luck.

 

[moorelife]

My wife and I pretty much do everything together, so i think that helped me in a big way - simply because there is no opportunity to watch porn.  As soon as I am home alone, obviously, I have to be very careful.  I think I am going to start a tracker - it seems like to see success on a tracker might give me an encouraging boost.

 

[benhj]

Welcome to the forums moorelife. One of the best things about this place I find is that it constantly reminds me that I'm not alone. I need that because I'm very good at isolating! Keep coming back!

 

[phoenix0015]

Hi moorelife,

45 days is a good nos. But we are here to leave PMO for good. Yes tracker does help. But focus on doing something better than not doing PMO.

Best of luck.. and keep coming back....

 

[Fappy]

That was a good streak you had going! Theres no reason why you cant do that again and go further. Pick yourself up, and dust yourself off! (Or should i say "wipe" yourself off...)

 

[joe_ireland]

Congrats on the 45 days. Stick at it and you will succeed.

 

[moorelife]

Thanks all for the encouragement.  I think Reboot Nation is one of the few sites (the first I found) where the truth about porn is laid bare.  I am grateful for a place where so many people are willing to share their story truthfully and openly, and of course I'm so grateful for those who share their stories and encourage others.  I had never heard of PIED until reboot nation, and the lightbulb went on - this must be what I have experienced!  I sometimes try and revisit the reasons for quitting porn - I think it helps me to stay determined and think clearly about why I am doing this (besides the obvious negative effects of this addiction).  Some of those reasons: 
-I believe it to be a very selfish choice (just think of all the lives ruined by porn)
-It is an incredible waste of time (what if I spent that time doing something of value)
-negatively effects sexual health and function
-creates a need to live in secret and 'cover your tracks'
It might sound like preaching to the choir (the reasons for quitting porn), but if it helps even one person in their effort to live porn free. . .
For these and other reasons I hope/know that we will succeed in living porn free.
Good luck everybody!

 

[moorelife]

I struggled today, and unfortunately I have to restart. Lately I have been biking in the evenings (trying to get fit and drop some weight) and I get home and cool down usually in front of the TV after my ride.  My wife has gone to bed, but the desktop is turned off (and she is the administrator).  But, unfortunately I turned to some of the other devices to get me where my selfishness (and of course - my addiction) wanted me to go.  Sometimes it's hard to understand (or accept) why I am the way I am.  I know we shouldn't compare ourselves to others - but it can be hard not to feel a little worthless (I don't mean to belittle anyone who struggles with Porn, but simply to reflect exactly how it sometimes feels for me personally),But I am committed to this; and I will keep on going - I will not be okay with this behaviour.  I will change and live a life without pornography!

 

[that1beachguy]

I think sometimes it is important to keep things in perspective. It sounds to me like you have the right intentions for success, but I believe it is important to keep perspective on self worth. you are right about it being selfish but people do selfish things all the time, just because society considers our addiction dirty doesn't mean you should view it that way. You have to see it for what it is. I have an addiction. Okay. I do not want this addiction anymore. okay. That means I do not click the mouse or type the keys to take me there. Okay. Don't let your brain trick you either. We all have problems with triggers, so if yours happen when you're alone, Find a way to improve on that By concentrating on other important things in life. Instead of search for p videos, look for your next vacation destination or a birthday present for your wife. Do some research... That's why this site is so great. If I ever feel close to breaking I come here and read the heartbreak and remind myself that 5 minutes after days and months of diligent work... Is not worth it. Stay strong. And remember that while watching p is a selfish act , improving upon your addiction will improve many aspects of your life and result in you being selfless rather than selfish

 

[Bryan]

+1 beachguy

 

[PornRecoverer2015]

Hi
I can understand your situation. Like you, I'm lucky to have a very supportive wife. I managed a lot of days with no PMO but relapsed 3 days ago. I've managed to steer clear since. I used the chance to look back and work out what triggered it and try to take action so I'm not in the same situation again. I find the mind is having a battle with itself during a reboot, almost like the old cartoons where a white angel and a red devil would sit on each shoulder telling you what to do....

Stay strong and you will get there. What I like about reboot nation is no one on here judges anyone, and irrespective of your background, age, religion or lack of, etc people help each other out, and encourage each other to keep going if they relapse.