Hello guys,
I am a 24 years old graduate student who had abstained from PMO for 42 days in his first go although he struggled in his second and third trials with 19 an 10 days respectively. After the third trial I had a huge binge that I could not control although my manhood went limp at times I felt the compulsion to watch and masturbate to porn, whether soft porn or hardcore porn. Now my PIED had worsened and I decided to quit all. This decision is a big decision since by quitting I should not only cease porn and porn substitute usage but also alter my lifestyle somehow.
I found out that my triggers are loneliness, inferior feelings against women and men successful in this regard, browsing escort ads and engaging in prostitution which is actually illegal in my country. Furthermore, depression and feeling down is a major trigger in my case. I am feeling depressed because I cannot see my career path and really bored of academia but do not know what to do. Moreover, I suck at girls since I cannot even attempt to approach and meet them despite receiving psychological counseling for this particular problem for 7 years. :'(
I really think I have the potential to go out and pursue real girls instead of masturbating at the pixels on the screen. However, the problem is that this addiction sucked my life away since I was 13 and I was a bit socially inept throughout my life. In my university life I made the following pathetic decision: "I will not be able to get a beautiful girl so I should resort to porn and prostitution instead, it is not worth the time, risk and money." I am really struggling to change myself and my view about women. It has been a long post but I felt the need to write it in order to be serious about my endeavor. Any comments are welcome and I will use this post as a diary to keep track of myself apart from the counter.
I am a 24 years old graduate student who had abstained from PMO for 42 days in his first go although he struggled in his second and third trials with 19 an 10 days respectively. After the third trial I had a huge binge that I could not control although my manhood went limp at times I felt the compulsion to watch and masturbate to porn, whether soft porn or hardcore porn. Now my PIED had worsened and I decided to quit all. This decision is a big decision since by quitting I should not only cease porn and porn substitute usage but also alter my lifestyle somehow.
I found out that my triggers are loneliness, inferior feelings against women and men successful in this regard, browsing escort ads and engaging in prostitution which is actually illegal in my country. Furthermore, depression and feeling down is a major trigger in my case. I am feeling depressed because I cannot see my career path and really bored of academia but do not know what to do. Moreover, I suck at girls since I cannot even attempt to approach and meet them despite receiving psychological counseling for this particular problem for 7 years. :'(
I really think I have the potential to go out and pursue real girls instead of masturbating at the pixels on the screen. However, the problem is that this addiction sucked my life away since I was 13 and I was a bit socially inept throughout my life. In my university life I made the following pathetic decision: "I will not be able to get a beautiful girl so I should resort to porn and prostitution instead, it is not worth the time, risk and money." I am really struggling to change myself and my view about women. It has been a long post but I felt the need to write it in order to be serious about my endeavor. Any comments are welcome and I will use this post as a diary to keep track of myself apart from the counter.
