chickaboomski
Active Member
I have always preached so well. Dealing with this hell inside seen my normally positive focus and attitude take a beating and swing like crazy and land belly up in a depressive negative state of mind and wasting focus and energy on not accepting what I alone can not change. In doing so I made this all about me. A strangers comment the other day and a few much appreciated messages seen my state of mind change in an instant. The words I live by I had forgotten. Where focus goes, energy flows. And wasted focus means wasted energy. Energy I do no have to waste. I hit rock bottom last week. Breaking down mentally and failing in all aspects of my life. Something had to give.
I was forced into 3 days heavily medicated bed rest. But the rest while welcomed by my body. Did not help my mind change focus. It was the support and love of you guys. Strangers. Advice that was welcomed. When my attitude snap changed so did my focus. And while this may not work for everyone elses relationship and struggle, I thought it worthy of sharing as it has made a massive change in mine.
Tuesday, once I had my dramatic click moment. There was no more begging, no more hurting, no more feeling like I jad something to do with this. My focus shifted to what I do have control over. What I can change. What I can accept. I gave no more ultimatums, no more discussions, no more intolerance no tolerance. Instead I chose less is best. I made it clear that I was clear from my and depression and anxiety from all things in life. Not just this. I told my SO I finaly felt free to be me. I told him that I accepted the position I was in was a result of the decisions I had or had not made in the past. And the person I want to be in the future. Will be a result of the decisions I make or don't make now. And I am no longer going to allow the decisions of others dictate mine and my childrens future. This has seen a serious subconscious shift and decision on his part.
I still stand by my decisions. And while early days. 5 days later. He is going strong. I don't need him to admit or face anything for me. I know he found me on here and read my post as he had been on my computer. I don't really know whats going on in his head. But I know he is making drastic changes in his life. He has been more hands on with me and decided to work in my business with me when the kids go to school. No more massive days at home on his own to wollow and fill time in. It is early days. I am so proud of him. I am so grateful. And I will stand by my man, I wont allow myself to get caught up in the emotion of this anymore. If he slips. That is a decision that he has made that will affect his future. I hold no resentment. I told him that any man that shares my life has to be a strong man. And I asked him if he is strong enough. Now he has to prove it. He knows my love is worth it. And most of all, I know that.
I was forced into 3 days heavily medicated bed rest. But the rest while welcomed by my body. Did not help my mind change focus. It was the support and love of you guys. Strangers. Advice that was welcomed. When my attitude snap changed so did my focus. And while this may not work for everyone elses relationship and struggle, I thought it worthy of sharing as it has made a massive change in mine.
Tuesday, once I had my dramatic click moment. There was no more begging, no more hurting, no more feeling like I jad something to do with this. My focus shifted to what I do have control over. What I can change. What I can accept. I gave no more ultimatums, no more discussions, no more intolerance no tolerance. Instead I chose less is best. I made it clear that I was clear from my and depression and anxiety from all things in life. Not just this. I told my SO I finaly felt free to be me. I told him that I accepted the position I was in was a result of the decisions I had or had not made in the past. And the person I want to be in the future. Will be a result of the decisions I make or don't make now. And I am no longer going to allow the decisions of others dictate mine and my childrens future. This has seen a serious subconscious shift and decision on his part.
I still stand by my decisions. And while early days. 5 days later. He is going strong. I don't need him to admit or face anything for me. I know he found me on here and read my post as he had been on my computer. I don't really know whats going on in his head. But I know he is making drastic changes in his life. He has been more hands on with me and decided to work in my business with me when the kids go to school. No more massive days at home on his own to wollow and fill time in. It is early days. I am so proud of him. I am so grateful. And I will stand by my man, I wont allow myself to get caught up in the emotion of this anymore. If he slips. That is a decision that he has made that will affect his future. I hold no resentment. I told him that any man that shares my life has to be a strong man. And I asked him if he is strong enough. Now he has to prove it. He knows my love is worth it. And most of all, I know that.