miomio said:
I am handling the booze part pretty well, but what bugs me most of the day is the hyper sensitivity to all sex-related topics, ads and events. I literally shake my head to get these imaginations out of my head, the hot waiter, the greatly blessed salesgirl....
miomio said:
In any case, the last couple of days were living hell. I have trouble sleeping, causing a lack of concentration during work and my hot co-worker doesn't make my new path any easier. It feels like there's a dark cloud over my head, following me wherever I go, I sense the pile of shit is grooming and there's more enlightment coming my way!
Hi miomio!
I can see you did some pretty bad crazy things in your life, as all of us here did. It's great that you decided to fight. That has forever changed you, believe me. Because now, even if you do spiral into a hell of a relapse, at every waking moment of that relapse you will realize - I have a problem, I got to do something about. This thought at the back of one's head is the elephant in the room. You will not be able to walk around it.
But this place is a great place to help.
I marked those two quotes up there for a reason. Patrick Carnes' book "Don't Call it Love" (which I recommend) makes one staggering point that I did not have the opportunity to verify but that maybe you will be able to relate to - that people who were recovering from multiple addictions were unanimous in their view that sex addiction is definitely the most difficult addiction of any. When I'm writing this I feel a bit stupid, because I sense in my way of thinking - "haha, we, sex addicts, are the best! Our addiction is by far the strongest, we are the chosen ones!". The truth it's an enormously serious and difficult compulsion that is difficult to battle. But that can be done and there is plenty evidence of that all around this place
I also marked those quotes because I very much relate to your problem that you called over-sensitivity. I was having issues with watching girls on-line and out in the real world already when I was actively PMOing. But I think that since I started to fight PMOing this issue went ballistic. I think it's unfortunately part of the PMO. To me the problem is not confined to pixels because - in my view and in my problem - if you stare at a woman's cleavage, butt or try to decipher something from a woman's contours, it's not really that much different from staring at a girl on the screen. It's still objectification to me, an issue ever-present in this addiction. That's why your words on having long look at women around you ring a bell for me. The problem for me was that this over-sensitivity if not properly taken care of (which mean slashing pixels altogether and learning how to treat woman around) finally leads to relapses in watching P. And MOing, if together. This is what I experienced, at least.
If you would like to discuss any of those issue, I'm available
Keeping fingers crossed for work on all your fronts - PMO and A
you are definitely worth it.
