Realizing the problem

[Freshstart]

Hello-  I am in my mid 30's and am married.  I have been using PMO since high school and started seeing some of the negative effects (PIED) when with my wife.  It has slowly become more of a regular occurrence over the past couple years. I was very excited to find YBOP and this site to help me understand what was causing these issues (I think I knew the problem in the back of my mind all along but didn't understand the science)  Reading the forums and learning about the destructive consequences of excessive PMO have given me hope.  I am very excited to learn there is a solution and I can fix my problems.  I am 14 days into my reboot and feeling pretty good so far.  Looking for an accountability partner who is in a similar situation to share support and advise during the process. (posted in req. for AP forum)

I wanted some advise from those of you who have been through or are going through this.  I have cut out PMO for the past 14 days, I was dead set on going cold turkey once I discovered the wealth of information on PIED.  I have shared this with my wife and she has been very supportive, as well as excited to have narrowed down the issues we are having.

We have been sexually active a couple times since the start of my reboot.  What advise can you guys give for those of us in a relationship who choose to continue their sex life with partner while cutting out PMO, internet temptations ie, swimsuit, or sexy sites like the chive?  I have removed my porn computer and am trying to install web filters on PC and Phone to limit temptations.

As far as side effects/withdrawal symptoms mine have been pretty minor.  Difficulty sleeping the first couple nights, some down mood days.  My sex drive has been up and down over the two weeks so far.

Thank you for your input. 

 

[noitan]

Hey FreshStart, good to hear your first impressions.

I guess most of the members will tell you that it's not particularly a problem to continue having sex with your partner, but it can delay your recovery period.

That being said, i am on the same boat. I didn't stop my sexual life and only stopped PMOing, and so far it's going fine.. Maybe in the future i'll look back and see that it would take less time if i had stopped all sex (Masturbation and real sex) during this period, but i'm 35 days so far and i think my mental state is healthier that way...

So, the feeling is yours. Continuing having sex won't stop your recovery, but depending on the person can activate triggers that can make you go back to porn, so you have to observe and watch what is your reality regarding that.

As always, it's a journey. A journey that will make you get to know yourself even better.

 

[phoenix0015]

Welcome fresh start,

Good to see you here and that you already have a nice progress with minimum trouble. But PMO can be very sneaky so don't let your guards down ever. I am telling you this from my experience.
And be prepared for all possible withdrawal symptoms as they can come anytime.
Please remember what we are trying to correct here is decades of rewiring of our brain. So its going to take time and it's going to be painful.

Replacement behaviours and patience are the key. Exercise and mediation are proven to be best helps.

Lastly best of luck and keep coming back.we are all with you.

 

[Freshstart]

Thanks guys, I truly appreciate the feedback.  Today makes 16 days and I have been feeling pretty good.  I have had some mild anxiety and feel slightly scattered but nothing I cant work through.  Trying to make exercise a priority and head out for a bike ride or workout when I am feeling bored or tempted.

Any thoughts on dopamine replacing activities and they have a negative effect on the rebooting process?  For example mountain biking, skiing and rock climbing are some of my hobbies.  These are obviously dopamine producing activities and my question is if these "dopamine spikes" would have an effect on the recovery process?

 

[that1beachguy]

I think any of those activities should be fine, I'm no expert but they are all real world experiences... And they benefit your health. The stuff you should watch out for is digital stimulus. Facebook, instagram, Twitter subs that will use the same neural pathways as porn. Also I've heard subbing in something else like a video game could potentially be harmful... Trading one addiction for another, that kind of thing. But I haven't experienced it myself to be dishing out any serious cautionary advice.

 

[Freshstart]

Hey Guys-

Wanted to update my post and share my experience so far.  Today is 30 days no PMO and I am feeling pretty good.  The cravings for PMO were strong during the first 2 weeks or so for sure...I have definitely felt some mild depression and distraction over the past 30 days.  I am not sure if I would call it a flat line but there were days when I didn't have much sex drive at all.  I am finding that staying away from P is getting easier each day.  I am not really having cravings for P but I do find my self tempted to check out softer sites I used to frequent. (eg. chive).  Not letting my self do that but the desire is still there...

I am seeing great results in my normal sex life with my wife.  She is aware of my situation and supportive during the reboot process.  We keep sex to a minimum for the first couple weeks of the reboot (1 or 2 times).  Now we are just living our sex life normally and so far my ED is gone and my enjoyment/sensitivity has returned.  This is exciting for me as this was the number one issue that caused me to realize my problem and want to change.

Challenges for me:  Although I have not viewed P or PMO in 30 days it is still a temptation to check out women on the street.  Obviously this is normal but I am trying to keep a clear head and not get distracted by every hot chick I see.  I focus on the situation when with my wife and keep fantasy out of it.  I did have a situation (while with my wife) recently...it was dark and I found my self thinking of some chick I met earlier that day.  This felt like a set back for me as my goal is to be present when with her in the real situation. 

Your thoughts and feedback are always appreciated!  Thanks!

 

[pinkerton]

Congratulations on thirty days man, that's great. I suggest you do keep your guard up with the softer sites you've been tempted about.
As far as checking out girls on the street, that's a bit of a gray area. For me, looking at girls at the mall gives me the same feeling as looking at a magazine or whatever. Looking is natural but when I keep looking I think that's a problem. And if my wife ever noticed me doing it she would be devastated.
Not sure if that was any help or not. Just some of my experience. Keep up the good work.

 

[Igor Fighter]

Hi!
My congratulations on 30 days of cleanliness! Tomorrow will be my thirtieth day and I have to confirm that porn obsession is in my mind, in my brain. In other words, it is a psychological pathology.
After watching my thoughts flow from inside, so to say, I`ve come to conclusion that I have more than 50 thoughts concerning pornography during the day, although I do not watch P. This abnormal way of thinking lives deep inside me. Interestingly, porn videos, which had been watched by me for over 17 years, saved somehow in form of images deep in my mind.
      Therefore, when I go outside, look at any pretty girl, passing by, those horny images arise in my head. In fact, I start to imagine how I bang the girl I see just at first. So, the problem itself is in my head. Of course, I try my best not to fantasize anything stimulating, often I just get my eyes away from sexy ladies.

 

[freshstart1]

Hello Rebooters -

I have not posted in about a month.  I managed to forget my password and the recovery system doesn't seem to work.  Anyway I created a new user profile under freshstart1 so I can post again.

Today marks 60 days no PMO for me.  I am excited to have made it this far and feel that much closer to my goal of 90 day reboot.  In the month since my last post I have been feeling pretty good for the most part.  Some days I have a lack of motivation and feelings of depression. My desire to look at P has dropped off significantly, however I still find my self perving on girls on the street.  I try to keep this to a minimum and keep my thoughts focused.

The past few days I have really noticed a depressed feeling and lack of sex drive.  I am too tired and unmotivated to have sex with my wife...hoping this passes soon.  Not sure if this is another batch of flatline or my first major flatline.

As always your advise and experience is greatly appreciated. 

 

 

[Igor Fighter]

Welcome back, Freshstart!
Although my mark is 49 days, but I am perving girls on the street as well...

 

[Igor Fighter]

Hello, freshstart!
Hope you are staying determined.
My rebooting has its ups and downs.
I watched porn yesterday but didnt fap. Its grueling for me to overcome but I dont give in.
How's your process?

 

[freshstart1]

Hello Rebooters-

Today makes 80 days no PMO/MO for me.  I wanted to share my positive experience with those of you who are just starting out or questioning the effectiveness of the process.

First of all congratulations on realizing you have a problem with P or PMO.  I am confident that you will see results and positive improvement throughout this process.  For me the results in cutting PMO out of my life were dramatically noticeable after the first 2-3 weeks.

- 2-3 weeks no PMO I began to regain sex drive and sensation.  No ED since this point when having sex with my wife.
- Not a walk in the park...although I saw positive results quickly in the process I still felt withdraw symptoms:  Mild depression, sort spurts of low sex drive, temptation to PMO.
- Around day 30-60 my desire to view P subsided greatly.  I still have urges to look at P and check out women on the street, however the temptation gets a little less each day.
- Still have some bad days where I lack motivation and feel down.
- Sexual performance is back to the way it should be.  If anything I feel like a 16 year old again trying not to finish too quickly.  (This beats the hell out of not being able to perform or finish at all)
- Today at day 80 I am excited to have progressed this far and feel confident I will make my 90 day goal of no PMO/MO.  I do not plan to return to PMO and now clearly see the damage it did to my personal life and sex life (PIED).

I remember the start of this process and the thought that 3 months was FOREVER.  The results from no PMO were amazing...It became quite clear this was the issue causing my ED and made the reboot process that much easier to stick to.  So if you are on day 1 or just deciding if you want to start a re-boot you have the support of this community and the promise of fixing the issues you are having with P PMO.

This will have a positive effect on your life.  Don't wait....start today or keep on track if you are already in the process.

Best of luck to us all!

 

[heisenberg]

Thank you freshstart for posting this!  I am currently on day 67 of my reboot and the past couple of day i have been feeling discouraged with this reboot but reading your journal inspires me to keep on track with this.  Whether it will take 90 days or 180 days, your post makes me realize how it will all be worth it in the end.

 

[westcoastguy]

Thanks for the post man! ED with my gf of 4 years is what set me on this path and it is really inspiring to read that it has gotten better for those in a relationship. I'm 35 days in and have also noticed a big improvement with her. Like you said, finishing rather quickly but that is still way better than going soft all the time and dealing with the aftermath. I too hope to make 90 days. Keep posting your successes!

 

[Igor Fighter]

I am confident that you will see results and positive improvement throughout this process.  For me the results in cutting PMO out of my life were dramatically noticeable after the first 2-3 weeks.

Hello, freshstart! thanks for giving the part of ur motivation and success to all of us.
Although I am on my 12th day after my dire relapse, I feel like phoenix raised from ashes.