When my partner admits to actively creating porn fantasy when we are having sex it's difficult not to take personally. Knowing it's an addiction only goes so far to console me. It feels like dehumanizing shallow sensation when what I want to feel is love. It's so hard being intimate with him wondering if he is thinking of someone else. Especially, when he admits that half the time he is thinking of porn. I crave the attention and presence I don't get. I don't truly want to date other people but it seems so sad that I might spend the rest of my life this way. How do you guys deal with this? I'm feel so lost.
Having a hard time not taking this personally
- Thread starter Trav124
- Start date
Chaos Mind
Active Member
The situation right now is unsatisfying (for both of you!).
But if your fear is that it could stay like this for the rest of your life then past doesn't matter...the future does. So what's happening at the moment? Is he aware of the problem? Does he attempt to reboot? Does he know of this site?
A recovery from porn addiction is not easy for him. Neither it is for you. Imagine he seriously fights the problem and in a few weeks his thoughts are pure and full of love...could you guarantee that you believe him? Would sex still be as enjoyable as it was before you knew? Maybe it's best for you to pause sexual intimacy for a few weeks while he reboots. Afterwards you will feel the change and then it's important that you encourage him and show him that you regained trust.
But if your fear is that it could stay like this for the rest of your life then past doesn't matter...the future does. So what's happening at the moment? Is he aware of the problem? Does he attempt to reboot? Does he know of this site?
A recovery from porn addiction is not easy for him. Neither it is for you. Imagine he seriously fights the problem and in a few weeks his thoughts are pure and full of love...could you guarantee that you believe him? Would sex still be as enjoyable as it was before you knew? Maybe it's best for you to pause sexual intimacy for a few weeks while he reboots. Afterwards you will feel the change and then it's important that you encourage him and show him that you regained trust.
Steam rolled
Active Member
So sorry you feel this pain that is so unfair.
Im pretty much damaged over all of this so my advise isnt the best.
But i can tell you the way i went about cleaning up my husbands act and forgetting about
Myself the whole time and now im a hot mess!!
For the past year i was cramming information into his head about the damage this is causing to US and our future, what its doing to his man hood, ( the info worked )and while doing this felt lost the whole time and sick to my stomach i didnt think of myself, but how stupid i was not to know or turning a blind eye.
Obsessing over this to the point of craziness and i mean i have went crazy at times!!! Pissed.
You see us woman need to work on our selves to, as we have been hurt, decieved and deppressed.
Dont forget about YOU!
I have dealt with months of flatlines but continuing to have sex but him not being able to completly and that made me feel worse beacuse of course with porn in his life he would be done in minutes
( boring)
Then us going into major states of depression nearly losing our buisness we have worked so hard for Repeat-repeat.
Like tourure to the soul!!!
We should have gave sex a break.( thats a tough one) how do you give a SO who cant stop thinking about sex a break, its just very difficult to get, but thinking back it would have possably saved a lot of problems and maybe him better sooner. IDK, all i know is the pain
But now a year later things are much better for US , but not ME.
Im exhasted from worrying every second, now its every couple of days,exhausted from feeling less of a woman. Still do at times.
It pure exhasting!
He has to be on board and want to change period!
If not then- you got to do what you got to do!
Good luck we are here for you.
Im pretty much damaged over all of this so my advise isnt the best.
But i can tell you the way i went about cleaning up my husbands act and forgetting about
Myself the whole time and now im a hot mess!!
Crystals said:
For the past year i was cramming information into his head about the damage this is causing to US and our future, what its doing to his man hood, ( the info worked )and while doing this felt lost the whole time and sick to my stomach i didnt think of myself, but how stupid i was not to know or turning a blind eye.
Obsessing over this to the point of craziness and i mean i have went crazy at times!!! Pissed.
You see us woman need to work on our selves to, as we have been hurt, decieved and deppressed.
Dont forget about YOU!
I have dealt with months of flatlines but continuing to have sex but him not being able to completly and that made me feel worse beacuse of course with porn in his life he would be done in minutes
( boring)
Then us going into major states of depression nearly losing our buisness we have worked so hard for Repeat-repeat.
Like tourure to the soul!!!
We should have gave sex a break.( thats a tough one) how do you give a SO who cant stop thinking about sex a break, its just very difficult to get, but thinking back it would have possably saved a lot of problems and maybe him better sooner. IDK, all i know is the pain
But now a year later things are much better for US , but not ME.
Im exhasted from worrying every second, now its every couple of days,exhausted from feeling less of a woman. Still do at times.
It pure exhasting!
He has to be on board and want to change period!
If not then- you got to do what you got to do!
Good luck we are here for you.
chickaboomski
Active Member
Crystals, we all struggle with not taking it personally. And to be honest, that is why I had to distance myself, disconnect, and focus on myself. It can break you down. I had to choose me. Even the strongest of people are bought down by emotional connection. For someone like me, I think I am strong. I have been through hell and back at the hands of men since I was a child. I have left a drug addicted exhusband. I trained to Become an alcohol and drug addiction councilor, I know very well the strategy on coping. And yet. The first man I have ever fully trusted not to hurt me, did so like this. I was down and out. I was suicidal. After working in AOD I chose to use my skills in a more uplifting manner and became a life coach and personal trainer. My business is about state of mind. And here I was preeching, yet losing my own. I was fortunate enough to spend an afternoon at a Tony Robbins seminar in April. It was enough to keep me going. But here. Here is where I managed to to get support and guidance back to me. From others doing it, and going through it. And don't get me wrong I am not through the storm. But I at least have a raincoat now. It doesn't stop the rain. But keeps me dry enough until hopefully the sun comes out. Xx Think of you. You need to, addicts just won't put you first. So someone has to.