Delayed ejaculation even when masturbating - please help

[Camouflage]

Hi! I am new to the forum. I am suffering from a delayed / retarded ejaculation. I only come about 30% of the time during intercourse, and it may take over 20 minutes. But even when masturbating, it may take me over 30 minutes to get off! That is without porn. However, with porn I can come easily in 3-5 minutes! Does this mean that my DE problem is certainly porn induced?

I also have a related question. I was circumcised as an adult due to phimosis. In my case it decreased my sensitivity quite a bit. Ejaculation was much easier for me while uncut, so I am blaming my circumcision partly for my ejaculation problem. I am curious, is it even possible to have a delayed ejaculation problem with an uncut penis? Or do you think that circumcision status is completely unrelated to delayed ejaculation?

 

[fnatk]

If you can come in 3-5 mins with porn, its part of the problem but the decreased sensitivity after your circumcision isn't helping either.

More importantly however, have you heard of the term "death grip masturbation"? Its pretty much exactly what it sounds like, but you can google it for a bit more info. I'd say stay away from porn & masturbation 90-120 days and then see how it goes with intercourse.

 

[Camouflage]

Thaks for the advice! I have been rebooting for a few months without porn. But I have been masturbating. I guess it is time to go hard mode: no masturbation either. The death grip webpage instructed to do some gentle masturbation with lube and just stay away from tight grip... That would be an easier route to try.

 

[fnatk]

Well done on staying away from porn for a few months! That's great work

I'd say give it a go first with lube and gentle masturbation just to see how it goes, I know it didn't work for me when I "tested" myself for the different types of damage porn has done to me. I couldn't orgasm without porn for example unless I was fantasizing about some of the more extreme things I got into, even if I was using the death grip technique :/

After that, try staying away from both the porn and masturbation or at least limit the amount you do. Other than that, it sounds like you're in a good place with a good mindset. Just keep away from the porn!

 

[Camouflage]

I couldn't orgasm without porn for example unless I was fantasizing about some of the more extreme things I got into, even if I was using the death grip technique :/

Sounds like you were in a similar situation like me. But rebooting helped you? You are able to orgams easier now?

 

[fnatk]

I'm still struggling with the progress, I've had relapses and gone on month-long binges so I'm not at a point where I can "test" myself yet but I'm 100% sure that when I've stayed PMO free long enough that I have this addiction under control that I will be able to masturbate normally again to sensation alone.

 

[Camouflage]

I'm still struggling with the progress, I've had relapses and gone on month-long binges so I'm not at a point where I can "test" myself yet but I'm 100% sure that when I've stayed PMO free long enough that I have this addiction under control that I will be able to masturbate normally again to sensation alone.

Yes let us keep on rebooting! I am curious: are there success stories about this particular thing (not being able to come without porn)? I am also curious: are you circumcised yourself?

 

[fnatk]

Yes there are several success stories about this particular thing, most of us heavy porn addicts that have been using high speed internet porn since our teenage years and are now in our mid 20's to mid 30's have this problem along with PIED etc.

Please start by reading this ENTIRE page:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/node/79

And when you are unsure about something, click the links provided and read those articles/pages too! Its rebooting basics that you'll need to know to understand your problem, how to fix it and WHY you should be doing it

And I'm not circumcised thankfully

 

[Camouflage]

And I'm not circumcised thankfully

Interesting. I used to blame my circumcision for my problems. I ended up on the anti-circ webpage and starter restoring my foreskin (it may actually also help me in the long run). But since intact people may have similar problems as well, I am more convinced that the main cause for my DE is in the brain. This conclusion is supported by the fact that I didn't have any sex problems with my ex-wife for many years even though I was already circumcised at that time.

Thank you! These discussions help me diagnose my problems more accurately. I have read the rebooting basics, but I really need to get into this with more determination.

This spring I had a streak of 3 months without porn before a relapse, and now 1 month without porn after the relapse. So I have done a reasonably good job keeping away from porn. But on the other hand, I have sex 2-3 times every week, often with a new partner, and I also masturbate 2-4 times per week. Do you think that these factors make my reboot slower? Because I am definitely still struggling.

 

[fnatk]

I would certainly abstain from the masturbation if I was you, that's part of your porn habit, at least for 90 or 120 days. Casual sex might slow you down a bit but it can also speed up the rewiring process so its 50/50 on that front really, some people say it goes faster without any orgasms at all.

Personally I think that rebooting properly with a 90 or 120 days where you go for no porn, no masturbation and no orgasms seems to be the best way. You let all those pathways in your brain that used to fire up to porn and sexual fantasies die off a bit and afterwards you can start working towards rebuilding the "normal" ones, hopefully with a steady, romantic interest.

 

[Camouflage]

Right, thanks for the advice! For me there is a difference between romantic intimate sex with a long time partner, and casual sex with a one night stand. The latter may indeed light the porn pathways in my brain. So I guess I should quit it along with the masturbation. This will not be easy! But oh well, I am not enjoying either of them fully at the moment because it is so damn hard to climax.

But oh man, it is summer and everything! Girls are walking around half naked! And you are saying I can't make a move?!?!

 

[fnatk]

If you want to make a move, by all means go ahead. I'm not against casual sex, one night stands or anything like that. Everybody has different problems due to their porn addiction and mine are quite different from yours so we obviously don't need the exact same solution.

I want to reconnect with women properly, get to know them. I want sex to mean something for me in the future, but if I was at a party and saw a lovely lady I got interested in would I abstain from having a one night stand if those cards came on the table? Most likely not

 

[Camouflage]

Yes I think I understand the term "reconnecting with women." At the moment I've lost the connection... but I really want it back. I am also worried about my physical condition: problems even in masturbation (unless I watch porn). I really want to get back to normal "shape" also in this respect.

To be honest, I still find it hard to believe that the hard mode reboot (without M) would help me. How could it enhance the physical sensations? But oh well, that is what people are claiming in the success stories. So I guess I just have to try it!

I am also surprised that rebooting is not discussed more in the mainstream, since practically all guys do PMO. But all people don't seem to get ED or DE from it.

 

[jnv]

Rebooting isn't discussed more in the mainstrem because when you are in the middle of an addiction without realizing it, you don't want to hear/talk about it.

I'm sure that if somebody had told me about PMO 10 years ago, I'd probably have laughed hard saying something along the lines of :"yeah yeah, being addicted to Porn, sure....".

There is also the fact many people are able to watch porn without being addicted to it and without being sexuellay affected by it, just like many people can drink alcohol without being an alcoholic, play video games without spending 10+h/day in front of a screen, etc...

 

[Kurall_Creator]

I am curious, is it even possible to have a delayed ejaculation problem with an uncut penis? Or do you think that circumcision status is completely unrelated to delayed ejaculation?

I am uncut, and I have DE, so it is unrelated.

 

[Pr3c1se]

The answer is STOP having sex for a while, and STOP masturbating.

 

[Camouflage]

The answer is STOP having sex for a while, and STOP masturbating.

Thanks for the advice! I decided to quit masturbating. I've been off it for almost 2 weeks now. I haven't watched any porn for many months. But I have still been having casual sex 1-2 times per week. Sometimes it ends with blue balls, but I have resisted the temptation to finish by masturbating. The community seems to be divided on the harmfulness of sex during reboot. Some people seem to think that it actually helps with the rewiring. But you strongly suggest not having sex during reboot?