Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring and then Summer again

[Diesel driver]

Hi,
Diesel driver here.
I abstained from any form of self pleasure for a month. My new objective is to do a year!

I wrestled with PMO for quite a while. The symptoms commonly described are very real but so is the chance to regain what was lost. I seem to be close to where I want to be.

I want not only to boost my confidence and gain the ability to get erections whenever I want to, I want to forget about self pleasing completely.

I want to cancel the option of masturbating when a relief of stress is needed. I want to clean my muscle memory from the movements which led me here.

I want to live with self respect and discipline during Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring and then Summer again.

I will report how I'm doing every weekend. I will put a new counter in my signature soon.

 

[Diesel driver]

Today at noon my balls hurt. There were no external reasons for the aching so I assumed I had blue balls, although they didn't look blue. The pain was so great that I considered having a fap. I wasn't hornier than usual but it hurt was so bad I just wanted it to stop.
I waited for a couple of minutes, then the pain subsided.
I'm happy that I can go on on my fap free challenge.
I am prepared mentally for a wet dream that might happen soon.

 

[Diesel driver]

Hey rebooters!
It's been some time!

My penis became a lot more sensitive. My libido is unreliable, sometimes it's full blown flatine and 10 minutes after that even thinking about a girl fills my penis with blood. Three days ago before I went to sleep I had an erection. I barely touched the soft skin beneath my glands and I almost came.

Today was one hell of a day. I had to think about sex all the time and eventually I got a full erection. The boner must have lasted about two hours. From my penis pushing against my pants and my hands touching it a few times I thought I wouldn't survive this day fap free.
But I managed to do it. I just lied down, breathed in and out and tried to relax and block sexual thoughts. After a few minutes my erection faded and I was happy I made it.
However now there is a sharp pain in my testicles and my lower abdomen causing me to walk funny. I belive I edged a few times unintentionally and shot my prostate.

I'm having one or two beers now and then I'll go to sleep. I'm thinking about resetting my timer. I didn't orgasm but edge. Still I want to have a clean run of 365 days, I could redo those 31 days I have done so far np. The pain I feel now is today's lesson for me. No touching, no fantisizing anymore!

If anyone has experience with lower abdomen pain please share.
Cheers!

 

[Diesel driver]

Since my painful experience a couple of days of ago I avoid triggers as good as I can. This means I look away when nudity is shown on TV and so on.

I'm in flatline once again. I had a good morning erection today but it faded very quickly. My penis is at a normal size when flaccid but my libido is at zero and there is almost no movement when something arousing happens, just sometimes a very mere tingle.
It has been worse yesterday and typically I got scared and tempted to testing. But I learned from my mistakes and left my penis alone.

The next days or weeks (or months?) will be easier than when I startded. I face my doubts and shut down any negative self talk. Urges are almost non existent until this phase is over.
I wonder how long it will take for me. I read some people had a year or more of flatline.

 

[CrazyFrog357]

Damn, man, you're doing really well so far. Keep it up

 

[Diesel driver]

Thanks CrazyFrog I will do!

Flatline sucks. But my morning wood is getting better. Everyday I wake up my penis is a bit more erect than the morning before.

I am so looking forward to the day my sensitvity and function is back better than ever. For right now patience, discipline and self respect is what keeps me going.

I wonder how many guys struggle with PIED whether they know it or not. Shame hardly anyone is doing any helpful research on the matter. Even urologists are ignorant towards the problem.

 

[CrazyFrog357]

I wonder how many guys struggle with PIED whether they know it or not. Shame hardly anyone is doing any helpful research on the matter. Even urologists are ignorant towards the problem.

Actually I've heard a lot of doctors will recommend staying away from porn to help with ED.
There seems to be something of a consensus in the medical community that porn is harmful.
Which makes it even more worrying that this isn't communicated to the broad populace - at all...

 

[Diesel driver]

I made a mistake. I couldn't resist stroking my full morning erection. After only a few strokes I felt a hot sensation in my shaft and my heart began pounding. I knew what was going to happen but I kept stroking anyway and had a big orgasm.

What caused my relapse? It was a long time since I've felt my fully erect penis and couldn't resist stroking. I underestimated my increased sensitivity from abstaining for almost two months.
Also I might have increased my libido the day before. I lurked on a message board and many posters had very explicit hentai images as profile pictures in the thread I was reading.

It's alright. I'm back on track!


@ CrazyFrog  Sooner or later doctors will have to get to the bottom of PIED as long as more and more guys will report their problem.

Cheers.

 

[CrazyFrog357]

I made a mistake. I couldn't resist stroking my full morning erection. After only a few strokes I felt a hot sensation in my shaft and my heart began pounding. I knew what was going to happen but I kept stroking anyway and had a big orgasm.

What caused my relapse? It was a long time since I've felt my fully erect penis and couldn't resist stroking. I underestimated my increased sensitivity from abstaining for almost two months.
Also I might have increased my libido the day before. I lurked on a message board and many posters had very explicit hentai images as profile pictures in the thread I was reading.

It's alright. I'm back on track!


@ CrazyFrog  Sooner or later doctors will have to get to the bottom of PIED as long as more and more guys will report their problem.

Cheers.

Ah well man. It happens :/ Don't forget how well you were doing before your relapse, you can do it again

 

[Diesel driver]

I'm much better off without porn and masturbation.

I can really tell a difference in the way I think about sex. All those videos, pics and gifs are forgotten. They're still deep in the back of my head but I refuse to pull them out again. I can safely say that I lost my weird fetishes. Since last month I don't have to think about them and when I do I'm not aroused but repulsed. Good!

Also all my real life experiences (which I only have very few) have much more relevance in my mind.

However, when it comes to the physical side I reached a plateau. I believe it's due to my lack of sleep. It's unusually hot in my area and my home is not built to handle very hot temperature.

Thanks for reading and cheers!

 

[Diesel driver]

It's been 16 days since my last masturbation but it doesn't feel like 16 days. I pretty much have no sense of increasing "pressure" or urges or whatever.
Been in a full blown flatline for quite a while now. It's beginning to feel very unpleasent. My penis is a bit smaller than usual (flaccid), feels cold but worst of all my balls don't hang low and appear small. With every step I take I am reminded of my ED.

My ED is finally messing with my mind like it hasn't had in a long time. I feel unhealthy and inadequate.
I still have almost two months of Summer break before university starts so I'm not forced to go outside. And I don't leave the house at all if it's not for shopping groceries.

I cope rather poorly with my problem. I play lots of videogames, watch youtube videos or listen to music. I distract myself all the time because I feel a great deal of discomfort. This is a very rough time for me.

 

[CrazyFrog357]

I cope rather poorly with my problem. I play lots of videogames, watch youtube videos or listen to music. I distract myself all the time because I feel a great deal of discomfort. This is a very rough time for me.

I know the feeling man :/ Stay positive anyway, keep fighting.

 

[Diesel driver]

Thx man

 

[Diesel driver]

Good morning,
Last night I had a wet dream.

I was half awake when I felt a hot sensation in my shaft. I touched it and the tip was wet but I couldn't find a mess in my pants. I lied down again and after 20 seconds or so I felt it again. This time I got fully awake and checked again. Pants had wet splashes but not a lot. Thought it was a failed wet dream if you can say that. I changed and went to sleep again.

Only when I woke up and checked my first pants I could see a huge spot of sperm on the back of my pants. I must have been asleep when the biggest load was shot and it ran down my leg.

Second wet dream in my life! Probably more to come. Only thing that concerns me is that my penis was only half erect or so when it happened.
I won't reset the counter because of wet dreams.

 

[Diesel driver]

Seems I'm out of flatline. I'm quite horny and luckily for real women. Dick could be more reactive but it does move sometimes.

I'm doing good on my reboot. But otherwise it could go better.

I really wish I had a girlfriend. This is a problem for me. Next smemester begins in october and I don't have any social circle or chance to socialize with people at the moment.

My PIED is in the way too. I have zero motivation to go out alone because of my ED. I think to myself maybe I find a nice girl, then we try to have sex, then what? Will I be able to get an erection and how will she react?

I guess this is one of the dark sides of porn addiction. It makes you avoid people.

 

[hoopvol]

Hello Diesel driver,

You're doing great!! You don't have to be afraid of the ladies: I'm sure, there are a lot of girls out there, who appreciate a guy who takes it easy. You don't have to have sex on the first (couple of) date(s). Get to know a girl first, laugh, talk, kiss, cuddle. When you stay strong and stay away from P. things will improve. Make shure you feel comfortable with a girl and take most of the fear away....

 

[Diesel driver]

Thank you for replying, hoopvol. I feel privileged that you took the time.

It seems to be a good idea to go on a couple of dates before getting intimate with a girl. This and staying away from porn of course.
There is a lot going on in my head when it comes to dating and sex, I haven't learned to be in the moment.

Apart from that I'm still doing good.

Cheers!

 

[CrazyFrog357]

Come on, man 29 days, think positive. Great achievement.
Stick with it, eventually the ED will sort itself out and things will improve from there

 

[Diesel driver]

Thanks CrazyFrog.
It keeps getting better. Libido tries to trick me alot recently, sometimes when a big urge comes I actually start reasoning that I should masturbate and that it would be beneficial in some way. But once the urge is gone all the attempts at reasoning are gone too. So far I didn't give in. Junk does move throughout the day!

But lately I also feel a physical discomfort in my penis. It is really weird because I can't think of any origin for the pain. I'm thinking about making a topic and ask others.

 

[Diesel driver]

First of all the good news. The burning pain I had described is gone. Maybe it was an infection of the urinary tract as other users suggested but it healed.

Yesterday I masturbated to orgasm, worst of all to porn fantasy. Right afterwards until now I'm in a nasty flatline again. I feel beaten down. I thought I needed this but already on the first second of ejaculation I felt alone and ashamed. I don't know why porn images came back to my mind after a long time of not watching P but now I see how ridiculious this is. The fapping needs to go out of my life. It doesn't serve me one bit.

Technically it's still summer, otherwise I would have to change the title of my journal. I set a big goal for myself. Going from summer 2015 365 days clean to summer 2016. I need to reach this goal. It's my biggest dream right now to be honest.