SR - I understand not wanting to continue with that therapist. It sounds as though she made you uncomfortable and didn't stop even though you were uncomfortable. Can you maybe look for a different therapist? My husband told me the other day that after the baby is born (just 3 weeks to go until my due date!), he wants us to go to therapy. I've been talking to him about me going anyway because I can't seem to get myself out of this sad (obsessive) rut. I'm not sure how to find one, but he said he'd like to go and he'd like for us to go together as well. It makes me happy that he realized that this is beyond us as individuals and we need to talk to someone to help us work through it. I'd like to try to find someone who understands addictions in general and bonus points if they are the type of person who believes that porn addiction is a real thing as we know it is. Meditation (sitting in silence and taking deep breaths, too!) is a great thing you can do for yourself! You can also just sit and read as something for yourself. I recently started coloring again. I know, it sounds silly that a grown woman is coloring, but I find it to be enough of a distraction to quiet my mind as well as give me the opportunity to create something. They sell adult coloring books online now...or I like coloring mandalas. It's just something I do to help me relax. I think in the end, you will be able to trust him again. Even if not 100%, maybe 98%. You'll get there one day.just take care of yourself.
SDene - thank you for your comments! Him saying he will stop is definitely a good thing! Him realizing he has a problem is a great sign - even though it took ED to help him figure it out. I give you props for being emotionally supportive of him, too! in my case, my husband asked for the software to be put on. I think it was because he knows he doesn't have that great of self control yet when it comes to PMO. When I first confronted him about it 4 years ago, I just assumed he was working on it and he got better...meanwhile, we got more distant. Someone on one of the other forum topics (a rebooter) said that seeing how distraught and upset his P usage made his SO was enough of a wake up call for him. I kept thinking "why isn't my reaction enough for my husband, then???" (Just like you.). Everyone is different. My husband decided it's enough because he realized he was becoming emotionless and with the birth of our first child coming up, he was afraid he wasn't going to experience true happiness like he should. So I understand what you're saying about how he feels like porn is the only thing that makes him happy. From what I understand, once he gets deeper into the reboot process, his brain will begin looking for other forms of dopamine release, so he will realize (eventually) that porn wasn't making him truly happy, but just making his brain think he was. so, have some peace of mind that you're not taking away his only happiness - you're helping him find that there are other things out there that will make him happy [including you and experiences he will have with you]. They'll come around eventually with our help and support. Keep doing what you're doing and make sure you're taking time for yourself, too!