Your thoughts and Advice for new guy (5 month update)

[joe007]

hello all, been reading these forums for about 2 months and gathering all the info. my story is same as everyone else. started masturbating to porn at age 15-16 and i am 41 now. been married for 15 years and have 3 kids. last couple of years it seems like my ED is getting worse. finally i found YBOP and was shocked that is the cause for issues. i am very healthy with no issues. i immediately got rid of all my PORN and haven't watched porn or masturbated in about 2 and half months. my wife never knew about my habit. so i told her, first she was very disappointed and then she just accepted the fact i am dealing with this issues and we will fix this. for last 2 months we had sex about 5-6 times and every time i am unable to get a good erection and finally when i am in her i only last few min. i don't think i am forcing it but i am so confused. i though sex with partner will help fix. Maybe i need to stop completely for 30 to 60 days? i have had no urges to watch porn on masturbate since I stopped .because my mind is set that "Porn and masturbation is not an option". I want to fix this so bad i am getting so frustrated. every now and then i will get rock hard erection middle of the night and i try to fondle her . but i always did that even before i stopped.  rock hard erection in middle of night while i am half asleep and limp willy when i need it the most. any question you have or any advice any one can give i will be great full.

thanks,
Joe

 

[WiP]

Welcome you are in the right place. I am about at the same spot as you. Two and a half months. I'm still flat lining and I have been reluctant to try do anything due to the ED from out last attempts, while I was still into PMO.  Glad you found this site.  The guys here much wisdom and have struggled the same struggles.  I look forward to getting through this together.  I am very interested in the responses  you will get. 

 

[Jverhoye]

Welcome, Joe.  I'm sure you'll get lots of good responses.  One theme you'll see from me and others is that everyone's situation is unique.  Yes, there are commonalities, but there are individual differences too.  Stay PMO free and the benefits will be there eventually!  Again, welcome.

 

[Gabe Deem]

@ joe007

i thought sex with partner will help fix. Maybe i need to stop completely for 30 to 60 days?

Welcome to the Nation Joe.

Sex during a reboot can be very beneficial but it is probably best to avoid orgasm for a period of time. This is my answer from the FAQ's:

"Can I have sex during a reboot?

The 3 things the vast majority of successful rebooters suggest are these.

1. Eliminate all artificial sexual stimulation, including porn fantasy.

-You need to let your addicted pathways weaken and un-wire. However, behavior is very important too. Surfing Facebook, YouTube, or any other online activity that mimics porn use and searching for novelty is to be avoided.

2. Most guys need to "TEMPORARILY" eliminate or drastically reduce masturbation and ORGASMS.

- Desensitization or "numbed pleasure response" needs a little time to bounce back. Your brains reward centers are numbed down to all pleasure and could use a little time out to recover. Depending on age and history of porn use, the time of complete rest can very drastically. Older guys who did not wire their brains from a young age to internet porn can get by with a few weeks of abstinence and be good to go. But what has been seen in younger guys (20's and younger) is that they need more time away from Orgasm to bounce back. Ofcourse there are outliers on both ends of the spectrum but typically anywhere from 2-6 months of rest is best. *Remember the earlier one starts on porn the DEEPER and STRONGER the neural pathways are associated with eachother.*

-The bottom line is you have to define what "temporarily" means for you. Nobody can tell you exactly how long you need to rest as everyone is different.

3.You need to, and maybe have to, REWIRE your sexual response to a real life partner.

- The most important brain change with porn induced sexual dysfunctions appears to be sensitization, (nerve cells that fire together wire together). Rewiring is firing your nerve cells for real people, thus wiring your nerve cells to real people. Rewiring does NOT mean you have to have sex. In fact, finding a loving partner and taking it slow is the best way to rewire in my opinion. Things like, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, or just hanging out enjoying eachother are all rewiring you to real people.

-Now, to finally answer your question. Is sex OK during a reboot? The answer is yes, but you probably want to wait a few weeks to months, depending on sexual history, and it seems that you should avoid orgasm for a few months, depending on sexual history. Even when guys feel rebooted like myself, we continued to see improvements for months after we are able to have sex, so it is wise to SLOWLY introduce orgasm back into your life.

-Sex without orgasm is known as Karezza. I actually did this a few times during my reboot and found it to be very benificial, however the times I had a orgasm I felt like I went back into a flatline.

So, my advice is to start rewiring ASAP, but stay away from orgasm for a period of time. Over 30 guys at least a month, younger guys 2-6 months."

For more FAQ's check out this thread

 

[hulk]

in my reckoning? i remind you read something about Chinese Medicine in kidney qi.
porn or masturbation should be abolished as well as psychosexuality or mental masturbation.  csf is something like the element of sperm. when someone is watching porn or thinking about porn, then his or her kidney qi will be consumed. anyway or anyhow, just try to maintain asceticism mentally and physically.

 

[joe007]

Thank you everyone. I think I have to rewrite with no O for at least 30 to 60 days. I still can't believe porn is the issue for my ED and here I thought I am helping myself last longer since I will watch porn before and masturbate. When time came to have axe with my wife I will have trouble getting it up but finally when I was ready I was last a bit longer. 

 

[joe007]

so i will start my rewire process with no orgasm . i will start with 30 and keep going as long as I can. Just have to break it to my wife that nothing will happen for 30 to 60 days. according to what i have read i guess we can still kiss touch but don't edge... so other signs i am looking for so i know i am ready? also i know lot of guys talk about morning wood. i do have morning wood time to time but it mainly because i have to pie. i am sorry i know my question are really stupid...

 

[Mart71]

Hi!

i immediately got rid of all my PORN and haven't watched porn or masturbated in about 2 and half months.

Time frames are always problematic, but three to six months completely without porn is a good guess for a healthy, middle aged guy with sexual experience to see the little guy come back to life to some degree. Some regain their strength earlier, some take longer - and it is likely you see progress for a long time. As long as you stay away from porn (and also masturbation imo).

The best mindset is to accept, that it will take as long as it takes and not starting to count days or weeks and hoping to be cured on day X.

About sex and rebooting: imo you can pretty much have any kind of sex you like and that works ("very gentle" sex is often recommended - personally I am having really rough sex, because my gf likes it) BUT the orgasms are often the problem. I am currently again in a sort of libido flatline, after I O'ed twice within 12 hours (which I usually don't do).

The best thing is to try and find out, what works for YOU.

Morning wood is imo irrelevant, especially when you have a partner. Your little friend has to salute your wife, that is what matters.

 

[joe007]

ok guys here is my update ... so it will be almost 5 months since i stopped watching porn and masturbating. however my wife and i have had intercourse once every week or two. as of today i think my ED is getting little better however my new problem has been once i am hard enough i am inside of her but i orgasm in 1-2 min max. its really frustrating but i will not give up and keep on fighting. i had no urges for porn or masturbating since i know that is not an option.  before all this i would masturbate maybe once a day when time came for real thing it will be tough to get things going but i would last at least 20-30min. what are your thoughts? i am all ears..